Needing reassurance that people like me

[DaniellaG]

Do you think you have self esteem issues? Sometimes I think people focus on what others think of them when they feel unsure of themselves. So possibly working on your self esteem and ways to feel good about who you are will help you care less about what others think or if they like you

[elyn02]

There is some pretty amazing advice here. Many of these behaviors I practice but I could never explain it the way it was done in some of these posts.

Originally Posted by mtlquebec102

Alot of times, I feel like I can't really talk to someone unless they reassure me with a friendly gesture like a glance, smile, high-five, fist-bump, etc. I feel like people don't really like me unless they make a gesture of that kind and it's like they're telling me "Hey, we're cool. I like you, remember? We're friends!"...something like that.

This somehow extends to online interactions like on Facebook. I feel like some people just accepted my friend request just to be nice and/or out of pity and I try not to get involved in their discussions there, but sometimes I force myself and find that the comments they give me aren't as enthusiastic as the ones they give others. But I guess it's harder to tell online.

What do you guys think I should do about this? Should I do some kind of test on these people or would that make me untrustworthy?

OP, you are needy and one way to stop this is to assess how often you are being needy.
Needy behaviors:
I won't talk to somebody, unless I get a smile, high-five, fist-bump.
I am going to post a message on facebook so I get a response back.
I am going to analyze the messages people leave me so I can get an idea of where I stand.
I am going to test people on facebook so I can get an idea of how they feel about me.

Everything I am doing is to get something in return even if what I want is reassurance.

One way I would stop this behavior is to ask myself if I am expecting something in return. If I am expecting something in return, just be frank about it.

"Hey, if you smile at me, I will then talk to you."
"Hey, there. I am posting a message on Facebook. Be sure to respond back with enthusiasm."
"I am going to test you by leaving this message so I can find out if you like me."

You wouldn't really say that to somebody would you? Then just don't do it because people, who know better, see right through it.

Instead do something, like leaving a compliment, because you wanted to. If the reaction you get is not what you expected, do it less for that person or do something different OR just see it as you giving away a gift. Once you give out the gift, you have no control over it or the reactions it brings.

There, the word giving finally showed up in this post.

[30to66at55]

OP....first....get off of Facebook and get out into the real world.

[carterstamp]

Originally Posted by mtlquebec102

Alot of times, I feel like I can't really talk to someone unless they reassure me with a friendly gesture like a glance, smile, high-five, fist-bump, etc. I feel like people don't really like me unless they make a gesture of that kind and it's like they're telling me "Hey, we're cool. I like you, remember? We're friends!"...something like that.

This somehow extends to online interactions like on Facebook. I feel like some people just accepted my friend request just to be nice and/or out of pity and I try not to get involved in their discussions there, but sometimes I force myself and find that the comments they give me aren't as enthusiastic as the ones they give others. But I guess it's harder to tell online.

What do you guys think I should do about this? Should I do some kind of test on these people or would that make me untrustworthy?

You need to like yourself first.

[FW transplant]

Next time you wonder if someone likes you, recognize it as your insecurity and learn to just stop with the negative thoughts. You're hurting yourself emotionally.

Also, please realize that we all have bad days, and when someone doesn't smile at you or bump your fist, they may be having a bad day.