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As I already made clear, I'm not going to tell her to "F" off because we are two people on a four-person condo board in a community. I don't hate this woman. I just want her to step back a bit.
I don't feel as if she's checking on me for my welfare. I think she just does not know boundaries and that this is a personality problem she has. She complains that her children (all in their 40s) go places and do things and don't tell her what they are doing. She does not seem to understand where her business ends and others' business begins, and at 73, she's not likely to start catching on.
She is not "lonely" from the perspective that she doesn't have anyone. She has three children nearby as well as grandchildren and a great-grandchild. Her late husband's sister lives next door (her husband has been dead for more than 30 years so this is no poor sad widow thing). Her niece is on a nearby street. She is just too much in other people's business and it apparently pushes them away. I'm just the latest.
Please also note that I did not create the thread to ask for advice, but just for discussion and swapping stories.
Yes, the fact hat you said she's in her 70s means she's hopefully a harmless stalker. If she was in her 50s or younger, I'd really wonder why she doesn't have a life of her own.
Just because she's old, don't be afraid to be firm with her with wanting more space.
I live in an apartment complex and befriended a neighbor who moved in at the exact same time I did four years ago. She is now one of my closest friends and our teenaged sons (she has two, I have one) are best friends. We spend a lot of time together.
Our apartments back to each others and are close enough to yell to each other if we really wanted to, although neither of us is that rude to actually do so. :P Every now and then she will call me right after I get home because she sees the lights in my apartment come on when she is sitting out on her balcony smoking a cigarette. She always comments about seeing the lights come on and although I know it is completely harmless and she is only noticing because she is out on her balcony, it still kind of creeps me out. She will also mention sometimes that she drove by and saw my car when she didn't expect me to be home and that kind of creeps me out too, even though she has to drive by my parking lot any time she comes and goes.
I hope she doesn't start dropping by unannounced to check up on me when she gets a little older. Just knowing that she notices my comings and goings is enough for me.
My former neighbour wasn't stalking me but they obviously watched me and took notice of what I did as I heard him loudly talking about me to other neighbours a few times.
He was an a-hole in many ways and I was so mad I went around one day and told him to start minding his own business.
I once had a part time summer job picking and packing vegetables for a local farmer - an old guy in his late 60's. I quit working for him after one season (long story, but he ended up acting very creepy - complimenting my appearance, looking me over, and touching me unnecessarily). I told him I didn't appreciate that kind of behavior, and his answer was he thought I was available because "I looked so good". I quit working for him after the season was over, and did not go back to work for him the next. Then he started coming to see me at work (said he was just passing by) and calling me to tell me how "nice I looked dressed up at work". I told him the calls and visits had to stop because they were inappropriate and my bosses didn't like it. Then he started calling me with quesitons about legal documents (I was a legal secretary), or asking me to research stuff for him at the court house. He was going through serious credit issues and a bankruptcy at the time. I told him I wasn't authorized to give him legal assistance - he had to contact his own lawyer about it. Then if he was driving by my house, he'd stop if he'd see me working in my own garden - and ask if I'd work for him at the farm again, because I was so "dependable". I told him the work was too hot and hard for so little money. I haven't seen him in ages - I think he's gotten the message and moved on.
I once had a part time summer job picking and packing vegetables for a local farmer - an old guy in his late 60's. I quit working for him after one season (long story, but he ended up acting very creepy - complimenting my appearance, looking me over, and touching me unnecessarily). I told him I didn't appreciate that kind of behavior, and his answer was he thought I was available because "I looked so good". I quit working for him after the season was over, and did not go back to work for him the next. Then he started coming to see me at work (said he was just passing by) and calling me to tell me how "nice I looked dressed up at work". I told him the calls and visits had to stop because they were inappropriate and my bosses didn't like it. Then he started calling me with quesitons about legal documents (I was a legal secretary), or asking me to research stuff for him at the court house. He was going through serious credit issues and a bankruptcy at the time. I told him I wasn't authorized to give him legal assistance - he had to contact his own lawyer about it. Then if he was driving by my house, he'd stop if he'd see me working in my own garden - and ask if I'd work for him at the farm again, because I was so "dependable". I told him the work was too hot and hard for so little money. I haven't seen him in ages - I think he's gotten the message and moved on.
That sounds like a true stalker, not just a clueless neighbor who doesn't understand boundaries. Creepy.
Re my neighbor, I took her to dinner for her birthday last night as I'd promised. She was pouring out her heart to me about another woman in our town, who I have met, and who was apparently this woman's best friend until recently. Now the best friend has another friend whom she prefers and has sort of kicked this woman to second place, and she's hurt. And of course I'm thinking she likely she brought it on herself with her overbearing ways.
Anyway, I am having surgery on Monday and will be in the hospital overnight. Stalker asked me who was taking me to the hospital (my daughter) who was picking me up and staying with me (daughter and one sister) and then she proceeded to tell me she'd stop by Tuesday afternoon. I said, "That's probably not a good idea. I'll have just gotten home from the hospital, will likely be unable to speak and I know I'm expected to be out of it for a few days." She said, "Oh, that's OK. I won't mind."
I have had a few friends who were clueless. I learned to be more direct in dealing with them rather than being diplomatic. On the surgery issue with this woman I would have said that I would prefer she not stop by until I contact her when I am ready.
I have had a few friends who were clueless. I learned to be more direct in dealing with them rather than being diplomatic. On the surgery issue with this woman I would have said that I would prefer she not stop by until I contact her when I am ready.
That's what I should have said, you're right. You do have to be direct with some people or they just don't get it. I will likely be sleeping if she does stop by.
I remember when I had my daughter. I lived in an apartment complex and the day after I got home from the hospital there was a knock at the door and it was a neighbor and her kid who wanted to see the baby. It was the weirdest thing. I'd had a C so I could hardly walk and there they stood grinning at me. She wasn't a close friend or anything.
You'll love this one. The cable guy was at my house fixing something and as he was leaving he said, you're almost due to have your connections checked so I'll do it right now. Fine so he went climbing up the pole and I went back to my business when I heard voices from outside. My neighbor, who has to know everything, was waiting for the guy at the base of the pole and was asking him "Did they have anything disconnected?" I'm not kidding. Of course he wouldn't give her any information, which was good.
The thing is, I had given her a key to the house for emergencies. A few weeks later, I had the locks changed -nothing to do with her- and went over there to give her a new key. She rummaged around and around until it was perfectly obvious that she couldn't FIND it so I left without leaving one. No point in leaving an emergency key with a dingbat who couldn't find it if it were needed. Now I hide it outside the house.
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