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It depends. You can't change someone's personality. And you have to be careful about getting into the realm of being controlling.
Good friends let some things go. If I felt like my differences with you required couple's counseling, I'd let the friendship go. A marriage might be worth fighting for to that degree, but I'm not willing to go to that kind of length and drama for a friendship. I'll look for an easier relationship.
I have friends who I enjoy on certain levels, and for small periods of time. I don't want more than that. If they ever were to confront me about that, and want a detailed account of why I don't want to spend more time with them, yatta yatta, I would not participate in that kind of discussion with them. I'd not want to hurt their feelings, but I also wouldn't want the drama. If that person insisted on hashing out why, etc., I'd just stop responding altogether and let the relationship go.
On the other hand, my best friend and I can gently and kindly get an opinion across that may not be what the other person wants to hear. Again, this is not in any kind of confrontational, dramatic way.
I don't know you, so I don't know if this is what you're trying to do. But, if you were confrontational with me, and told me you wanted to sit down and hash out something I didn't want to deal with, I'd think you are too stressful and too much work.
But, again, I have no idea what your situation is that made you start this thread, so FWIW, that's my response to your OP.
Yes, with good/mature friends I like to do this. I'm trying to be more assertive these days and discussing problems within friendships (if I feel they need to be addressed) is a good thing in my opinion. The results are generally good, but NoMoreSnowForMe has a point. With one friend I used to live with, I found myself having frequent honest chats about various issues, too frequent in fact, and I had to let that friendship go. Sometimes the things she said didn't correspond with what she did - it was a waste of time. Another friend would lie about certain things during these sorts of conversations, so I'd say discussing issues within friendships are only worth doing if your friend is truthful, honest and long-term.
Do you get along with anyone? Every post you make is the same.
It certainly seems like he doesn't ! Family , friends and students all have issues with the op in one way or the other. Only 1 common denominator there !
I don't think he has ever posted anything about getting along with others lol
One time I've tried this, and it was not successful. It's been over two years. If this person were to come back and have an honest, clear conversation (or series of conversations) I would love that, but I don't think it will be happening.
You are right though, I think most people who are in close proximity (through family, friends, work, neighborhood) would benefit from conversations about their "bad blood" rather than just avoiding/ignoring each other. You can't keep it quiet forever; imagine working or living together for years harboring these interpersonal problems. I think it's foolish pride more than anything else.
I had a "friend" like this, currently in a dispute over a rental deposit. More than once (and with more than one person) he requested a "hash it all out" talk. Of course, this was after we had been roommates for a while. Before that, we were friends that occasionally hung out. Now things are even worse now that money is involved.
Like someone else said, you can't change someone's personality and unfortunately some personalities just clash. Maintaining a friendship can be too much at a certain point, especially when one friend needs to continually hash things out. At some point you have you might have to just reevaluate the friendship and either change it or just cut it off completely.
I am a strong believer in directly confronting people in a mature and productive manner. It only doesn't work if the other person is too immature to deal with it. That mostly happened in high school.
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now
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