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Old 09-12-2013, 09:21 PM
 
1,160 posts, read 2,066,228 times
Reputation: 1429

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The poster who started this topic about his couch-surfing friend must have been reading my mind, because I let a good gal pal lease my spare bedroom after her fiance kicked her out. It just so happened that the person renting from me had just moved out, and because my friend had a pretty decent job at the time, I assumed she could pay her share of the rent.

What followed was two years of economic toil. I don't want to go into how many thousands of dollars she ended up costing me. If I bought food, she'd eat it. If I bought new make-up, she'd use it. A few times, she took money from my purse without asking. It was literally like supporting an adult child. What really pissed me off is that she was always out partying and spending what meager wages she made on entertainment and clothes. After she totaled the car of another one of our good friends, I finally called her father -- this woman was almost 40 years old -- and told him that he and the rest of her family had to do something. She ended up moving to another state to live with her dad. He offered to repay me, but the only thing that I asked of him was that he teach her how to be self-sufficient so that he wouldn't have to worry about her. Because I really was concerned.

Fast-forward a year later, and I'm not angry with her anymore. Even the friend whose car she totaled is ready to forgive her, and he was pure livid. I recently found out that her father is terminally ill, and she's taking care of him. I'm thinking about extending the olive branch, because I've been through that myself.

Would you do it?
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Beautiful hills
248 posts, read 401,170 times
Reputation: 506
Sure, why not. You sound ready.
Forgiveness is necessary, it's not healthy to hold a grudge.
The important thing is not to forget the lesson she taught you

I am grateful to all my "teachers", without them I would not be who I am today
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:27 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,822 posts, read 55,970,721 times
Reputation: 19019
Hell no! You don't know if she changed at all. Did she ever apologize? You were too passive the first time - what makes you think you could stand up to her now? I mean, two years? Three months would have been too much.
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:32 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,641 posts, read 23,224,516 times
Reputation: 48777
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melissa78703 View Post
The poster who started this topic about his couch-surfing friend must have been reading my mind, because I let a good gal pal lease my spare bedroom after her fiance kicked her out. It just so happened that the person renting from me had just moved out, and because my friend had a pretty decent job at the time, I assumed she could pay her share of the rent.

What followed was two years of economic toil. I don't want to go into how many thousands of dollars she ended up costing me. If I bought food, she'd eat it. If I bought new make-up, she'd use it. A few times, she took money from my purse without asking. It was literally like supporting an adult child. What really pissed me off is that she was always out partying and spending what meager wages she made on entertainment and clothes. After she totaled the car of another one of our good friends, I finally called her father -- this woman was almost 40 years old -- and told him that he and the rest of her family had to do something. She ended up moving to another state to live with her dad. He offered to repay me, but the only thing that I asked of him was that he teach her how to be self-sufficient so that he wouldn't have to worry about her. Because I really was concerned.

Fast-forward a year later, and I'm not angry with her anymore. Even the friend whose car she totaled is ready to forgive her, and he was pure livid. I recently found out that her father is terminally ill, and she's taking care of him. I'm thinking about extending the olive branch, because I've been through that myself.

Would you do it?

Honestly I would not. I would move on and set the standard higher when choosing friends next time.

She will use her father's illness as an excuse for more bad behavior.

Respect your self. She will only use and disrespect you in the future.

From the way that this is written I can tell that on some level you know this.

Best of luck.
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:33 PM
 
13,807 posts, read 14,642,570 times
Reputation: 11501
I would not bother. if she contacts you fine.
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:42 PM
 
1,160 posts, read 2,066,228 times
Reputation: 1429
Just to be clear, I'm not interested in reprising a close friendship -- I know that I can't trust her like I thought I could.

But I don't think she's evil -- just really, super-immature. She one of those Christians who tries hard to be a good person, fails at it and then beats herself up because of it.

I just want her to know that I'm not stabbing voodoo dolls of her with stickpins.

(No, she never apologized.)
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Beautiful hills
248 posts, read 401,170 times
Reputation: 506
Come on, people, Melissa78703 just wants to express her compassion and/or empathy because her ex-friend is going through the same thing she went through with her parent, she is not asking this ex-friend to move back in
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Old 09-12-2013, 09:51 PM
 
1,160 posts, read 2,066,228 times
Reputation: 1429
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zen Dragonfly View Post
... she is not asking this ex-friend to move back in
God, no! And that pretty much sums it up.
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Old 09-12-2013, 10:30 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,714,983 times
Reputation: 11933
Nope I wouldn't.

I find "friendship" to be very overrated. Precious few people have what it takes to be a true friend.

If you do forgive her, don't be surprised when she

1. does it again
2. denies it all
3. tells you she "forgives" you.
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Old 09-12-2013, 10:32 PM
 
Location: Ft. Myers
17,628 posts, read 11,162,634 times
Reputation: 37671
Bite me once, shame on you. Bite me twice, shame on me. You are setting yourself up for bite number two IMO. Leopards never change their spots, and from what all she did to you she is a user and a taker.

Run as far away as you can.

Don
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