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Old 03-09-2017, 09:51 PM
 
16,988 posts, read 20,559,358 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
That's the thing to do.

However if you are actually close to the narcissist, if it is a true narcissist, they will start to demean you for acting so inferior. There is no way to 'win'.

One of the ones I deal with gives me fake compliments when I do what you are describing. Or blatantly back-handed ones. So that game is no fun ........ but it IS the best way to get through the convo.
This is so true. The best thing to do if possible is ignore them.

They will even take negative attention over no attention. A trick of the narcissist if you have one in the family is to try and screw up holiday plans. They will wait until the last minute and than they can't make it to Thanksgiving for example. It accomplishes two things, they hope people will "beg" them to come, and they throw a wrench into the plans last minute.

Ignoring or just showing as little concern as possible is the way to go.
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Old 03-09-2017, 11:13 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,337 posts, read 4,502,884 times
Reputation: 26839
Quote:
Originally Posted by jencam View Post
But that wasn't your meaning. You remind me of another Aunt. She has only her husband, and he doesn't ever compliment her. So she openly admits she loves compliments and goes out of her way to do things to earn them. And maybe she has done some of what you are saying here and I didn't catch on.

IDK. I can't figure out the proper way she wants compliments because when I give them she downgrades herself.

I say you're so wonderful and giving to have worked in the peace core! Oh, I got to travel free for doing that.
That's the other thing I've learned: Self-deprecation in hopes that people will understand you don't want to brag about your accomplishments never works, because most folks tend to believe exactly what you say.

Generally people are not going to respond, "Oh, I don't believe you served in the Peace Corps just for the free travel. It's a lot of hard work, training and having very little contact with folks back home for many months. It would be a lot easier just to buy some plane tickets. No, I think you did it because you're a good person who wanted to make a difference in the world."
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Old 03-10-2017, 06:33 AM
 
Location: 'greater' Buffalo, NY
3,067 posts, read 2,088,026 times
Reputation: 3960
you yourself can now brag excessively about having had a three and a half year old thread revived
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Old 03-10-2017, 07:57 AM
 
3,036 posts, read 1,692,706 times
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Do you think braggarts know what they do? It would be great if they would let us know the rationale for their behaviour. Are they sad people inside, lacking friends? I lack friends but I don't have need to brag.
I am going to try the trick of encouraging them. Maybe more entertaining than getting annoyed and avoiding them.
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Old 03-13-2017, 07:45 PM
 
13,369 posts, read 6,568,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
That's the other thing I've learned: Self-deprecation in hopes that people will understand you don't want to brag about your accomplishments never works, because most folks tend to believe exactly what you say.

Generally people are not going to respond, "Oh, I don't believe you served in the Peace Corps just for the free travel. It's a lot of hard work, training and having very little contact with folks back home for many months. It would be a lot easier just to buy some plane tickets. No, I think you did it because you're a good person who wanted to make a difference in the world."
Right. I thought, ok,, she didn't really do it for the reasons I thought. Actaully, I started off saying something along the lines of what you typed here but she just trailed off. So I was like ok. I mean cool, she's being honest. There is that. She's not accepting fake praise.
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Old 03-13-2017, 08:11 PM
 
4 posts, read 1,736 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
Do you think braggarts know what they do? It would be great if they would let us know the rationale for their behaviour. Are they sad people inside, lacking friends? I lack friends but I don't have need to brag.
I am going to try the trick of encouraging them. Maybe more entertaining than getting annoyed and avoiding them.
I know a lot of people on here think they are insecure, but I'm with the school that thinks they really believe what they say and that you will be fascinated to know them. Even if not true narcicists, they have a lot of them in them.

Plus, in today's working world, it is also a calculated strategy. You have to brag on yourself to move up because you won't be recognized for your hard work. The higher ups don't know you from Adam, but they will have heard the stories about how great you are. Any negatives will have been washed out of the story by that time and there is no such thing as bad publicity.

I've run into them several times in the work world. You can't work with them, and you can't supervise them. And if a supervisor is smart enough to figure them out for what they really are, look out, the secret war is on.
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Old 05-03-2017, 03:20 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't televise your doubt(s)." (set 8 hours ago)
 
8,508 posts, read 298,125 times
Reputation: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vectoris View Post
I've always believed that people like this feel terribly inferior, and they have to cover that up by telling everyone how wonderful they are, so much that they actually begin to develop a superiority complex. But it;s also possible they're just crashing bores. I've observed that these people are also impossible to have a real conversation with. They lack another quality, and that is to gauge the interest of their audience. They don't notice the shifty feet, the eye contact their audience is making with the nearest exit... the stifled yawns, etc.

I agree with LoveWisdom that they're on some sort of auto-pilot.
Braggart Airlines.
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Old 05-03-2017, 03:37 AM
Status: "When in doubt, don't televise your doubt(s)." (set 8 hours ago)
 
8,508 posts, read 298,125 times
Reputation: 186
Quote:
Originally Posted by nc17 View Post
Braggarts are fueled by feedback. ignore them.
That's true. Never stroke their Ego. The less encouragement they get, the less inclination they'll have to brag.
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Old 05-07-2017, 01:13 AM
 
172 posts, read 69,205 times
Reputation: 185
A former best friend is like that.

She has struggled with obesity, an average face and mediocre grades. Now she's doing well for herself and can't help but rub it in people's faces, especially her closest friends.

Now, I would not expect a person who struggled so much earlier in life to turn out a braggart but sh is.

The thing is, she is HIGHLY insecure. If she sees a young woman with a good body and a better face than hers dressed sexy, she physically shows it, no jokes - tremors in the hands, shaky voice, condescending remarks.

She talks about herself alot and if you divert the conversation, she brings it back to herself. She brags abut her resume, her bank account, her husband, etc. Thing is, it's not even that great. She is doing well but she makes it seem she is pulling a 6-figure salary. She is not.

These people are toxic. But despite their condescending remarks, deep down, they feel like sheit.
Confident people do not have the need to talk about themselves and constantly brag.
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