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Honesty is an admirable trait. Being tactless or offensive under the guise of honesty is not.
Agreed. I'm honest all the time but manners and etiquette are paramount to me. The rare occasions in which I've offended someone, it's only been under one of two circumstances: 1) The person wildly misinterpreted something I said, then realized afterwards and weren't offended anymore or 2) I told the person something that only offended them because they didn't want to hear it even though I was being polite.
But those are one-offs. I think it's only a curse so far as living in a world where being dishonest is common enough to make people constantly doubt your honesty. My honesty has always been a draw with people but you do sometimes come across people who think there's something fishy about it - like you must be lying about things because "no one's" that honest or, maybe more to the point, no one's that comfortable in their own skin.
Boy, I knew a guy who was always honest but tactless as a sumb-tch. Most obnoxious person ever though plenty of people still enjoyed his company because it was entertaining to say the least (see; they got off on the constant fights he started).
I am an honest person. I’m honest with myself and with others. I always deal with people straight and direct. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I don’t sugar coat my words, or make up “Nice Things” to say just to please certain people for whatever purpose. Mind you, I don’t go about offending people either. I always try to be polite, professional and supportive whenever I can in my communication with others, which is hugely different from being fake and “A** Kissing”.
Unfortunately my honest casual remarks during casual conversations do get in the way sometimes. I admit I sometimes blurb out things accidentally, unintentionally and inappropriately which might have offended the intended receivers, although some of them are polite enough not to show it to my face right away. But I’m quite sure they’d hate me for it when I turn my back on them. I wish I could apologize right away but then it would make the situation even more awkward. Believe me, I’m trying hard to refrain my honesty.
Sounds familiar? Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar. So once again, my simple question: Honesty, Virtue or Curse? Your thoughts please, be honest.
Really and truly, you are wallowing in a gigantic conceit that being absolutely 100% straightforward means it's okay to sacrifice people's feelings in the noble pursuit of truth because, hey, you are an honest person. It's a false choice based on a false understanding of what truthfulness is.
There's a vast difference between being honest and being frank. For the first quality is to be trustworthy and ethical as you keep the other person's interests in mind, while the second is simply about not having a filter between one's brain and mouth. People who pride themselves on being frank, as you seem to do, are less interested in the feelings of the other than fulfilling their own grandiose self-image. It's really egoism in action.
Even then, it's entirely possible to be truthful and not be hurtful at the same thing. This is known as tact. If someone asks you how an outfit looks on them, there's an enormous difference between saying "You look awful in that" and saying, "I bet that looked great on the rack, but I think that another choice would be far more flattering to you..." That way, it's not about them. It's about the outfit. See how it works?
If I had a dime for every tactless person who claims they're just 'honest' I could retire.
YES, so true!
Has anyone also noticed that there are many of these "honest to a fault" (their words, not mine) people with profiles on dating sites? Good gawd, I have never seen so many people use the phrase, "I am brutally honest and if you can't handle that, then we will not be a good match" Well that and that they love "sarcasm". Can you understand why I don't do online dating? Oops, I digress...
OP, to be tactful and diplomatic is NOT a trait of insincerity. It is a trait that many successful people share.
Really and truly, you are wallowing in a gigantic conceit that being absolutely 100% straightforward means it's okay to sacrifice people's feelings in the noble pursuit of truth because, hey, you are an honest person. It's a false choice based on a false understanding of what truthfulness is.
There's a vast difference between being honest and being frank. For the first quality is to be trustworthy and ethical as you keep the other person's interests in mind, while the second is simply about not having a filter between one's brain and mouth. People who pride themselves on being frank, as you seem to do, are less interested in the feelings of the other than fulfilling their own grandiose self-image. It's really egoism in action.
Even then, it's entirely possible to be truthful and not be hurtful at the same thing. This is known as tact. If someone asks you how an outfit looks on them, there's an enormous difference between saying "You look awful in that" and saying, "I bet that looked great on the rack, but I think that another choice would be far more flattering to you..." That way, it's not about them. It's about the outfit. See how it works?
Has anyone also noticed that there are many of these "honest to a fault" (their words, not mine) people with profiles on dating sites? Good gawd, I have never seen so many people use the phrase, "I am brutally honest and if you can't handle that, then we will not be a good match" Well that and that they love "sarcasm". Can you understand why I don't do online dating? Oops, I digress...
OP, to be tactful and diplomatic is NOT a trait of insincerity. It is a trait that many successful people share.
Yes, I skip right past those profiles, just as I do with the guys who talk about their "sarcastic sense of humor".
Yes, I skip right past those profiles, just as I do with the guys who talk about their "sarcastic sense of humor".
People who think sarcasm is an acceptable form of humor are people who essentially like to make other people small and insignificant. It's a passive-aggressive response that angry people use on those who don't deserve it. In the great scheme of things, it's not as bad as kicking kittens and puppies, but it's pretty darned close.
I am an honest person. I’m honest with myself and with others. I always deal with people straight and direct. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. However, I don’t sugar coat my words, or make up “Nice Things” to say just to please certain people for whatever purpose. Mind you, I don’t go about offending people either. I always try to be polite, professional and supportive whenever I can in my communication with others, which is hugely different from being fake and “A** Kissing”.
Unfortunately my honest casual remarks during casual conversations do get in the way sometimes. I admit I sometimes blurb out things accidentally, unintentionally and inappropriately which might have offended the intended receivers, although some of them are polite enough not to show it to my face right away. But I’m quite sure they’d hate me for it when I turn my back on them. I wish I could apologize right away but then it would make the situation even more awkward. Believe me, I’m trying hard to refrain my honesty.
Sounds familiar? Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar. So once again, my simple question: Honesty, Virtue or Curse? Your thoughts please, be honest.
Honesty can be both. If you are honest about your opinions then it can be a curse. If you can understand that there is a difference between opinion and fact, keep your opinions to yourself, then it can be a virtue.
However, in this case it doesn't matter. You say you wish you could apologize. Those are your honest feelings but you don't listen to them. Why ignore them at this time? That is a weakness in character which, IMO, is more serious than cursed honesty.
This country has been in a major cultural shift. I suspect directness used to be more acceptable before everyone became so politically correct. I know quite a few people including myself who don't mind "honesty, directness, bluntness" or however you want to phrase it. I know I would prefer to hear what you have to say in a more direct manner rather than try to guess at some vagueness to try and decipher the actual meaning of what was said. Bluntly stating something negative is not necessarily considered hostile. It is just accepted as the statement of opinion or fact depending upon the situation. I've sometimes felt that the "hurt feelings" because someone said something negative is more of a reflection of the self-centeredness of the person with the hurt feelings rather than a personal attack by the person making the statement. Not everything is about you. Sometimes an opinion is just an opinion. If it wasn't directed at you, then why take it personal and be upset.
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Well that and that they love "sarcasm". Can you understand why I don't do online dating? Oops, I digress...
