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Paying her parents bills is not going to help them. They are not changing their poor financial habits, and its going to go on and on until the OP is completely broke. There comes a time when you have to STOP enabling their bad decisions. Paying their bills is not going to help them. Making them decide how to dig their own way out is helping them for the long term.
So basically, over the past two years, I've loaned my parents $4500 and $3000 in lump sums. Now, they need to borrow another lump sum of $6500 and I'm not happy about this. They need to borrow the money due to recent hardships and basically just not being very good at managing money and not having sufficient credit to get a loan. I'm their only child and I'm single with no children so I just support myself. Loaning them the money isn't going to necessarily make it difficult for me to pay my own bills, but my issue is that I know they can't pay it back any time soon so loaning them money is basically like throwing it into a black hole. I've received no payments toward the $7500 I've already loaned them so I know it won't be any different with the $6500. Maybe I'll get it back eventually if they die before me and I'm able to collect on their life insurance policy but hopefully they won't be dying any time soon.
In their defense, I know they don't like asking me for money and they would pay me back if they could AND they are trying to get back on track financially. I don't plan to loan them any more large amounts of money after this, but once again, I'm their only child so if something really serious comes up, of course I'm going to have to help them out. But it's just a very frustrating situation and it pains me to think about how my bank account could look if I had parents that were a bit better at managing their own finances.
So this is basically just a "woe is me" rant. Can anyone top me and talk about the thousands of dollars they've loaned out and haven't gotten paid back so that I can feel a little better?
They have three homes??? They need a financial advisor ~ something or someone ~ besides yourself to help them out of this mess or you'll be burdened with this circus until they're gone. I do think you need to make it more of a contract (on paper) if you decide to go through with it. Either that, or consider the money as a "gift" or whatever (in that case, you should still expect your prior loan repaid).
They're your FAMILY. It's not like you're giving that money to some strangers. Do you know how much it costs to raise a child (1 child) these days? it's 6 figures plus. Imagine having 2, 3, 4 kids.
I am really disgusted when families don't see fit to support themselves financially, and it becomes a matter of "business". This is why the US is becoming a land of selfishness, and greed.
Are they borrowing money to play at Casino's? buy jewelry? or golden toilets? cause THAT would be something that would pose a real problem, if not, and they're just trying to survive, give them a break...you didn't get make this kind of money all on your own, and didn't start having a job at age 4 to support yourself did you? Why don't YOU help them get back on their feet?
This idea of family and essentially owing a debt to one's parents is becoming a recurring theme in this thread so I'm not picking on you, just using your post to make a point.
I have five children and I raised them on a single income as their mother stayed home to raise the brood. She and I divorced when the youngest two were eight and 12 and for the next 12 years I paid child support ranging from $875 a month for the last four years to $1,750 a month for the first eight years. For several years I also paid $500 a month in spousal support. The first three children were raised entirely by the ex and me together.
At no time did I ever feel my children were indebted to me in any way merely because we brought them into the world, fed, clothed and housed them. They owe me nothing. unfortunately, the ex has guilted them out of thousands of dollars over the years but my role since they became adults has been a more natural parental one of helping some of them out financially from time to time when the needed it and doing the same for my current wife's two daughters.
Never in my wildest imaginings can I conceive of asking my children for one red cent. I'd rather live under a bridge than do that.
By the way, raising a child from birth to 18 costs about $250,000 nowadays. It's money well spent and should be done so with absolutely no strings attached, then or ever.
This idea of family and essentially owing a debt to one's parents is becoming a recurring theme in this thread so I'm not picking on you, just using your post to make a point.
I have five children and I raised them on a single income as their mother stayed home to raise the brood. She and I divorced when the youngest two were eight and 12 and for the next 12 years I paid child support ranging from $875 a month for the last four years to $1,750 a month for the first eight years. For several years I also paid $500 a month in spousal support. The first three children were raised entirely by the ex and me together.
