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Old 09-21-2013, 07:31 AM
 
244 posts, read 612,627 times
Reputation: 273

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I don't let anyone close to me, why is it a bad thing?

I'm a young 23 year old college student, ever since I was a child, I've dealt with a lot of social issues growing up. Having a mild case of a social disability, dealing with rejection, being bullied, teased, made fun of at times, and dealing with difficult people in general. It also doesn't help I suffer from depression and anxiety issues, which I'm taking medication & going to therapy for.

Aside from these problems, I've actually been able to be happy for the past couple of months while I managed to step back and meditate on myself. I'm taking online classes about to finish my Bachelors Degree, I'm currently joining a vocational program which helps people with disabilities find work based on their skills, and I volunteer at both an animal adoption center and a community center which helps people who have Autism.

I recognize that I was trying so hard to change my lifestyle and please other people besides myself, and in doing so, I became so unhappy and stressed out I had a mental breakdown. Because of this, I never try and please other people, or go out and socialize like other extroverted young adults my age. I'm very introverted, and being in an environment with lots of people drains me mentally, physically, & emotionally. Which is why I never try and go to socialize events with large groups of people, but I do enjoy small groups of social events or one on one conversations. I find people extremely stressful at times and because I have a better understanding of what makes me happy, I don't try and find happiness with other people. However I do know that relationships with other people are important, and I'm working on trying to find a right balance between the two.

Which begs the question, is it bad I don't want to get close to anyone? Is being introverted a really bad thing? Is it wrong for someone to enjoy solitude rather than social events?

Sorry for the long read, I'm definitely interested in hearing your thoughts!
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Old 09-21-2013, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,499 posts, read 5,035,364 times
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Oh, my no, it is not a bad thing to be introverted and enjoy your solitude! Lots of people are, they just aren't as obvious to you because they are...enjoying their solitude.

You already answered your own question. Trying to change and be who you aren't wasn't making you happy. So holding on to the belief that relationships will other people will make you happy wasn't working for you. Delete that part of your equation and just work on finding Your Own Balance.

Just the fact that you are reflective about this aspect of your Self is a sign that you are well on your way.

Many of us keep people at a distance in a variety of ways. You are not as unusual as you think.
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:32 AM
 
37,864 posts, read 14,749,658 times
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You may want to get a copy of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

"At least one-third of the people we know are introverts. They are the ones who prefer listening to speaking, reading to partying; who innovate and create but dislike self-promotion; who favor working on their own over brainstorming in teams. Although they are often labeled "quiet," it is to introverts that we owe many of the great contributions to society-from van Gogh’s sunflowers to the invention of the personal computer."
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:43 AM
 
37,864 posts, read 14,749,658 times
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Good for you for seeking vocational services and community programs geared to support those with a diagnosis of autism.

Temple Grandin has written several books about her approach to building a life that makes the most of who she is.

The title story in An Anthropologist on Mars by Oliver Sacks is about Temple Grandin and how her brain works. Might be worth picking up.

We all have our own songs to sing. Sometimes it's helpful to see how others figured things out their tunes.

Wishing you all the best.
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Old 09-21-2013, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,143 posts, read 12,004,212 times
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Are you kidding?

Back in the 80s a massage therapist, massaging me, was lamenting that she
didn't have many friends...
I said, "Lucky".
Then, I had to explain what I meant....a bunch of trouble.
One or two close people...maybe a sibling, a mom....ok one....is enough, in my opinion.
Or God.

Be happy...and if it is without the problems of other people around , so what?
I'm taking a 2 day full people break, right now.

Added: I gave everyone reps here...wonderful supportive posts.
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Old 09-21-2013, 09:31 AM
 
244 posts, read 612,627 times
Reputation: 273
Thanks for all the supportive answers, I try to avoid having a negative view and try to keep a positive opinion on things. I actually do enjoy a good social experience, and I'm well on my way on improving myself and finding the right people to keep in my life
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Old 09-21-2013, 09:56 AM
 
37,864 posts, read 14,749,658 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redhead360 View Post
Thanks for all the supportive answers, I try to avoid having a negative view and try to keep a positive opinion on things. I actually do enjoy a good social experience, and I'm well on my way on improving myself and finding the right people to keep in my life
As you are in your 20's, your mission right now is to find your passion(s) in life, your life work.

Likely you may have an easier time of this than many of your colleagues as you won't be as easily sidetracked by drama.

A few good friends, who accept and appreciate who you are -- these folks are blessings in life. Keep your eye out. They'll come along.

You sound so level-headed, you probably don't even need all this advice.

Good luck.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:03 AM
 
Location: SC
2,967 posts, read 4,164,897 times
Reputation: 6825
You sound like you have a great grasp on what is going on with yourself. The hardest thing for introverts and people with anxiety to do, is to not overthink everything.

Just keep doing what you are doing, relax, and focus on doing things you enjoy, rather than fixating on what society thinks you should be doing.

Congrats on your degree and job progression! Sounds like you are headed down a great path. Once you are in where you need to be in life, people who should be in your life will naturally fall into place; don't try to force it.
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Old 09-21-2013, 10:07 AM
 
Location: SC
2,967 posts, read 4,164,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma View Post
Oh, my no, it is not a bad thing to be introverted and enjoy your solitude! Lots of people are, they just aren't as obvious to you because they are...enjoying their solitude.
Absolutely.
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Old 09-21-2013, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Louisiana and Pennsylvania
2,755 posts, read 5,308,128 times
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Quote:
I find people extremely stressful at times and because I have a better understanding of what makes me happy, I don't try and find happiness with other people. However I do know that relationships with other people are important, and I'm working on trying to find a right balance between the two.

When you do find that balance, good for you.
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