Is it impolite to not visit with my wife's coworkers at company events? (introverted, relatives)
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Oh the horror, a company paying for treats like holiday parties and river cruises for their employees.
Did you miss this part?
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Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now
Employees "are expected" to attend...
This guy gets it.
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Originally Posted by TracySam
I can relate to the person who said they're glad they don't work for such a company. Even if the company pays for it, I don't find "mandatory fun" to be fun at all.
Events like that can be excruciating.
But I'm also the kind of person who would rather stick a fork in my eye than attend a wedding reception.
My wife is still working and is part of a very social company. Employees "are expected" to attend after hour social events such as a company picnic, Holiday Party and a river cruise. It is also expected that the employee bring their spouse or significant other. My wife is very social and enjoys these events and is happy to visit with coworkers in a more relaxed setting.
Anyway, I noticed that quite a few of the spouses just sat there and did not say a word to anyone other than their spouse during the whole thing. They might have said hello, but that is it.
I am not so good with small talk and I did not know anyone at these events other than my wife so I followed the lead of the other spouses and just sat there and put in my time. At the end of the event my wife is always angry at me and said I need to be polite and engage the people at our table with small talk and smile and be conversational. She said my silence makes her look bad. I told her that some of the other spouses were quit too, but she said two wrongs don't make a right.
Just how much conversation is appropriate at these events and is my wife right or expecting too much?
As per all of your threads...I think your views are a bit "off".
But since you asked...no, your wife is NOT expecting too much.
I'd say it's wrong to go to an adult party and behave like a bratty, sulky teenager and ruin everyone else's good time with a pissy attitude.
The OP is in his 60s for crying out loud and, even though there's no excuse for such poor social behavior at any age, he must be a total social misfit of a slob to have gone through a long working career and not learned better. Precisely why I think this is just another one of those threads he creates to stir things up. He'll hopefully be less bored if he gets another job or finds more productive ways to use up all that spare time.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011
Oh the horror, a company paying for treats like holiday parties and river cruises for their employees.
I think she is referring to being forced to attend one of those gatherings. I'm with her. Made the mistake of going to an afterhours happy hour last Friday voluntarily. Thankfully I was able to hightail it out of there before the managers came in and made the evening super awkward.
The OP is not acting like a social misfit. He is perhaps, like many S/O's, tired of having to go to another mandated work event.
I tired of them years ago and will no longer attend with my s/o. The boring "shop" talk, the mindless small talk with other spouses who dont want to be there either, and the usual parade of suck-ups hanging onto management coupled with watching a fair share of losers getting drunk was enough to say FINIS for me.
I didn't get the sense that the OP was "behaving like a bratty sulky teenager" at all. The bratty teenager example came from me, about myself. As a teen, I may have rolled my eyes, but I did what my mom wanted. She should have cared about the fact that I obeyed and the dishes got washed, not that I was grumbling the whole time. As an adult, I do things all the time that I hate, but I'm better at making my grumbling more subtle.
It sounds like he just went to the party and sat quietly. Doesn't sound like he was impolite or made it obvious he didn't like being there. I'm sure no one else noticed he was in agony but the wife. But it was her fault for forcing him to go.
I'd be gritting my teeth, acting like I'm pleased to be there, but my partner would certainly hear complaints from me in private for making me go to such a thing. To make it fair, he'd have to do something with me that he dislikes. Not everyone loves parties, especially "mandatory fun" parties.
If workplaces are going to have mandatory fun events, they should at least just make it for the employees and not expect partners to go unless that really really want to.
You posted this, right about some former CEO of yours?
IRONY!
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He was the most unfriendly unpleasant person I ever met. He did not yell and scream at people but instead he was incredibly cold. And that stare. If he was not pleased with someone his stare burned a hole in you. So many people tried to engage him in non work related conversation and were shot down big time. He gave no one any positive feedback at all and made you feel like you were 1 foot tall.
His direct reports were white as a sheet after they displeased him and he made ex marines shake in fear.
As per all of your threads...I think your views are a bit "off".
But since you asked...no, your wife is NOT expecting too much.
This! In a nutshell, and to answer the original question, yes it is impolite not to mingle and no your wife isn't expecting too much. How difficult is it to say hello, and carry on a superficial conversation?
I think I used to like my DH's work functions more than he did, to be honest. But, attendance was expected and I would never do anything to rock his work boat.
I'd be gritting my teeth, acting like I'm pleased to be there, but my partner would certainly hear complaints from me in private for making me go to such a thing. To make it fair, he'd have to do something with me that he dislikes.
How petulant and immature. Really. Such First-World problems to whine about.
Nope, not immature at all. In my maturity I've learned that I don't need to do lots of things I loathe just to keep somebody happy. There's nothing immature about my saying to my partner, "okay I'll go to your event which we both know will be incredible, painfully boring, but in return, you need to come with me to the that big vintage book store that's like 30 miles away, or to the antique fair I've been thinking about going to.
And no, no whining need be involved. I'd just calmly say I'd rather not go.
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