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Old 09-30-2013, 11:16 AM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,458,665 times
Reputation: 28900

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Quote:
Originally Posted by penny1969 View Post
This happens every time new people lay eyes on me for the first time. I get mistaken for a race I'm not and everything bad that goes with that race. I spend my life bending over backward proving I'm not ghetto trash when I'm not even a member of that RACE. I have to prove:

I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't do illegal drugs.
I don't have out-of-wedlock children.
Yes I HAVE been married.
I have multiple college degrees from "good" universities.
I grew up in a nice area not the "ghetto."
I don't have a criminal record (except for the usual "driving with Brown skin" tickets that I've so far been able to litigate my own way OUT of)
What else - I like classical music, and was a Math and Science major not some "underwater basket weaving" or "ethnic studies" type major.

So in short, people judging me the minute they lay eyes on me is the STORY OF MY LIFE.
Penny, your profile indicates you are female. Therefore I'm guessing you have been judged on more than just the color of your skin.

Just saying. People make assumptions about others day in and day out.
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Old 09-30-2013, 02:14 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,644,068 times
Reputation: 2156
Yep. My coworkers at my current job are like this. I make friends everywhere I go and everywhere I've ever worked because I'm friendly and outgoing and people are generally easy to get along with when you're that way. When I started this job, it was clear from day one that this was a negative environment and that most of the people working here weren't the type of people I want to be in the same room with let alone befriend.

I've never encountered so many people like that in one place before. Usually, it's just that one person who seems like their goal in life is to make everyone else miserable and I don't even notice them. Here, it's like 7 out of 10, one of which is my boss, so they're hard to ignore. Still, I'm the same person so I was always polite and cordial but would just decline interacting with them outside the context of work to avoid being around their negativity.

Some, I avoided because they were downright disrespectful, nasty, and petty. Well, instead of the people I choose not to engage recognizing that their behavior is to blame, they started labeling me as antisocial and unfriendly and started spreading that around to coworkers.

When I tried to politely explain to some of them what they said or did that I objected to, they'd blatantly ignore it, completely spin it around to be my fault rather than theirs, or make up some alternate irrelevant reason. Anything to detract from themselves being wrong.

When trying to address things professionally off to the side wasn't working, I just started speaking up for myself. "Actually, I chose not to have lunch with you because I didn't feel like spending my break listening to gossip, not because I'm a recluse, as you just told so-and-so". All that did was cause them to tack "has a bad attitude" on to the their "antisocial and unfriendly" shtick.

This false opinion of me completely skewed my work environment and even the way that the performance of my duties is viewed. The few coworkers who are aware that the other ones are the problem find the whole thing absurd. Even coworkers meeting me for the first time say that they didn't expect someone so sweet and friendly given the picture that the "others" painted of me.

For the longest time I was furious about it. I had that need for them to understand they were wrong and to make them acknowledge the truth. I had that need for them to regard me the way that I actually am rather than in this warped way they pulled out of their a$$ because it was easier to label me antisocial than it was to question their own perfection.

But I eventually came to accept two things. One, you can't change how someone sees you when they're hellbent on seeing you that way and two, people who don't matter shouldn't be given center stage in your life and once I find a new job, they most certainly will not matter lol
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Old 09-30-2013, 07:41 PM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,349,470 times
Reputation: 14809
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
Unfortunately, it happens at times...people who don't know you at all OR not well get this wrong idea about your character. It's happened probably to all of us a couple times & it's not a good feeling at all...at least not to me.

I'm experiencing this right now with someone...an elderly lady who probably thinks she knows it all just because she's been on this earth twice as long as I have. I see her from time to time, maybe every 2-4 months, so I like to keep things between us on a good note.

Inside, my blood is boiling because she has insulted me & said things about how she thinks I am that no one has ever said to me before. It has to do with my professionalism/maturity since we work together somewhat. The next time I see her, I'll have to kindly tell her why she's wrong. This is something I just can't let go. Fortunately, I have proof to show/read to her to dispel the feelings she has about me.

Has this happened to you before & what did you do about it?
Sure it has...especially here on city Data...what do I do about it? absolutely nothing..why? because I really don't care what someone who's so presumptuous that they would assume to know me, thinks..it's not worth my time or thought..sorry to hear how it effects you though, wish it didn't.
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Old 09-30-2013, 07:59 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,135 posts, read 21,818,595 times
Reputation: 23216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Forever Blue View Post
Unfortunately, it happens at times...people who don't know you at all OR not well get this wrong idea about your character. It's happened probably to all of us a couple times & it's not a good feeling at all...at least not to me.

I'm experiencing this right now with someone...an elderly lady who probably thinks she knows it all just because she's been on this earth twice as long as I have. I see her from time to time, maybe every 2-4 months, so I like to keep things between us on a good note.

Inside, my blood is boiling because she has insulted me & said things about how she thinks I am that no one has ever said to me before. It has to do with my professionalism/maturity since we work together somewhat. The next time I see her, I'll have to kindly tell her why she's wrong. This is something I just can't let go. Fortunately, I have proof to show/read to her to dispel the feelings she has about me.

Has this happened to you before & what did you do about it?
I am wondering why she has said these things to you? Has she come to these opinions on her own or is she listening to gossip? What is the relationship? Forgive me from being suspicious about her motivations but I have met some controlling people who try to put others to a disadvantage by acting this way even when they know better.

You can try the honest approach but if she continues with the false impressions, I would count her as an enemy in business and do my best to protect myself from her. Watch your back and do not volunteer any information she could twist to use against you.

Try your best not to be put on the defensive. I would say something about not being able to control her thinking (not the best wording I am sure you can think of a better way to say it) and then say you do not see yourself as she does. Then describe who you really are.

We can't control the minds of others but we can refuse to let them define us. You know who you are, don't let her have any power over you by putting you on the defensive. Go steadily forward and don't lose sight of your goal.
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Old 10-23-2013, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,404 posts, read 8,099,769 times
Reputation: 5040
I'm tolerating both Lady #1 & #2. After a longwaiting ordeal, I've finally been paid since I started this thread, but the checks from both ladies were short, so I've had to straighten that out. One lady gave me the difference just yesterday & the other still has to.

Honestly, I'll be glad when I don't have to see either of their faces ever again!

They way they think is all from their own thinking.

penny1969, that's too bad.

cyberphonics, good comments.

purehuman, well whatever strangers I'll never meet who think wrongly about me on a discussion board is vastly different than someone I have to work with on a regular basis in person.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:38 AM
Status: "Things change. Can I?" (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: in the miseries
3,302 posts, read 3,563,135 times
Reputation: 3810
This does happen because impressions can be faulty. You can
only prove the other person wrong. It helps to have a wing
man, too to help.
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Southern California
5,404 posts, read 8,099,769 times
Reputation: 5040
luvmyhoss, yeah well, unfortunately, I'm all on my own...no wing man to speak up for me on my behalf. It's them against me.
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