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Old 09-27-2013, 06:24 PM
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 46,112 times
Reputation: 19


I have an older half adult sister who only had one job in her life as a waitress. She never worked since. She has never been married and has no children. She gets a very small SS Check because she applied for the check too early. She needs a place to live. She will not be able to pay me rent because she gets enough for food and personals. If I let her live with me, I know she will never leave. We don't get along and she likes to date men who drink and are unemployed. She will basically be sitting home while I go to work. I told her to ask other family members. She did help my mother with me when I was younger but it's hard to get along with her now. She was very close to my mother who has since passed. Should I be responsible for her now because she was nice once to me? Am I wrong for not taking her in?
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Old 09-27-2013, 07:02 PM
Location: Raleigh NC
5,281 posts, read 4,565,247 times
Reputation: 13275
I think you already know the answer. No, you should not take her in because she was once nice to you. Any number of random strangers have been nice to you in the course of your life, and you aren't being asked to take them in.

So you are not wrong for not taking her in. She would be a terrible drain on you. If you can't just tell her this, End the conversation with her by telling her you need three months rent and utilities as a security deposit up front.
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Old 09-27-2013, 07:09 PM
293 posts, read 417,129 times
Reputation: 1315
If she is capable of working, she should be working to pay her own way. If not, maybe she's eligible for Section 8 or some housing voucher program for the poor. You should not be expected to take her in. I have a younger sister in a similar situation. She managed to qualify for disability on "mental" grounds, but it doesn't cover much. She thinks everyone owes her something because they all have more money than her. We all have more money because we've worked all our lives in jobs that were not exciting or enjoyable but paid the bills. I'm annoyed enough to be helping support her and her kind as a taxpayer, let alone let her live in my house for free.
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Old 09-27-2013, 07:11 PM
624 posts, read 748,970 times
Reputation: 973
I wouldn't say you're wrong for not taking her in based on what you've shared here. But I want to ask you: If you could have an honest, productive talk with her about your relationship and your reservations about taking her in, and if she would agree to ground rules that would make you more comfortable, would you consider giving it a try? Do you think she is capable of such a thing? On the other side, if she did move in and it was the nightmare you fear it would be, would you have the resolve to kick her out? If you aren't prepared to kick her out if it doesn't work, there's no question you shouldn't even consider the idea. I personally would take in any member of my family (with one exception, so I get it), but I also know I would be willing and able to show them the door if they made my life miserable. You shouldn't have to give up your own peace for an ungrateful, disagreeable relative just because they are a relative.
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Old 09-27-2013, 08:01 PM
4,750 posts, read 3,316,887 times
Reputation: 4919
Nope, don't do it. You'll be unhappy.

Are you willing to risk your happiness in order to help a family member that you don't even like? Think about what can happen if she brings home the wrong guy...
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Old 09-27-2013, 08:42 PM
260 posts, read 369,724 times
Reputation: 479
If you don't get along it won't work.
I don't think you should feel bad, she is an adult.
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Old 09-27-2013, 09:01 PM
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,701 posts, read 3,994,102 times
Reputation: 6737
I suspect there is a lot more going on than described in your initial post. Did your older sister actually help raise you when you were a child?

Anyway, I saw in another thread that you recently lost your brother (my condolences) and that you are now feeling extreme guilt because you did not allow him to live with you.

This is a personal decision and only you can decide whether you should give your sister a chance. You are the one who will have to live with the consequences, good or bad.

I would at least give it a try, but that is because that was the way I was raised. YMMV.
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Old 09-27-2013, 09:03 PM
6,461 posts, read 6,099,147 times
Reputation: 9778
I would help her find a place to stay in a cheap apartment and maybe pay the first months rent. That is more than enough help IMO. She is getting some money and needs to use it for shelter. She can use a food bank or you could help her stock a pantry. She can also get a job or a boyfriend to pay her way.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:39 PM
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 46,112 times
Reputation: 19
lenora, you are so right. My mom take care of them in their adult life. I guess they never found their place in life. After my mom's passing they felt that I was able to do the same. Caring for my mom's took all my energy and I had to care for myself. I received counseling about my brother and found I was grieving so badly because he went so quick while I was getting him the help he needed. Though, I had to admit that I could not have mentally taken him in when my mother passed.
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Old 09-28-2013, 04:19 PM
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,751,148 times
Reputation: 5220
I would investigate government/state housing projects that are available for seniors who need assistance. There are many programs available. I would then give her the numbers and general information and leave it at that. She is an adult, responsible for her own well-being, I believe in guidance and support, I do not believe in enabling...enabling is counterproductive.
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