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My younger brother is almost 20 years old and in college. He was lucky enough to get a scholarship which will cover his tuition. He lives at home with the rest of the family and commutes to school. We are not well off but we get by. In the beginning, my mother and I would give him money for books, transportation, his phone and his other personal expenses. Then I got tired of giving money daily and asked him to get a job. At first he had a work study job which he later quit because he said he couldn't keep up with school while working. I thought that's total BS, most kids who had work study jobs when I was in college worked no more than 20 hrs a week and we're able to study during most of that time. But what the hell, I guess I cant tell him to neglect his school work for a min wage job. I pressured him to get a summer job, which he did. But then he later quit that job. I don't expect him to work full time or anything but I really don't think it's unreasonable for him to work even 10 hrs a week so that he can at least pay for the bus, food, and his frikkin iphone bill I dont even have an iphone.
When i was in college, sometimes I would work close to 40 hours. Granted, my grades suffered a bit but I still managed a 3.3 GPA. I don't expect him to do half of that. Then he started giving himself permission to go into my purse and take my money. Now hes stopped doing that to me but he does it to my mom. She'll just go looking for her card and notice that it's gone. Yesterday we went grocery shopping. She went to look for her debit card to pay and it wasn't there because he had "borrowed" it. How embarrassing is that? This is not the first time this has happened! He always apologizes and says it was an emergency and he wont do it again... And then he does it
Now my mother says we should add money to his account weekly. And if we don't help him out then he might be forced to turn to sketchy activities to make money. I guess she has a point but isn't that enabling him? And when he runs out of money, he just does the same thing again. What to do? How do I teach him a lesson? I seriously wonder if this is some sort of mental issue he has at this point.
If I had done that to my mother. She'd give me one warning... And make it very clear that next time, she'd call in the cops. Its not an empty threat, she'd do it. You don't go stealing money from family. Being a thief is bad enough, but to steal from your own family... shows very bad, low character. The fact that your mother is convinced he'll turn to "sketchy activities" isn't helping at all. If he does, then so be it-- he'll have to suffer the consequences if he gets caught.
You guys should've made him pay back what he took from you for his "emergencies". As it is, I don't know why you guys are paying for his phone bill-- that should be on him. If there is a need for contact, a Trac Phone and $10/mo should cover it.
You cannot make your mother teach him a lesson. Your mother may never get to that point where she'll draw the line and tell your brother to grow up. The most you can do is not enable him and encourage your mother not to as well.
At this point, your mother is making excuses to enable him. You cannot make her stop. Just make her aware that YOU know it is enabling and that he will only be able to steal from her (which is pretty sketchy, hmmmmm?) and that you will press charges if he steals from you. Make him aware of that also. Yeah, she is setting him up to be a failure and a moocher in life. I do not understand why parents that claim to love their kids do this. That is not real love.
My younger brother is almost 20 years old and in college. He was lucky enough to get a scholarship which will cover his tuition. He lives at home with the rest of the family and commutes to school. We are not well off but we get by. In the beginning, my mother and I would give him money for books, transportation, his phone and his other personal expenses. Then I got tired of giving money daily and asked him to get a job. At first he had a work study job which he later quit because he said he couldn't keep up with school while working. I thought that's total BS, most kids who had work study jobs when I was in college worked no more than 20 hrs a week and we're able to study during most of that time. But what the hell, I guess I cant tell him to neglect his school work for a min wage job. I pressured him to get a summer job, which he did. But then he later quit that job. I don't expect him to work full time or anything but I really don't think it's unreasonable for him to work even 10 hrs a week so that he can at least pay for the bus, food, and his frikkin iphone bill I dont even have an iphone.
When i was in college, sometimes I would work close to 40 hours. Granted, my grades suffered a bit but I still managed a 3.3 GPA. I don't expect him to do half of that. Then he started giving himself permission to go into my purse and take my money. Now hes stopped doing that to me but he does it to my mom. She'll just go looking for her card and notice that it's gone. Yesterday we went grocery shopping. She went to look for her debit card to pay and it wasn't there because he had "borrowed" it. How embarrassing is that? This is not the first time this has happened! He always apologizes and says it was an emergency and he wont do it again... And then he does it
Now my mother says we should add money to his account weekly. And if we don't help him out then he might be forced to turn to sketchy activities to make money. I guess she has a point but isn't that enabling him? And when he runs out of money, he just does the same thing again. What to do? How do I teach him a lesson? I seriously wonder if this is some sort of mental issue he has at this point.
Why all the tip-toeing around?? ^^^ HE IS STEALING FROM YOU!
Would you allow anyone else to do what he is doing? No.
He's a lazy good for nothing thief. Period. He quits jobs because there's no repercussions - he still has money - at the money tree at home. He steals from you and mom because there are no bad consequences, only good ones - he has money to spend and you don't. STOP. Your mother is teaching him that stealing is ok. Show her this thread and tell her that if she continues, he will wind up in jail - and not for stealing from you but for stealing from others. He doesn't see it as a bad thing at all.
Yeah, he is stealing. Your mother needs to deal with it now, because he could easily fall into this habit later in life. She needs to talk to him. I agree he needs to work to fund his "emergencies."
to be fair, we did tell him he needed to pay back the money he took. he did so last year, though not really all of it.
he somehow feels like we owe him stuff and so yes, he steals. I'm not sugarcoating. i did want to see what others thought, i thought maybe, i was being too harsh. I just don't know what else we can say to him because it's happened so many times at this point. If he does it to me again, I'll press charges. My mother would never do that though.
He is stealing and you and your mother are enabling him. Keep your cards close and in a place he cannot access them. Give him a month or two, but tell him that by ____ date he will need to have a job and be paying for himself.
If you and your mother don't take action now and stick with it, your brother's issues are going to get worse. You've already said he feels entitled to things he haven't earned and he hasn't got punished for anything just yet. Not good signs. There's a thread if you go down this forum that specifically talks about enabling parents and entitled siblings... it's not an easy issue to deal with at all and negatively affects the entire family.
If you and your mother don't take action now and stick with it, your brother's issues are going to get worse. You've already said he feels entitled to things he haven't earned and he hasn't got punished for anything just yet. Not good signs. There's a thread if you go down this forum that specifically talks about enabling parents and entitled siblings... it's not an easy issue to deal with at all and negatively affects the entire family.
I agree. He could easily start stealing from others (friends, classmates, etc) and get into BIG BIG trouble.
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I dont even have an iphone. 
