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Old 10-06-2013, 03:51 AM
 
10,097 posts, read 7,544,951 times
Reputation: 5225

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So today I asked this British lady who was working as a barista here in LA "how was she was doing" and she must've been having a bad week or something because she just kind of went off on me. She asked me if I really cared or was that just another empty American gesture? She was a bit rude but I let it go because I could tell she was having a rough day.

Instead I told her, you know you'd be surprised by how many Americans would actually care to know about your day, rather than the the numbers that wouldn't. I for one wouldn't have minded if you told me a bit about your day and if I had the time would've given advice or helped. But if you want to play that whole cynical European routine where you think all Americans are insincere then that is fine too. If you want to think of yourself as morally superior for being an introverted social awkward person and confuse it as being "real" then by all means do what you feel.

I just do not get what is going with people these days. I get it if you're not the social type, that's fine, not everyone is, I wouldn't want to be a jerk and force someone into a situation they didn't like but it's almost as though there are those that get off on projecting their social deficits on others who are more open with people.

What happened in the last 10 years that I am not aware of? It's as though people get off on being jerks and jerks are praised as being more "real" and being too nice or social is akin to being a grifter.

The British girl was shocked I told her that and so were the people around me. She didn't apologize but I didn't expect that. We both just had enough of each other's type.

Is the cynical douche introverted mess just seen as being more real these days? Do people just watch too much TV and think that acting like James Bond, House MD or the Mentalist actually gets you anywhere? Those are media personalities, make believe people who wouldn't have really gotten anywhere being that di c kish. Just my two cents.

I welcome all opinions.
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Old 10-06-2013, 04:42 AM
 
537 posts, read 995,391 times
Reputation: 1264
I'm not understanding how that was introverted. Chances are she just doesn't like Americans, thus making the comment about Americans making empty gestures. Combine that with working as a barista, and you have yourself a disgruntled worker!

I'm an introverted mess, and I'm nothing like that. I honestly doubt she sits down each night and takes notes watching these TV shows thinking, "Yeah, that's what I want to become."

What's happened in the last ten years is people don't actually talk to each other. We're either always on our phones or communicating to each other through different means. So when we actually have to talk to each other, it's difficult, because now we aren't used to social cues and communication. So you have these supposed "introverted messes" who aren't being jerks... they just don't know how to talk to other people. Does this speak for your barista? Probably not. It was one conversation in the many thousands you will have in your life. Does it really matter?
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Old 10-06-2013, 04:50 AM
 
3,062 posts, read 1,567,273 times
Reputation: 3202
I agree with drunkwithwords. She is not an introvert.

She needs to work on her social skills. Her social skills probably allowed her to get by where she was from locally. Now she has to adapt.
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Old 10-06-2013, 05:13 AM
 
18,362 posts, read 23,537,072 times
Reputation: 34427
Quote:
Originally Posted by radiolibre99 View Post
So today I asked this British lady who was working as a barista here in LA "how was she was doing" and she must've been having a bad week or something because she just kind of went off on me. She asked me if I really cared or was that just another empty American gesture? She was a bit rude but I let it go because I could tell she was having a rough day.

Instead I told her, you know you'd be surprised by how many Americans would actually care to know about your day, rather than the the numbers that wouldn't. I for one wouldn't have minded if you told me a bit about your day and if I had the time would've given advice or helped. But if you want to play that whole cynical European routine where you think all Americans are insincere then that is fine too. If you want to think of yourself as morally superior for being an introverted social awkward person and confuse it as being "real" then by all means do what you feel.

I just do not get what is going with people these days. I get it if you're not the social type, that's fine, not everyone is, I wouldn't want to be a jerk and force someone into a situation they didn't like but it's almost as though there are those that get off on projecting their social deficits on others who are more open with people.

What happened in the last 10 years that I am not aware of? It's as though people get off on being jerks and jerks are praised as being more "real" and being too nice or social is akin to being a grifter.

The British girl was shocked I told her that and so were the people around me. She didn't apologize but I didn't expect that. We both just had enough of each other's type.

Is the cynical douche introverted mess just seen as being more real these days? Do people just watch too much TV and think that acting like James Bond, House MD or the Mentalist actually gets you anywhere? Those are media personalities, make believe people who wouldn't have really gotten anywhere being that di c kish. Just my two cents.

