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Old 09-23-2013, 04:53 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
6,105 posts, read 7,236,856 times
Reputation: 4484

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I notice in the places I work, the women who do not smile much, not regarded as "helpful" or friendly, are more successful. They are taken more seriously than the women who smile a lot.

I got the "smile" thing more when I was in my 20's, early 30's. Mostly it came from older unhappy men at work or homeless bums on the street.

It always felt like an order, like I was being told to act like a Stepford robot just to bring them 2 seconds of joy into their miserable lives.

It has been enlightening on this thread to hear male perspectives. I had no idea it was a form of flirting.

If a man wants me to smile, tell me something funny or better yet smile in his own manly smile way.
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:38 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,252,921 times
Reputation: 42502
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I don't see where the "order" part comes in honestly.

So all of this would be less dramatic if he had said specifically: "You should smile more"?
That is beyond silly, this has gone far past what it should have been and even this post is a pure waste of time...
I like it when men whistle. My grandfather whistled a lot and hearing men whistle little tunes makes me feel happy and nostalgic. You should whistle wherever you go in order to bring happiness to those around you.
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles County, CA
29,125 posts, read 21,986,388 times
Reputation: 6128
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
Would you rather someone say to you "You really should sulk and frown more you ugly hag."
lol!
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Portland Metro
2,280 posts, read 3,844,456 times
Reputation: 2643
Quote:
Originally Posted by convextech View Post
What's the point of walking around with a frown or tight lips all the time? Maybe they are saying you would be more attractive if you didn't look like you just ate a lemon.
Apparently only two facial expressions are allowed on women: smile or frown/tight lips.

A neutral expression doesn't exist? Sometimes a person isn't happy or sad but just trying to get to where they're going. Why interfere with that? What business is it of yours?
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Old 09-23-2013, 06:17 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,819 posts, read 16,517,925 times
Reputation: 22405
Quote:
Originally Posted by SabresFanInSA View Post
Obviously we are learning something. I dont think anyone has ever considered it a "demand" and felt (at least in my case) it was an innocent compliment. Having said that I dont think I would ever see some random stranger and say "smile purdy lady!". It is more something you say to someone you know.

We learn something new every day.
You know - if it's someone I know and they are trying to cheer me up - that's a whole different story than the 'smile Purdy lady' that you mentioned.

Two completely different things in my book.
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Old 09-23-2013, 06:18 PM
 
Location: 500 miles from home
29,819 posts, read 16,517,925 times
Reputation: 22405
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
I like it when men whistle. My grandfather whistled a lot and hearing men whistle little tunes makes me feel happy and nostalgic. You should whistle wherever you go in order to bring happiness to those around you.
Seriously I laughed so hard I almost spit out my food. Thank you.
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Old 09-23-2013, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Niagara Region
1,321 posts, read 1,547,280 times
Reputation: 4504
This is something that has irritated me since I was about twelve and that was a long time ago.

I've often wondered if these particular men expect us to be walking down the street and start beaming as we approach them, with eye contact and ever broadening smiles until we've passed each other.

I've sometimes fantasized about carrying around one of those SMILES ON A STICK.. and just whipping it out at the "right" times for the poor sods who need them so badly.
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Old 09-23-2013, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,515,355 times
Reputation: 29030
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I don't see where the "order" part comes in honestly.

So all of this would be less dramatic if he had said specifically: "You should smile more"?
That is beyond silly, this has gone far past what it should have been and even this post is a pure waste of time...

The statement I have highlighted illustrates, to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, WHY this thread is important. It's important far beyond the catalyst that many women are made uncomfortable when others (usually men, but not always) tell them what expression should be on their faces.

It takes the discussion beyond the initial simple observation by illustrating that many people think they can decide what other people should feel. Many of the people who posted negative reactions to the OP's original topic seem to think:

1. Whatever THEY meant by telling a woman to smile makes it OK.
2. They get to decide what any recipient's reaction should be to something they do.
3. They get to decide when another person's emotions are appropriate or not.

Nope, that's not the way it works. You can't tell me what is hurtful to me and what's not, no matter what your INTENT was. You can't tell me when and when not to be offended. I get to decide what offends me. And you don't get to decide when a discussion "has gone far past what it should have been" if people are still interested in it and/or engaged in it. The people involved in the discussion are free to decide that. If you want to drop out of the conversation, feel free. That doesn't have to involve banning the discussion.

All of us have a responsibility to accept the emotions of other people. We don't have to share those emotions. We don't have to agree with the thoughts behind them. And even if we don't have respect in our hearts for people we think are nuts, we still need to TREAT them with respect. And that includes allowing them to feel their feelings and express those feelings whether that's in words or facial expressions.
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Old 09-23-2013, 08:44 PM
 
2,164 posts, read 1,720,263 times
Reputation: 1445
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
This is an automatic response to BRF Syndrome (Bitchy Resting Face).

'Bitchy resting face' is real (kind of). But there's hope - TODAY.com

Short of plastic surgery, the only way to ameliorate BRF is to smile. People are just trying to be helpful.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:33 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,456 posts, read 3,298,657 times
Reputation: 13664
In some cultures (including the one I have my roots in) it is considered awkward to be too automatically smiley and casual with strangers. It would seem fake or off-kilter to go around with a reflexive forced smile. Personally I think it's nice to spread a bit of cheer around if you're feeling it, but no one should feel obliged to do so or be put on the spot by some pushy stranger.
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