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Old 09-13-2013, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 3,775,507 times
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I am an introvert and a lot of people are making a hasty generalization that introverts are not good with people. On the contrary, we can be very good with people, but after being around people all of the time, we wish to have a few solitary moments alone. I have a great life, am in a great relationship, am always well-liked with tons of friends. However, at the end of my workday, I enjoy going home and having an hour to myself to reflect or just recharge my batteries to be around people again.

I am friendly, charismatic. I love people and they love me, I am surrounded by them often but prefer parties limited to 6 close friends vs. 50 acquaintances.... but I also love my alone time and my inner world. I am an INTJ to the core and would never say my life is unhappy or unfulfilled. Please read The Introverts Advantage and Quiet! The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking.

Also, I have kept contacts at all of my old jobs, keep in tough with people, and have always had great manager-employee relationships!
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Old 09-13-2013, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,652 posts, read 1,511,838 times
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There was an article in USA Today a few months ago about a study that found introverts to be more successful in their career than extroverts.

On the Job: Introverts win in the end

I enjoy being an introvert and like my solitude. But I dislike being so shy and socially awkward. Would like to have more friends - a few close friends, not a bunch of friends. I do get lonely sometimes. It was much better when I was in a relationship. I would think that introverts who are married and have a family would be rather happy - but that is just a guess as I am single with no kids.
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Canada
9,044 posts, read 8,293,637 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme View Post
I am an introvert and a lot of people are making a hasty generalization that introverts are not good with people. On the contrary, we can be very good with people, but after being around people all of the time, we wish to have a few solitary moments alone. I have a great life, am in a great relationship, am always well-liked with tons of friends. However, at the end of my workday, I enjoy going home and having an hour to myself to reflect or just recharge my batteries to be around people again.

I am friendly, charismatic. I love people and they love me, I am surrounded by them often but prefer parties limited to 6 close friends vs. 50 acquaintances.... but I also love my alone time and my inner world. I am an INTJ to the core and would never say my life is unhappy or unfulfilled. Please read The Introverts Advantage and Quiet! The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking.

Also, I have kept contacts at all of my old jobs, keep in tough with people, and have always had great manager-employee relationships!
The bolded is the very definition of an introvert - being energized from being alone, rather than being surrounded by others. I very much enjoy socializing, but I equally enjoy my alone time.

Introverts are NOT people who are shy and suffer from social anxiety or nervousness.
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:32 AM
 
147 posts, read 250,825 times
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My ex-husband was an extravert and I'm an introvert. He had, and I'm not exaggerating, close to 200 friends to keep in touch with and this was before Facebook. I have a small circle of about 5. What I noticed with his friendships (not saying this is the case with every extroaert) was that they were very surface-level. I don't think he *really* knew them, nor did they really know him. How could you, when you have 200 people to keep up with? You'd have to quit your job. He thrived on making new friends on a weekly basis to add to his collection. It exhasuted me, and I feel much happier with my small circle of friends whom I feel very connected to.
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:48 AM
 
550 posts, read 787,994 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Julie4530 View Post
My ex-husband was an extravert and I'm an introvert. He had, and I'm not exaggerating, close to 200 friends to keep in touch with and this was before Facebook. I have a small circle of about 5. What I noticed with his friendships (not saying this is the case with every extroaert) was that they were very surface-level. I don't think he *really* knew them, nor did they really know him. How could you, when you have 200 people to keep up with? You'd have to quit your job. He thrived on making new friends on a weekly basis to add to his collection. It exhasuted me, and I feel much happier with my small circle of friends whom I feel very connected to.
Sounds like you're talking about me (the extrovert) and my wife (the introvert)...except that we're (somehow??) still together...

This past weekend, we had a party, to which about 60 people showed up. Of those, a total of seven people were from my wife's circle. And of those seven, four were relatives.

She really did enjoy herself, though, especiall as she downed her drinks throughout the day.

Someone in an earlier post said that extroverts can get lonely easily, or something to that effect, and I would personally have to agree. Sometimes, I can't stand being alone.

What I wonder is, do extroverts tend to stay friends with other extroverts, introverts, or both? And do introverts with few friends tend to stay friends with other introverts, extroverts, or both?
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Old 09-13-2013, 11:53 AM
 
Location: "Daytonnati"
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Im wondering if this thread should be on the psychology subforum?
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Old 09-13-2013, 01:39 PM
 
Location: Eureka CA
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Richard Nixon was an introvert and he became President. It's just a personality trait, not fatal.
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Old 09-13-2013, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Hampton Roads
3,032 posts, read 3,775,507 times
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Being an introvert isn't even a BAD personality trait.
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Old 09-13-2013, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,505,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99 View Post
I've always been an introverted person. You could also argue that I'm an extroverted person who is not particularly charismatic or good with people, but regardless, the results are the same.

