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Old 09-14-2013, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,391 posts, read 7,921,507 times
Reputation: 53499

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I've been taking care of a crack addicted/alcoholic on a ventilator off and on for about a year now. The children were approached about making her a DNR but we were told not to. They wanted her to suffer for as long as possible like they did growing up with her. I have no problem with that, except she has no insurance and our tax dollars are paying for their revenge.
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Old 09-14-2013, 02:19 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,185,972 times
Reputation: 4297
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
I've been taking care of a crack addicted/alcoholic on a ventilator off and on for about a year now. The children were approached about making her a DNR but we were told not to. They wanted her to suffer for as long as possible like they did growing up with her. I have no problem with that, except she has no insurance and our tax dollars are paying for their revenge.
I don't agree with that at all.

While the obituary discussed in the OP seems like a purging process, the behavior you write about illustrates that the offspring are still enmeshed with their abusive parent. The subject of the obit can't be touched, but the people you write about are almost literally "hitting back" against their abuser. They might find pleasure in what they are doing - the same kind of sick pleasure their abuser likely felt - but that's not a road to healing.
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Old 09-16-2013, 12:12 AM
 
14 posts, read 13,531 times
Reputation: 34
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
I hope this obituary (or should that be o-bitter-uary??) will be a nine-days'-wonder, for the sake of the children. I wonder if they realized how much attention it would get, how many people would question their motives and doubt their truthfulness, how much gossip would result, and how these things might detract from their healing and moving on?

Whether or not their mother was as abusive as described is not the point, nor is whether or not she deserved to have something like this written about her - she is gone, her reputation will continue to be questioned - but what about the reputations of her children? They have made themselves appear spiteful, bitter, and somewhat self-aggrandizing by choosing to write such an obituary and have it published. It would have been wiser to have written it out of their systems, then buried it with their mother or ritually burned it

Claiming that they wrote this to somehow help other abused children is disingenuous. Far better to have requested contributions to charities serving abused children in memory of their mother, and to have left the rest unsaid - except on the therapist's couch.
They likely knew it would because a few years ago, the children of a woman named Dolores Aguilar wrote a similar obit about her that received a lot of attention.
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Old 09-17-2013, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Cleverly concealed
963 posts, read 1,524,184 times
Reputation: 993
Quote:
Originally Posted by AZDesertBrat View Post
I'm surprised that the newspaper even consented to publish it. My ex sister in law works at our town's newspaper and she says they would never publish something like that.
The newspaper is probably understaffed, with one person handling mutiple desks. They may just have software to flag obituary submissions for misspellings and profanity.My hometown's newspaper has one obituary policy: the deceased must have lived in the circulation area at some point, or have immediate family in the circulation area. It contains nothing about content.
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Old 09-17-2013, 10:15 PM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,527,052 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
My wife had an uncle like this. This guy was a total slimeball, one who would expose himself to underage female family members and molested both his daughters. In my family, the menfolk would have gone all 19th Century on the guy out back, but her family would actually talk to him at family get togethers. And now that he's gone, you'd think the guy had been a total saint. Go figure. I don't typically heap abuse on the dead, but I'm not going to lie about my feelings either.

Maybe this obit will be a nice antidote. I'm not religious, but I appreciate the sentiments. And I love the part about the possum.

Woman's Obituary is Possibly the Greatest One Ever Written | FB TroublemakersFB Troublemakers
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Old 09-17-2013, 11:57 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 807,887 times
Reputation: 2336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
This is exactly why I hope my family has the good sense not to allow me to write obituaries, because there is one person whose obituary I would write in a way that would make this one look like a testimony to sainthood.
Sounds delightful!
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Old 09-18-2013, 02:58 PM
 
1,003 posts, read 1,330,493 times
Reputation: 1316
Sounds like the b*tch deserved that obituary. They described my sick, vile, disgusting child-abusing grandmother. Hope she's getting the same torment she dished out in this space-time reality! Karma sucks for her!
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:30 PM
 
Location: The Great West
2,077 posts, read 2,022,369 times
Reputation: 4068
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioSilence View Post
The newspaper is probably understaffed, with one person handling mutiple desks. They may just have software to flag obituary submissions for misspellings and profanity.My hometown's newspaper has one obituary policy: the deceased must have lived in the circulation area at some point, or have immediate family in the circulation area. It contains nothing about content.
I wrote for the Reno Gazette-Journal before and you're basically right. The paper isn't tiny but the editors still don't have the time to read all the obituaries.

I didn't read through this entire thread so I am sorry if this was already said, but the RGJ did take the obit down from its website and sent a weird explanation for it to Gawker. Even people on staff disagree with that decision.
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Old 09-18-2013, 05:51 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,988 posts, read 14,673,335 times
Reputation: 14876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
Maybe this obit will be a nice antidote. I'm not religious, but I appreciate the sentiments. And I love the part about the possum.

Woman's Obituary is Possibly the Greatest One Ever Written | FB TroublemakersFB Troublemakers

This made me cry and wish I had had the lucky fortune to have known her.
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