At no time did I ever feel my children were indebted to me in any way merely because we brought them into the world, fed, clothed and housed them. They owe me nothing. unfortunately, the ex has guilted them out of thousands of dollars over the years but my role since they became adults has been a more natural parental one of helping some of them out financially from time to time when the needed it and doing the same for my current wife's two daughters.
Never in my wildest imaginings can I conceive of asking my children for one red cent. I'd rather live under a bridge than do that.
By the way, raising a child from birth to 18 costs about $250,000 nowadays. It's money well spent and should be done so with absolutely no strings attached, then or ever.
This is a great post. If the OP's situation were truly just about the money, this thread would probably have been posted somewhere like the Economics section.
The post that you highlighted demonstrates what exactly is so difficult about the OP's situation because it encapsulates the guilt and manipulative tactics that people so often foist upon one another, especially in close family situations. If it were a friend, or even a distant relative asking for the money, it would be way easier to say no.
Yes, it does cost money to raise a child, but I'm sure it didn't cost the OP's parents $250k. Those figures apply to a child born last year. We don't know how old the OP is, but it's safe to say that since she's an adult with her own career, the cost was a lot less when she was born. And, honestly, so what if it wasn't? The OP didn't ask to be born; her parents chose to have a child. And the cost of raising the OP isn't why the parents are struggling right now. It's the parents' poor financial management, which has nothing to do with her.
I don't get the people who feel that somehow children have a lifetime obligation to their parents just because they brought them into the world. IMO, the OP fulfilled her obligation by becoming a productive member of society. She said that the loan wouldn't necessarily make it hard for her to pay her bills, but what parent would ask for financial help to the degree where it would make it more difficult for the child to reach her own goals, buy a house, maybe have her own children, create her own safety net in case something should happen?
There's something else going on here. It ain't just the money.
Don't forget that OP can't afford to bail them out long term anyway. Her parents are spiraling down into bankruptcy even while owning three properties. Their daughter can't save them from their bad financial decisions for longer than maybe one more year!
This idea of family and essentially owing a debt to one's parents is becoming a recurring theme in this thread so I'm not picking on you, just using your post to make a point.
I have five children and I raised them on a single income as their mother stayed home to raise the brood. She and I divorced when the youngest two were eight and 12 and for the next 12 years I paid child support ranging from $875 a month for the last four years to $1,750 a month for the first eight years. For several years I also paid $500 a month in spousal support. The first three children were raised entirely by the ex and me together.
At no time did I ever feel my children were indebted to me in any way merely because we brought them into the world, fed, clothed and housed them. They owe me nothing. unfortunately, the ex has guilted them out of thousands of dollars over the years but my role since they became adults has been a more natural parental one of helping some of them out financially from time to time when the needed it and doing the same for my current wife's two daughters.
Never in my wildest imaginings can I conceive of asking my children for one red cent. I'd rather live under a bridge than do that.
By the way, raising a child from birth to 18 costs about $250,000 nowadays. It's money well spent and should be done so with absolutely no strings attached, then or ever.
Best post on this thread.
A child does not ask to be born. A parents job is to help prop up that child and financially support the child in order to give them the best shot possible at a good future in life. This is how families are successful and able to live comfortably into future generations.
If every child/young adult owed everything to their parents, simply because the parents raised them, we would be living in a society of tent cities where no struggling young person could ever get ahead as they sailed into adulthood and attempted to start their own marriage or family. It is too hard in this day and age for people to ahead financially. The last thing they need are parasitic family members sucking them dry and affecting their future.
A child does not ask to be born. A parents job is to help prop up that child and financially support the child in order to give them the best shot possible at a good future in life. This is how families are successful and able to live comfortably into future generations.
If every child/young adult owed everything to their parents, simply because the parents raised them, we would be living in a society of tent cities where no struggling young person could ever get ahead as they sailed into adulthood and attempted to start their own marriage or family. It is too hard in this day and age for people to ahead financially. The last thing they need are parasitic family members sucking them dry and affecting their future.
There's also a huge difference between letting Granny live in your basement so she won't be homeless, and OP's parents saying "Give me $10,000 to pay taxes on my rental property!"
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