Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You've heard the girl scream that she's being hurt, and the mom indirectly admit to hurting her, and have reported this to CPS and they can't do anything about it??? I would keep reporting it until they do something, of course you can't see it happen, you don't go inside your neighbor's house to watch them beat their child. What more proof could you possibly get?
I agree. One call never does it. If you say that the child is not in danger they won't take it seriously.
If the child is not in some sort of danger - than why are you concerned? My guess is that you have a right to be disturbed.
You need to go about it with persistence and not minimize your report. If you sound ambivalent they will treat your call with the same ambivalence. That's just the way it is.
My relative called the police in a similar situation....after the fact, the next day.
They told her she must call during such a time so they have a reason to check it out.
Thanks for everyone's feedback. To be fair, the example I gave of what was said one of the days, that happened after the time I called CPS. The girl got very vocal as the abuse went on, trying to stand up for herself but really, as a little kid, how much can you do? Prior to that the girl had never said the words, she would just scream "please stop" or just shriek and sob in general with each slam bang or thump or scuffle. I don't know if CPS would have reacted differently with the details I had after making that call.
It may not have made a difference though since the woman kept emphasizing that if I didn't see it happen, there was no way they'd go check it out for that. I asked her what kind of proof I needed and she just kept saying physical. Did I see any bruises on the child? And I just repeated that at that point, I'd never even seen the child at all to know if there were bruises.
Even after the call, when I did finally start seeing the girl, she was covered all the way up like I said and the one or two times I saw her when it was warm I guess before she left for the spring or whatever happened, she had on no coat but still had on long sleeves and long leggings.
The one thing she did say at the end of the call was that if I hear the worst of it again, don't call CPS call the cops. I explained to her I didn't want to just call the cops on someone without physical proof even though what I was hearing was unmistakable and I thought since it was a child and it was more of an ongoing thing than a single incident that CPS was who I should call first. But she said calling 911 is my only option because CPS "isn't a crisis center".
That was an emotional day for me. I wrestled with even calling CPS for so long and to finally make that leap only to be told they wouldn't look into it felt like great, even when you try to do the right thing, it doesn't matter. It put me in a discouraged state where even though it continued, I just felt defeated and I tuned it out until leaving for work. But I also realize they probably have a huge case load and have to set priorities so I can't fault them I guess..
I think the few months of it stopping and the girl not being around gave me a chance to think it all over and I realized that all you can do is try to help and if it doesn't end up helping, at least you know you tried and not to feel defeated. So that's when I made myself a promise like I said that if it happened again, I'd still do the right thing even if I felt like it was hopeless.
So far, since school started, it's only been minimal screaming, nothing like before, so I'm leaving it alone. But each day it's a little louder, a little harsher, a little longer. And I wonder if that's how it always is. I moved in over winter when school was already in session for a few months so it's possible it starts light and then escalates and I just happened to move in when the woman had already reached her height of abuse. For all I know it might never happen again. I can only wait and see.
Also to the poster who suffered abuse, I'm really sorry that happened to you. I think sometimes people don't understand how even verbal or psychological abuse can damage a child let alone adding violence to the mix. I really feel for anyone who had to go through that.
There's so much anti-bullying talk these days, people believing a classmate calling another kid ugly every day can drive him to suicide and how horrible people are for not stepping in to stop it, but when you bring up what some kids have to deal with at home from their parents and family, the one place that's supposed to be a safe haven for them, and the fact that it can often be ten times worse than anything they face at school, suddenly it's, "Oh, leave it alone, it's no big deal, so maybe the parents are loud or say terrible things, so what? Eh, you don't know what you heard/saw, just let it go."
I guess I just couldn't let this go on any longer without reaching out in some way. And I shouldn't put my neighbors down because for all I know, someone else could have reported her as well in spite of being her pal. Maybe it just wasn't enough when they did either.
My relative called the police in a similar situation....after the fact, the next day.
They told her she must call during such a time so they have a reason to check it out.
Thanks so much for this. That's one of the reasons I asked for advice on if I should wait until something actually happens again and also why I was worried about them showing up to nothing. I was thinking that might be the case.
Call the police right away if you hear evidence of "domestic violence" and tell them that you hear screaming and the noise of a beating going on. Also, I would contact the school, speak with the school counselor about "any child who is living at this address", and the name of the family, if you have it. The school knows more about this child than you do.
I can tell you, as the parent of a child with Aspergers, that there were times that a neighbor could have thought I was beating the child, when I was not. I particularly recall her screaming about being bathed at mid-elementary school age. It may not be what you think it is. That's why I like the idea about notifying the school counselor, who knows the child. And of course, kids who are difficult are probably at higher risk of being abused, since they are such a handful!
Calling the police will be more effective than calling CPS. If the cops find evidence of abuse, they will notify CPS.
I do agree with some of the posters, it's hard to know what's actually going on...my daughter used to be very unwilling to have her hair washed and she would scream, "help! they're killing me! call the police! call 911! i don't want to die" when the hubby and I wrestled her into the bathtub to wash her hair (this was when she was 2 or 3).
Contacting the child's school will be useless if you don't know the child's name, and probably even if you do.
Yelling is not abuse. Spanking is not abuse either unless it causes some sort of injury...and even then, when it's brought as a criminal case it usually results in an acquittal, if the parents are savvy enough to take the matter to a jury.
I can tell you, as the parent of a child with Aspergers, that there were times that a neighbor could have thought I was beating the child, when I was not. I particularly recall her screaming about being bathed at mid-elementary school age. It may not be what you think it is. That's why I like the idea about notifying the school counselor, who knows the child. And of course, kids who are difficult are probably at higher risk of being abused, since they are such a handful!
My kid dissolved into a completely hysterical, sobbing wailing screaming fit in the morning today because...we wouldn't let him play with the iPad . This was at 7 am on a Sunday, all quiet everywhere, so some of the poor neighbours were probably rudely awoken by it. Hearing this kid from the outside, you would've thought someone was killing his puppy right in front of him.
It really scares me that if a neighbour wanted to be nosy, they could call the police on us for something like that. And thing is, once CPS does get involved, it's very hard to get them off your back, even if there is no abuse going on. Just recently there have been two separate cases in different states of infants being taken away from loving families after simply being brought in for a doctor visit. They've been returned to the family in both cases but the process is long and extremely traumatic, especially for the child. So again, PLEASE think and be absolutely sure before you get CPS involved. It would be far worse for the girl to end up in foster care than to live with a mom that may yell at her in the mornings.
It's better to be seen as the 'nosy neighbor' than to think 'What if I had called?' if something terrible were to happen to the child; screaming and thuds heard through walls/floors? Where do some of you live to think ignoring that is for the best?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi60
My neighbors would see "mommy dearest" come down the street with her belt in hand looking for us. Later they would make remarks but I couldn't/wouldn't answer them for fear of what she would inflict if we didn't keep the dirty family secret. Trust me, the little girl cannot and will not speak up until she feels totally safe. I know she is watching everyone and will find a safe harbor sooner, or sadly, later. Just be there for the little girl, act like a friend, give her a safe place to play as she will remember it always. The people who showed me just common decency did more to help me through things than they ever knew, by setting a different example. I remember them clearly....fifty years on.
OP, if you still feel uncomfortable about getting involved, read the above quote. THIS is why we have to look out for kids in potentially dangerous situations.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
. This was at 7 am on a Sunday, all quiet everywhere, so some of the poor neighbours were probably rudely awoken by it. Hearing this kid from the outside, you would've thought someone was killing his puppy right in front of him. 