I welcome all opinions.
its funny, one thread on here by a woman was "what's happened with men?" men arent chivalrus, men dont approach women anymore, men have seem to turn into scared little boys who again, cant even approach a woman

and you read other threads that when a man does approach a woman, often they are dismissed, belittled,
looked upon as a predator,,, etc.

every woman is different, some are scared little girls in a womans body, and actually some are friendly, some, thru past experience get burnt by a man, and have the protective walls up


to the op, let it roll off-she could be having a bad day-a 1000 reasons of why,,,
the next women you say this to, might appreciate it

dont let some miserable person, woman (or man) discourage you


I still believe there is good in everyone , but everyone has their own challenges too
so greeting someone is hit or miss


last week, im in a parking lot, going to my car, a woman was just standing outside of her car holding a cell phone-my car was next to hers, i say hi-, beautiful day for october, and she doesnt say a word, just stares, i proceed to put a bag in my back-seat, couldnt help but hear her hollaring on the phone, that her car wouldnt start- the battery is dead,,
so, as i get in my car, she gets in hers, and i look over, she's crying, so i politefully ask her if i could jump her, (jumpstart her car) i told her i have cables in my trunk.. she nodded..
so i hook up the cables and told her to try, and her car started, she brightened right up, smiled and asked if she could compensate me...
now if i didnt hear her on her phone to the crisis she was in-i'd have thought what a cold b--- when i said hi, and no response..
so dont be so quick to judge someone else, if they dont return a greeting- you have no idea whats going on in their head
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Old 10-06-2013, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Utica, NY
1,912 posts, read 2,547,030 times
Reputation: 3200
I was born in the UK, so I can relate, although she was rude and there's no excuse for that. British people tend to be much more introverted and private than Americans. You should not take it personally. The girl was probably having a hard time trying to adapt here. Americans tend to far more extroverted and are more likely to engage a stranger or say hi. To many British people, that seems weird.
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Old 10-06-2013, 06:53 AM
 
1,915 posts, read 3,348,825 times
Reputation: 3032
She's rude, plain and simple. I would remind her that she's at work and should be more focused on providing quality service. Your question "how are you doing" is just like saying hello.
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Old 10-06-2013, 07:00 AM
 
10,097 posts, read 7,544,951 times
Reputation: 5225
I appreciate all the understanding. Do foreigners at least accept that its a custom for a lot of Americans to be social? Or is it more of an annoyance?

I get that things are different but lately I've noticed that a lot of Americans are becoming this way too. I get the impression that life is immitating art and people are thinking the fake interactions they see on tv have more "real" depth than the causal interactions they have with people in public.

I didn't mean to pick on introverts, I understand how debilitating that can be in social interactions. I was shy in high school and was a late bloomer at life so I understand.

I also want to make note that I have seen the girl before. It's my regular Starbucks and she's always in there and I took her for an introvert. She was always distant and less chatty than the others, which was fine, never bothered me, until I must've caught her on a day she was having enormous trouble and fired back.
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Old 10-06-2013, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,571 posts, read 24,154,474 times
Reputation: 48986
It sounds like she was having a crappy day (just dumped, maybe) and your comment pushed her over the edge. Not optimal for a customer service person, but we've all been there. Has absolutely nothing to do with introversion.
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Old 10-06-2013, 07:28 AM
 
3,062 posts, read 1,567,273 times
Reputation: 3202
Quote:
Originally Posted by radiolibre99 View Post
I appreciate all the understanding. Do foreigners at least accept that its a custom for a lot of Americans to be social? Or is it more of an annoyance?

I get that things are different but lately I've noticed that a lot of Americans are becoming this way too. I get the impression that life is immitating art and people are thinking the fake interactions they see on tv have more "real" depth than the causal interactions they have with people in public.

I didn't mean to pick on introverts, I understand how debilitating that can be in social interactions. I was shy in high school and was a late bloomer at life so I understand.

I also want to make note that I have seen the girl before. It's my regular Starbucks and she's always in there and I took her for an introvert. She was always distant and less chatty than the others, which was fine, never bothered me, until I must've caught her on a day she was having enormous trouble and fired back.
That varies from foreigner to foreigner. Some are ready to adapt, some still find it confusing especially if they take everything literally. I think Americans can be described as such. This is more about social skills than introversion.

I am an introvert but I have a large group of friends. I know how to behave but I have my time limits. My daughter is an extrovert and can play well with other children all day long.
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Old 10-06-2013, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Utica, NY
1,912 posts, read 2,547,030 times
Reputation: 3200
Quote:
Originally Posted by radiolibre99 View Post
I appreciate all the understanding. Do foreigners at least accept that its a custom for a lot of Americans to be social? Or is it more of an annoyance?

I get that things are different but lately I've noticed that a lot of Americans are becoming this way too. I get the impression that life is immitating art and people are thinking the fake interactions they see on tv have more "real" depth than the causal interactions they have with people in public.

I didn't mean to pick on introverts, I understand how debilitating that can be in social interactions. I was shy in high school and was a late bloomer at life so I understand.

I also want to make note that I have seen the girl before. It's my regular Starbucks and she's always in there and I took her for an introvert. She was always distant and less chatty than the others, which was fine, never bothered me, until I must've caught her on a day she was having enormous trouble and fired back.
See bolded part: she's British. There's your answer. We are not naturally chatty people unless we know you. You would have quite a similar culture shock if you went to the UK and attempted to chat to random people in a Starbucks. Many people would look at you weird.
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