I feel like introverted people just have worse lives. We suffer more in dating because we have less of a chance to meet somebody, rejections hurt more, and we invest more in people than they invest in us. I feel we are don't do as well in careers because we don't have much of a connection to management and fail to keep contacts when we leave jobs. Our friendship circle is lesser and we are generally lonelier, and we get sensitive if friends let us down. At least that's the way I feel right now.

Anyway, I've decided to try harder to be more social. Contact old friends and try and keep in touch though it seems NOBODY tries to keep in touch with me. Do meetups. Try some other things.

But I'm wondering what people's general thoughts are on this.
Your assessment that you're really an extrovert who just has unsuccessful social skills seems spot on to me. If you really WERE a natural introvert, I seriously doubt this would bother you so much. Speaking as an introvert, I have very little desire to be let in on the party the extroverts seem to be having. All those people socializing constantly, advertising their whereabouts on Facebook, joining things, dating, being obsessed with the success of their children ... it doesn't look a bit enticing to me.

I know a woman who is super-attractive, very articulate, professionally successful in a business that requires constant public appearances, and successful also in marriage and raising productive children. Yet I feel sorry for her. She can NEVER turn it off. She is literally incapable of sitting quietly and being in-the-moment. She is completely un-introspective. She knows little of what goes on in the world outside her personal sphere because she never reads anything except escapist fiction and can't even sit still long enough to watch the news on TV. When she has a single moment she could REFLECT or enjoy some peace, she is frantically looking for another person to connect with. Her conversations are constant but superficial. The cell phone was invented for this woman. She yaks on it while she is exercising, while she's driving, while she's in a waiting room. She's the person sitting beside you on the plane who won't shut up and presses her business card in your hand as you finally get away from her. She's compulsively extroverted. And society rewards her financially and with accolades. She's invited to everything. People admire her (and I'm sure some are jealous of her). But, to me, the fact that she couldn't live without that attention and adulation negates the whole thing. She's an addict.

Now I know that's an over-the-top example and probably more extroversion than you have in mind. But if I had to have her extreme life or the extreme life of a recluse, I'd pick being a recluse. You really DO sound like you think of your life as unsatisfying though. And that's not good. Not to mention, friends and family ARE going to be letting you down the rest of your life. So you have to build up your emotional defenses.

I hate to make "see a therapist" sound like the answer to everything, but a behavioral therapist WOULD be able to help you. Better self-confidence would make it easier for you to interact with others as well as to be able to endure inevitable slights. Perhaps a life coach or some program like Tony Robbins would help you. There are lots of things like that on CDs or it's probably more motivational to get a real person who could provide on-going support. Most of these things fail because the person who tries it gives up before it has time to work. But if I were unhappy in the way you sound, I think I'd give some sort of program of help a try. You sound motivated, so I think you could make some changes that would feel good to you.

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I'm worn out from talking now. Gotta go stare off into space for awhile. But, seriously, best of luck to you.

Last edited by Jukesgrrl; 09-13-2013 at 03:20 PM.. Reason: grammar
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Old 09-13-2013, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,505,884 times
Reputation: 29030
Quote:
Originally Posted by randomlikeme View Post
I am an introvert and a lot of people are making a hasty generalization that introverts are not good with people. On the contrary, we can be very good with people, but after being around people all of the time, we wish to have a few solitary moments alone. I have a great life, am in a great relationship, am always well-liked with tons of friends. However, at the end of my workday, I enjoy going home and having an hour to myself to reflect or just recharge my batteries to be around people again.

I am friendly, charismatic. I love people and they love me, I am surrounded by them often but prefer parties limited to 6 close friends vs. 50 acquaintances.... but I also love my alone time and my inner world. I am an INTJ to the core and would never say my life is unhappy or unfulfilled. Please read The Introverts Advantage and Quiet! The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking.

Also, I have kept contacts at all of my old jobs, keep in tough with people, and have always had great manager-employee relationships!
Introverts certainly aren't on trial here. Nobody said there was anything wrong with being an introvert and I seem to have missed where it was implied that introverts can't be good with people. The OP said flat out s/he personally is NOT charismatic and NOT good with people. S/he doesn't enjoy the quiet time. S/he is lonely and wants to connect but doesn't seem to be able to. The OP's post was NOT about introverts in general; the OP was asking how to get out of living the life of an introvert. How is reading a book about what is great about introverts going to help someone who probably isn't one and wishes to be more outgoing?
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