Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She also mentioned not putting up a Xmas tree this year. Maybe she feels she would have to if we came with the boys? She's always been VERY into getting her tree ready and it's a lot of work.
Why don't you go when it is convenient for you to go and visit other family that you want to see but don't tell them you are going to be in town.
Then after you get there give them a call once you have settled into the hotel and tell them you are in town to visit other family but they are welcome to meet you at the hotel pool to visit with you or you can meet them somewhere for supper out.
No. But why is a visit two weeks before a minor outpatient surgery an issue?
It isn't. It's an excuse.
I know someone in their mid-30's who famously says "I have to do laundry" every time he doesn't want to do something. He'll use that excuse even if you're trying to do something over the course of a 3 day weekend. He has to do his laundry for 72 hours?! What, by hand in a creek?! He's just bad at coming up with excuses.
Why doesn't your husband grow a pair and ask what the problem is, as it seems to me there is some underlying issue other than it being an inconvenience to your MIL as that is whom this whole thread has been about.
Inlaws don't want you to visit. Cool. Where do i get some of those? The only problem I see with the OP is that the inlaws will still come to visit them. The ideal situation would be to not do either. LOL
I am thinking that maybe they have a housekeeping or hoarding problem they don't want you to see, but which they can't manage to get ahead of. But who knows?
I think the solution is as a former poster suggested. Make motel reservations, tell them you will be in town and the dates, and visit the other people and perhaps meet them at a restaurant. If there are other relatives there, I imagine they will tell you the problem. Relatives love to gossip.
It might be a good idea if your spouse sort of checks up on them too. There might be a major problem there he needs to know about.
When I was married we had the opposite problem, we couldn't get my Wife's family to visit us. We tried to include them in every birthday party for our Sons, or to just come and spend some time with them, but they always had the excuse we lived too far away (it was a half hour drive )
But when we announced we were moving to California all of a sudden they accused me of doing it on purpose to take "their Grandsons away from them !" I reminded them that if they had so much interest in seeing their Grandsons they had passed up a bunch of invitations to do it, so I didn't buy their argument now.
Family dynamics are SOOOOO much fun. (Single life is so much more pleasant sometimes)
Their house is very clean...she's a bit OCD. I'm pretty sure every surface is safe to eat off of. I believe they've recently refurnished a few rooms as well...hmmm, maybe they don't want the boys on the new furniture? I think they got a new living room set and a new bedroom set.
I don't think health is an issue. They are pretty open with things like that.
Oh.... new furniture. I know my mom waited a long time to get her new furniture, until after the kids were gone.
Older people often get used to not having small children around, and they may be over-protective of their things, knowing kids can be rough and rowdy. If she's OCD, all the more reason, kids have sticky fingers, they wipe boogers on things, they roll around, jump on furniture and when you're used to small kids, it seems very natural how kids are. My MIL was like that too, she had become accustomed to a quiet orderly house, she was very much into her daily routine and having interruptions to her routine wasn't fun for her.
Also with many people who live in the same town or within driving distance, they may visit family members but never stay overnight in each others' homes. We had relatives who lived a block a way and our family would have never stayed 4 days and nights in their home. It might be your MIL isn't accustomed to having overnight guests and isn't comfortable --- but I don't think you should take it personal at all. Just find a work around it.
My dad wouldn't stay in our houses. He would bring an RV or camping trailer and park it in the yard -- if we went out to invite him and his wife in for coffee, we'd find them already sitting at their own table having coffee -- and inviting us in. When we would visit him, he invited us to stay in the RV -- I think he just got used to life without kids in his house for more than a few hours.
It's stressful to me to have company because I feel like I need to clean the whole house and plan meals and activities for when the company is here. Same with have people at our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's a huge undertaking and I'm frankly relieved every year when the holidays are over and I can go back to normal everyday life. That may not be the case with your family, but just throwing it out there.
And also there could be personal problems they are facing - marital? financial? - the make it not a good time for visitors.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
What, by hand in a creek?! He's just bad at coming up with excuses. 
)
(Single life is so much more pleasant sometimes)
