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Old 09-20-2013, 02:24 PM
 
37,865 posts, read 14,749,658 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
The whole thinking of "it shouldn't define them forever" is essentially the basis of the enabling behavior.
If the kid stops stealing, it won't define him forever. However, if he keeps it up...

Though, I agree, it was nice that somebody stood up for the rascal.

As to a 20 year getting confused between his Mom telling him he can get a ten dollar bill out of her purse and whether he's allowed to do that whenever the spirit move him
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Old 09-20-2013, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,644 posts, read 4,757,271 times
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Also, I would change the pin numbers on any cards you have. He will get a wake-up when he tries to use it and it's denied. Seriously though, you and mom need to have a sit-down with your bro and tell him that this will not be tolerated, keep his paws off your purse/money/cards or face arrest the next time. And then follow through. Explain that the money tree has dried up and he gets a job to pay his way, or he goes without. Explain that a missing card will result in a report of theft to the credit card company. Simple, clean, and he won't be surprised when you say "no" or when he gets arrested for using a stolen credit card. Mom needs to understand that she is CRIPPLING your brother by enabling him.
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Old 09-20-2013, 03:51 PM
 
37,865 posts, read 14,749,658 times
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I doubt that this mother is going to call the cops, but changing pin numbers is a great idea and reporting missing cards to the credit card company makes perfect sense. What if he wasn't "sharing" her card, but it had dropped out in the parking lot and someone else was using it?

Telling him to keep his paws off your purse and that the phone contract is now in his name is the perfect place to start.
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:00 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,497,465 times
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I don't know a single college that doesn't have free counseling for full-time students. You and your Mom need to participate in a counseling session WITH HIM. The counselor can mediate and impress on your brother what is appropriate behavior for him. Your mother won't like this solution if she's the old school that thinks problems should never be taken outside the family. Explain to her that a counselor is better than the police. Which is where he is headed.
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Old 09-20-2013, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Nassau, Long Island, NY
16,408 posts, read 28,815,803 times
Reputation: 7267
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
Also, I would change the pin numbers on any cards you have. He will get a wake-up when he tries to use it and it's denied. Seriously though, you and mom need to have a sit-down with your bro and tell him that this will not be tolerated, keep his paws off your purse/money/cards or face arrest the next time. And then follow through. Explain that the money tree has dried up and he gets a job to pay his way, or he goes without. Explain that a missing card will result in a report of theft to the credit card company. Simple, clean, and he won't be surprised when you say "no" or when he gets arrested for using a stolen credit card. Mom needs to understand that she is CRIPPLING your brother by enabling him.
The problem is most debit cards can also be used just like credit cards by signing for the purchase rather than entering a PIN (and most cashiers don't even look at the signature).

Mom needs to tell him to get a P/T J-O-B and not quit it like he always does! He won't straighten up and fly right until she stops putting up with this nonsense!
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Old 09-20-2013, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Bay Area, CA
91 posts, read 76,699 times
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I agree with these cats. I say give him the ole Tallahassee carpet ride treatment.
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Old 09-20-2013, 09:04 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 2,830,458 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzlea View Post
My younger brother is almost 20 years old and in college. He was lucky enough to get a scholarship which will cover his tuition. He lives at home with the rest of the family and commutes to school. We are not well off but we get by. In the beginning, my mother and I would give him money for books, transportation, his phone and his other personal expenses. Then I got tired of giving money daily and asked him to get a job. At first he had a work study job which he later quit because he said he couldn't keep up with school while working. I thought that's total BS, most kids who had work study jobs when I was in college worked no more than 20 hrs a week and we're able to study during most of that time. But what the hell, I guess I cant tell him to neglect his school work for a min wage job. I pressured him to get a summer job, which he did. But then he later quit that job. I don't expect him to work full time or anything but I really don't think it's unreasonable for him to work even 10 hrs a week so that he can at least pay for the bus, food, and his frikkin iphone bill I dont even have an iphone.
When i was in college, sometimes I would work close to 40 hours. Granted, my grades suffered a bit but I still managed a 3.3 GPA. I don't expect him to do half of that. Then he started giving himself permission to go into my purse and take my money. Now hes stopped doing that to me but he does it to my mom. She'll just go looking for her card and notice that it's gone. Yesterday we went grocery shopping. She went to look for her debit card to pay and it wasn't there because he had "borrowed" it. How embarrassing is that? This is not the first time this has happened! He always apologizes and says it was an emergency and he wont do it again... And then he does it
Now my mother says we should add money to his account weekly. And if we don't help him out then he might be forced to turn to sketchy activities to make money. I guess she has a point but isn't that enabling him? And when he runs out of money, he just does the same thing again. What to do? How do I teach him a lesson? I seriously wonder if this is some sort of mental issue he has at this point.
it doesn't show a whole lot of character on his part. and school and an education are important (i am a student myself) but HOW you do things matters as well. it doesn't bode well for him in the future, with employers or peers. if he knows he will be provided for, its not a big deal for him to quit a job. he should ABSOLUTELY be contributing to his upkeep. he could be a tutor, or sell stuff on ebay, SOMETHING. i mean, i would love someone to support me through school but its not gonna happen. i would say he is a tad spoiled.
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Old 09-20-2013, 11:40 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,969,248 times
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Simple, hide your purse and stuff, change your cards and your pins and do NOT give it to him, and stop giving him money. If he needs money for anything other than school say no. He won't starve or go naked, he'll get a job, that's what the rest of us in the real world do.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
55,582 posts, read 54,188,638 times
Reputation: 65731
Stick a mousetrap inside your purse.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:31 AM
 
2,907 posts, read 3,026,206 times
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I'd start with a good beating and then increase the dosage everytime the little thief steals from you. If he doesn't learn after a few times, report him to the police. These are the kind of people that take from society their whole lives. And your mother needs a little help too for enabling him. Get tough.
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