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My late stepson met me when he was 14 and we got along beautifully. I still have Mother's Day cards he gave me. His mom and dad were civil and I got along fine with his mom, too. He and his dad and I went on a lot of camping and biological field trips together and he was always such fun to have with us, with a hilarious sense of humor. He died in 1994 and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. Maybe we were unusual.
I married my 2nd husband when my kids were 8 and 10. He had no children of his own and made it clear he did not want to make any. He had very little empathy for my boys and was very harsh and critical towards them. I had been a single parent for 7 years and had my own discipline style - far different from his. The way he related to my sons made me dislike him more and more and eventually I left the marriage. They, nor I, have any contact with him now. He didn't build on a father/son relationship so they have no desire or need to consider him a stepfather.
Some people are not meant to be parents and should not enter in a relationship with someone who has children.
My "step"sister (I use quotes as I consider her my sister) has a close and wonderful relationship with my Dad. She calls him Dad and talks to him several times a week. She is close to her stepmother (married to her real dad) as well and visits them frequently. So it does work for some.
The divorce rate between a parent and a non parent is VERY high, somewhere around 80% I believe. Why? many reasons but partly because of the issues involved with the kids. I've seen the worst situations with step parenting, between the financial aspects such as the step parent forced to support the stepchildren and often the former spouse to the drama, from the ex to the kids hating the new spouse and blaming them for the divorce.
There is no way I would ever date let alone marry a divorced dad, even grown kids can be a problem.
My stepmother was a wonderful woman, I had her in my life since I was 4. I saw her as my own mother, couldn't wait to plan my wedding with her around, etc. She supported me and taught me a lot about life. Unfortunately we lost her YOUNG to cancer last year, but I just loved that woman. She was one of my best friends. My step siblings, I'd put a lot on the line for them. I love my whole family so much! Thank God her and my father got married, they are what I want my future marriage to be.
FYI, they came together with a lot of awful circumstances going on, so we went through a lot together. There was a good two year period where I wasn't speaking with my father. She brought us back together. I hope to see her again someday.
I'm curious about the circumstances regarding your birth mother.
I'm curious about the circumstances regarding your birth mother.
Oh, I love her very much, she'll always be my mother, but we are very different people. We went through a lot together when my parents split, I didn't feel as if she was the parent in the situation (I was). I'm grown now, but there is just a lot that time can't erase, especially considering she hasn't completely overcome some of her "old" ways.
My parents both have a past that they aren't proud of, they both caused our family a LOT of pain. My father has shown his change over the years, while my mother is still coming through her storm. It doesn't pain me any longer like it used to. She IS making changes, however we aren't there yet.
I see it as I was lucky enough to have my stepmother in my life, and hopefully my mother becomes the woman she wants to be. Her and my father were just awful together though. I think it took a woman like my stepmother for him to "wake up". I love my parents (and who they have become) more now than I did years ago. My stepmothers death definitely made me see thinks differently, and I'm really trying to be there for my mother more than I was in the past. Hopefully that'll help things.
I also hope my father marries again, or at least partners up. I'd hate to see him be alone (unless he wanted to be of course). I don't think anyone could ever replace my stepmother and their love, however if he genuinely fell in love, I'd try and make her feel as welcome as possible. I also think he's too "old" and experienced to fall for any BS at this point, but we'll see.
I know of step family situations in my immediate family and then those of my friends and other distant relatives over the years. In about 80-85 percent of the situations, the "blended" family did not work out so well for many reasons. So for the vast majority of the time, I would say No.
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To answer OP's question...
