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Old 12-06-2007, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,248 posts, read 20,310,262 times
Reputation: 3587

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I have a very toxic family and I do not deal with them on Christmas or at anytime. I have siblings and I only speak to one of them. The others can go to hell. I had to put up with them when I was young but I don't know. Don't know if they are even alive or dead. Don't care either.
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Old 12-06-2007, 04:45 PM
 
24,925 posts, read 22,760,828 times
Reputation: 14920
Quote:
Originally Posted by KevK View Post
I have a very toxic family and I do not deal with them on Christmas or at anytime. I have siblings and I only speak to one of them. The others can go to hell. I had to put up with them when I was young but I don't know. Don't know if they are even alive or dead. Don't care either.

It is a shame....and I'm sorry, but yanno, your wise not to get involved...makes life a lot more precious...yanno
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Old 12-06-2007, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Jonquil City (aka Smyrna) Georgia- by Atlanta
16,248 posts, read 20,310,262 times
Reputation: 3587
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
It is a shame....and I'm sorry, but yanno, your wise not to get involved...makes life a lot more precious...yanno
You have to understand a few things. My family life was hell when I was young. Left home when I was 14 and never looked back. Was placed by the state in group homes until I was 18. I do not have any use for my so-called siblings. My idea of the holidays is not seeing some drunk ass laying around a trailer saying "hey man let's get f**kin high". Like I said, I had to put up with it when I was young. I do not now. Some people are just useless rednecks who never desire to be anything but.
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Old 12-10-2007, 07:58 AM
 
Location: in a house
5,835 posts, read 3,815,161 times
Reputation: 4890
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenMachine View Post
What to do. I hate this time of year. I can't bare to be around my family on the holidays for reasons I won't go into. When I was younger, I felt like I had to do it. And then one xmas my mother showed up hungover and I ended up feeling so miserable and depressed all day. I vowed I would never put myself through it again. So here we are again, this horrible time of year, and already I'm getting the pressure. "What's wrong with you? What did we ever do to you that was so horrible?" My father talks to his friends and then they feel sorry for him and so I get it from them as well, "Why don't you want to be with your family?" I have nowhere else to go, so I usually go somewhere to be alone.

Does anyone else have a toxic family? I think one of the reasons people in families go crazy is because of all the lies and denial that goes on. Some minds can't handle it. Is anybody else struggling? Send me a PM if you can't post here.
Move out of state.
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Old 08-27-2008, 12:13 PM
 
1 posts, read 3,641 times
Reputation: 10
Default Xmas Family Gatherings

My in laws are not bad people. It's just that they all (for the most part) live in the same town, and we see all of them very frequently. Birthdays, BBQs, pasta every other Thursday...so I told my husband that this year I wanted to spend Thanksgiving & Xmas at home by ourselves. He said we couldn't do that b/c his mom would get offended. Then he went into this whole story about how his family has embraced my children, etc, etc. And they have but I don't think that's an adequate reason to keep going to these Xmas gatherings. I don't think it's rude since we always do everything else with them. His mom calls daily. His brother who is 38 still lives with her. And his other brother is a nightmare pothead, drunk! I hate being near him.

Am I being rude if I tell his mom that we'll offer to come to any gathering on Xmas Eve or the day after Xmas but this year we want to keep Xmas Day to ourselves? The biggest hurdle is getting my husband to agree to this.

Thanks

TM
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Old 08-27-2008, 12:14 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 46,876,243 times
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My dad's side of the family completely ignores us...those rude beeps.
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Old 08-27-2008, 12:33 PM
 
788 posts, read 1,872,323 times
Reputation: 589
Default no - but have fun trying to deal with the guilt

Quote:
Originally Posted by tmccleery View Post
My in laws are not bad people. It's just that they all (for the most part) live in the same town, and we see all of them very frequently. Birthdays, BBQs, pasta every other Thursday...so I told my husband that this year I wanted to spend Thanksgiving & Xmas at home by ourselves. He said we couldn't do that b/c his mom would get offended. Then he went into this whole story about how his family has embraced my children, etc, etc. And they have but I don't think that's an adequate reason to keep going to these Xmas gatherings. I don't think it's rude since we always do everything else with them. His mom calls daily. His brother who is 38 still lives with her. And his other brother is a nightmare pothead, drunk! I hate being near him.

Am I being rude if I tell his mom that we'll offer to come to any gathering on Xmas Eve or the day after Xmas but this year we want to keep Xmas Day to ourselves? The biggest hurdle is getting my husband to agree to this.

Thanks

TM
I did this - I had two children when my hubby and I married and he had one and now we have one. We are one big happy clan now and it's all good. But part of that happened because we made it a point to be a family in our own home first. I started by saying that I was going to cook Tgiving from now on - anyone who wanted to come was invited - but that was it. Then Christmas eve. My parents see our kids Christmas eve and then we have a late dinner/movie fest and then the kids go to bed. Christmas Day I give his mom and Easter we go over too. But I have made it a point to start my own traditions with my kids - it's made a large difference in my marriage and my relationship with my kids. I also explained to my hubby that if I knew I was going to have some special time all to ourselves it would make it easier to be gracious the other times and just smile.....
Sometimes you have to put your foot down. When you shut the door at night and turn off the porch light - the ones inside with you have to come first.
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Old 09-16-2008, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,530 posts, read 8,478,906 times
Reputation: 835
You know, I just had a lightbulb moment. I used to love Christmas and Thanksgiving, now I dread it. I'm already dreading the holidays and it's not even Oct. yet!!!!!!

My mom is a wonderful person, but very very pushy. My two brothers and I get along famously. But when it's all of us, our mom drives us all nutso. She insists on using my home as a hotel and it gets really tiring and stressful on my marriage. There's absolutely no way for me to suggest a hotel without hurting her, so I've resolved to keep her visits to my home minimal (say 2 times a year). That's much better. She used to come every other month. My DH and I would fight every time.

The rest of my family (uncles, aunts, cousins, gma) are god awful. I refuse to be a part of that chaos. They are judgmental and witchy and just horrible to be around.

My DH's family is probably the worst of all. So every year I dream of getting away. But every year the flights are super high, and so are the hotels. So we are stuck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I used to hate the holidays until I realized it was the family and not the holidays.
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Old 09-16-2008, 11:03 AM
 
Location: Denver, CO
3,530 posts, read 8,478,906 times
Reputation: 835
I think this is a very big deal for married's and married's w/kids. We don't have the kid issue thank god, but we are still married and have to coexist with the two annoying families. Last year we dedicated one holiday to each family so that they couldn't ***** about it. We did have one holiday alone but the guilt factor was so high it wasn't enjoyable. I have no idea what to do this year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by I love the Bears View Post
I did this - I had two children when my hubby and I married and he had one and now we have one. We are one big happy clan now and it's all good. But part of that happened because we made it a point to be a family in our own home first. I started by saying that I was going to cook Tgiving from now on - anyone who wanted to come was invited - but that was it. Then Christmas eve. My parents see our kids Christmas eve and then we have a late dinner/movie fest and then the kids go to bed. Christmas Day I give his mom and Easter we go over too. But I have made it a point to start my own traditions with my kids - it's made a large difference in my marriage and my relationship with my kids. I also explained to my hubby that if I knew I was going to have some special time all to ourselves it would make it easier to be gracious the other times and just smile.....
Sometimes you have to put your foot down. When you shut the door at night and turn off the porch light - the ones inside with you have to come first.
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Old 09-16-2008, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
7,731 posts, read 11,848,968 times
Reputation: 5937
Quote:
How to avoid family for the holidays
Move to another continent.
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