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So, I've been told my niece is on the verge of dying (again- she must be a cat with 9 lives).
She has colorectal cancer, and my eldest sister has milked this out as much as possible. She uses it to get attention for herself on facebook and has had so many fundraisers she's run out of donaters (last one only raised a couple hundred dollars). She has cried wolf so many times about my niece I don't know what to believe.
Back to my point, sorry. I havent spoke with said niece or any of my family except my dad and one sister for 3 years now. I have no desire to see them or experience another family funeral 'show' like the one my eldest sister threw for my mom. There was a time I did care about my niece, til I had a rude awakening that showed how it was not reciprocated.
Yet, I'm somewhat conflicted about going to the funeral. Many years ago when she was a kid, we had some good times. I also feel sorry for her having such a terrible Mom (my eldest sister). I wonder if I should go for myself and the memory for the person I used to know? But then, the thought of my family makes me want to vomit!
For a close family member I would go, then close the book on that chapter and move on.
If you sister is really crying wolf, then there won't be a funeral to go to. But, if you are notified of the death, yeah, I think you should go. I can't imagine losing a child, so I'd overlook an awful lot of slights under the circumstances.
Take care of yourself. Remember her fondly.
Now, if taking care of yourself is practicing kind restraint and showing up...go ahead.
I must say, a loving connection with one family member could happen!
Stay to yourself and leave soon after? That would work for me.
I would go -as you said for yourself and for the memory of goods times past.
I would limit my involvement. A funeral can be broken into many parts- the wake, the church service, the burial at the cemetery and then possibly a reception of some sort afterwards.
Maybe pick one thing. If you go to the wake, pay your respects to the family, stay half an hour, then leave. If you go to the church, come in as the service is starting, sit in the back, drive yourself to the cemetery, then leave.
Whatever you do, don't go to any lunch or reception afterwards. That's where the real family chaos will be. Really try to limit your contact to the most minimal amount of time possible. Don't stay for hours, don't go overnight.
PS- don't tell your family your plans- that just causes fussing and arguments. If any asks, just say you plan on going and leave it at that. Don't discuss or give specifics.
I usually just do the visitation and leave. I don't show up at the chapel for all the tear jerking, head banging, loud screaming and such, nor do I go the cemetery for the input into the bowels of hell...
Just a quick visit and sign the guest book, say my good byes and leave.
Never had a problem with people, family or friends saying I was wrong...
Remember, Have it your way...
I would go -as you said for yourself and for the memory of goods times past.
I would limit my involvement. A funeral can be broken into many parts- the wake, the church service, the burial at the cemetery and then possibly a reception of some sort afterwards.
Maybe pick one thing. If you go to the wake, pay your respects to the family, stay half an hour, then leave. If you go to the church, come in as the service is starting, sit in the back, drive yourself to the cemetery, then leave.
Whatever you do, don't go to any lunch or reception afterwards. That's where the real family chaos will be. Really try to limit your contact to the most minimal amount of time possible. Don't stay for hours, don't go overnight.
PS- don't tell your family your plans- that just causes fussing and arguments. If any asks, just say you plan on going and leave it at that. Don't discuss or give specifics.
So, I've been told my niece is on the verge of dying (again- she must be a cat with 9 lives).
She has colorectal cancer, and my eldest sister has milked this out as much as possible. She uses it to get attention for herself on facebook and has had so many fundraisers she's run out of donaters (last one only raised a couple hundred dollars). She has cried wolf so many times about my niece I don't know what to believe.
Back to my point, sorry. I havent spoke with said niece or any of my family except my dad and one sister for 3 years now. I have no desire to see them or experience another family funeral 'show' like the one my eldest sister threw for my mom. There was a time I did care about my niece, til I had a rude awakening that showed how it was not reciprocated.
Yet, I'm somewhat conflicted about going to the funeral. Many years ago when she was a kid, we had some good times. I also feel sorry for her having such a terrible Mom (my eldest sister). I wonder if I should go for myself and the memory for the person I used to know? But then, the thought of my family makes me want to vomit!
Any thoughts?
Wow. I think you're a heartless and self-centered person.
Your sister has been dealing with a dying child and you criticize her? I mean, I'm not the kind of person to emote publicly, but that's how a lot of people deal with unimaginable loss. You know that most people would choose to die themselves rather than letting one of their children die, right? And since cancer doesn't run on a timetable, how is your sister to know when her daughter's actual death will take place? So sorry that the girl didn't die on schedule, man.
Personally, if it were my daughter, I'd be spending my last dime to help her. I'd be washing cars if I absolutely had to. I would be begging if necessary for the money to fight for her life. Hell, short of knocking over liquor stores, there's nothing I wouldn't do. So your snobbish critique of her fundraising is just, forgive me for this, freaking arrogant beyond belief. It's petty and mean-spirited and speaks a great deal to your character and lack of empathy.
Nope. I get it. It's all about you 24/7. And if you can tag your niece with some character flaw or some perceived slight from years ago so you can wriggle out of going, you're going to do it, do I have that right? Okay, so you're still on speaking terms with your father and another sister. Don't you think they will be grieving as well? Or do you want to pick a fight with them while you're at it?
You know what I've found in life? When people are estranged from their families for some long, convoluted reason, they themselves are typically the reason. And if this is the attitude you carry through life, I can easily see why the estrangement happened in the first place.
Sometimes it's a good opportunity to view the family bigger picture and see if anything has hope for change. In your case it doesn't sound like it's worth it. It would be interesting to find out if any of your other family sees through this drama, but that's about it for you.
If I were you I would say final good bye! What ever happened how ever happened the person is not there any more. We all die some day OP. So forget about the grudges what you want to vomit about and say good bye to your niece. How people treat you is their karma react is yours.
Last edited by Zeurich; 10-27-2014 at 02:53 PM..
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