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Old 09-19-2013, 10:06 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
4,149 posts, read 4,712,974 times
Reputation: 4820

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenelle33 View Post
Hello,

I'm here because I can't seem to let go of a friendship that has been over for 2 years now. My ex bestfriend of 20 years and I had a falling out. She lost her mother to cancer and really changed after the loss. Even though the last year of our friendship (before the fall out) we had been growing apart. I had just met my now husband at that time and I think she was jealous of how well things started to go for me. She was married and was cheated on her husband. I told her I didn't agree with what she was doing and thats what started the fall out. She said a bunch of ugly things to me and I said some things back. After a few weeks I tried to call/text her. She didn't return my calls and then changed her number. So I contacted her on facebook and she told me to go to hell and that we would never be friends again.

I know she made it clear she doesn't want to be friends but I can't seem to move on. I miss her terribly and have dreams about our friendship on a weekly basis. I told my husband maybe I need therapy..she was my closest friend for over 20 years. I should be happy, I have a wonderful husband that I just married two weeks ago, a few good friends, a great family and job I like. But I still feel like my life isn't full without her friendship. I have been tempted to go to her home and knock on her door, and I know its a bad idea. I should just save my dignity and let it go. Why can't I?
I know it hurts but let's do the math. You have made it clear that you want to reach out...twice. She emphatically rejected you...twice. She made a decision...twice. Sometimes in life people can disappoint. You can't be the only one reaching out. It really seems like the two of you have developed very different core values. So, find peace in the face that you did everything you can to salvage the friendship. Embrace what you have. Focus on the positive things in your life. It's time to move on.

Easier said than done...I know.
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Old 09-19-2013, 11:02 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,040,880 times
Reputation: 16171
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenelle33 View Post
Hello,

I'm here because I can't seem to let go of a friendship that has been over for 2 years now. My ex bestfriend of 20 years and I had a falling out. She lost her mother to cancer and really changed after the loss. Even though the last year of our friendship (before the fall out) we had been growing apart. I had just met my now husband at that time and I think she was jealous of how well things started to go for me. She was married and was cheated on her husband. I told her I didn't agree with what she was doing and thats what started the fall out. She said a bunch of ugly things to me and I said some things back. After a few weeks I tried to call/text her. She didn't return my calls and then changed her number. So I contacted her on facebook and she told me to go to hell and that we would never be friends again.

I know she made it clear she doesn't want to be friends but I can't seem to move on. I miss her terribly and have dreams about our friendship on a weekly basis. I told my husband maybe I need therapy..she was my closest friend for over 20 years. I should be happy, I have a wonderful husband that I just married two weeks ago, a few good friends, a great family and job I like. But I still feel like my life isn't full without her friendship. I have been tempted to go to her home and knock on her door, and I know its a bad idea. I should just save my dignity and let it go. Why can't I?
She made it clear to you that she is done with the friendship. You cannot make someone like you and want to be your friend. I think you need to forget about her and start your new life with your husband. If she ever feels regretful of breaking it off she will contact you, but don't hold your breathe.
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Old 09-20-2013, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,019,214 times
Reputation: 19442
Quote:
Originally Posted by NY Annie View Post
Two wise people above. Take this advice and move on. Keep reminding yourself of your former friend's negative personality traits - how she used her husband (cheating) and hurt innocent people - the wives of the men she cheated with, those she lied to (including you). Is this who you want to spend time with? Is this really the kind of person you want for a friend? Every time you start to pine for what you are missing, remind yourself what you are REALLY missing - a liar, cheater, user of people, someone who hurts others repeatedly without remorse.
Exactly, Annie!

What makes it even sadder, is that OP has reached out to this woman and she has basically extended the middle digit in return. Any further attempts to contact her would probably be met with more of the same. It sounds to me like she's just done with the friendship, just like she was done with her husband. You just finally gave her the excuse to move on. If she was as serious about the relationship as you were, she wouldn't have moved on.

Again, OP...please move on. Do this for you. There's not a darn thing wrong with remembering your time spent with this woman, but it would be good for you to examine the friendship closely..the good and the bad. If you were truly friends for 20 years, you just might reconnect 5-10 years down the road, too. This is just another life experience that you will learn from. It will make you a better, stronger person in the long run.
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Old 09-20-2013, 08:18 PM
 
5 posts, read 6,691 times
Reputation: 20
I appreciate all the helpful advice. I'm trying to move on from this. I read everything all of you said and thought about it. The person I knew for all those years and was close with, is gone. The last time I saw her she was bitter, angry, and jealous.

I have to remind myself of that whenever I feel sad.
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:33 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
4,149 posts, read 4,712,974 times
Reputation: 4820
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenelle33 View Post
I appreciate all the helpful advice. I'm trying to move on from this. I read everything all of you said and thought about it. The person I knew for all those years and was close with, is gone. The last time I saw her she was bitter, angry, and jealous.

I have to remind myself of that whenever I feel sad.
You hit the nail on the head, Janelle! The more you focus on the negative or sad things in your life, the more you take away from the positive. Appreciate the fact that this person was in your life for so long, but that person is gone now. You have new relationships and positive things in your life. Focus on those and be thankful for them.
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