Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
If everything you describe is accurate (and I have no reason to doubt you) cease having contact with him. He is manipulative and obviously has no concern for your personal growth and well being, it is all a guise to have you on his terms. And that has nothing to do with your continued growth and maturation. Walk away in diplomatic and straightforward succinct terms (should he ask): "I will not put up with your behavior anymore, you are manipulative and abusing the friendship I thought we had." PERIOD.
(From a man that age)
Last edited by ciceropolo; 10-30-2013 at 10:38 PM..
He is manipulative, bordering on predatory. End it now. Not two weeks from now. You owe him no explanations. You have given him too much of yourself already.
And please be careful. I get a bad feeling about all of this...
I think everyone pretty well summed it up, he is angry because you have no interest in him romantically and is taking that out on you. Plus, he feels, because of his age, he is superior to you and needs to tell you how to live your life. It makes him feel better, but at the expense of hurting you.
This is NOT what a FRIEND does. This is a toxic relationship. You will find out as you get older that not everyone who comes into our lives is good for us, and this guy is the perfect example of that.
You got away once, time to do it again, but permanently this time. With the issues you had in your past the last thing you need is someone there holding up a mirror for you to see all the things you should be forgetting about. We all have things in our past that we would like to forget about, so you are not unique in that respect.
Walk away and never look back. He will try to find ways to weasel his way into your life again, but don't ever let him do it. Have your guard up at all times when it comes to him. Don't let ANYTHING "slide." Don't talk to his friends either. You DO have other people to talk to. He's an ---hole for making you feel this way. Don't believe anyone who says it's your fault.
This is how he handles rejection, by hurting you. If you have told him, more than once, how it affects you and he continues, it's time to put an end to it yourself. It's abuse, plain and simple. Kick him to the curb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trish26
I could use some help from someone older. I need to know if I'm being too sensitive or if I need to end this friendship.
When I was 19, I met this older guy. We are only friends. We've never had sex, never kissed, he's never bought me anything or any of that, because I'm not interested in a romantic relationship with an older man. However, he has been trying to get me to date him, marry him, etc. I didn't grow up with my dad, so I guess that's the connection on my part.
I stated the above simply to let you know the full details of our relationship.
The issue is that over the years I've told him more about me than I've told anyone else. He knows my strengths, weaknesses, fears, mistakes, etc. I NEVER bring up anything painful or personal that he has shared with me. On the other hand, every time we talk, he throws my most painful experiences, mistakes and things that I am currently struggling with up in my face. Some of these experiences are so personal/painful that I've suffered with depression/suicidal thoughts over.
I've told him over and over how this effects me and hurts me when he does it, but he makes excuses for doing these things. He pretends it's to help me; however, he does it in a harsh way as to remind me of all that I've been through, poke fun of my pain and I notice he treats his other friends in his age range much differently - in a good way.
I stopped talking to him once for over a year, but started back being friends again. I'm at a point now where I'm thinking I need to end this, but the thing making me hold on is because he's the only person I have opened up to. I think part of the reason he does this is because he knows that he's the only one I have told personal things to, so he knows that makes it hard for me to let go of our friendship. Anytime I say I don't want to be friends anymore, he'll sarcastically ask me, "So who else you gon' talk to?" Then he'll laugh, throw up more stuff, etc.
If everything you describe is accurate (and I have no reason to doubt you) cease having contact with him. He is manipulative and obviously has no concern for your personal growth and well being, it is all a guise to have you on his terms. And that has nothing to do with your continued growth and maturation. Walk away in diplomatic and straightforward succinct terms (should he ask): "I will not put up with your behavior anymore, you are manipulative and abusing the friendship I thought we had." PERIOD.
(From a man that age)
I wouldn't even give him notice. I'd cease all contact, no explanations. She doesn't owe him even that much.
I think everyone pretty well summed it up, he is angry because you have no interest in him romantically and is taking that out on you. Plus, he feels, because of his age, he is superior to you and needs to tell you how to live your life. It makes him feel better, but at the expense of hurting you.
This is NOT what a FRIEND does. This is a toxic relationship. You will find out as you get older that not everyone who comes into our lives is good for us, and this guy is the perfect example of that.
You got away once, time to do it again, but permanently this time. With the issues you had in your past the last thing you need is someone there holding up a mirror for you to see all the things you should be forgetting about. We all have things in our past that we would like to forget about, so you are not unique in that respect.
I think that you know what the answer is, and I think you need to trust yourself to let go of this toxic relationship. I'm sorry, I know there are many May/December relationships that have turned out well, but in this case, I'd say that it's not a healthy relationship for either of you -- and I have to wonder at a man with such a Lolita obsession that, at 39, he had to glom on to a 19 year old just starting to make her way in the world. He wants to marry you, date you, etc . . . well, gee, he sure has a funny way of going about it.
Him telling you that you are "too sensitive" is a classic manipulative technique. Telling a young woman that she is "too sensitive" is condescending and dismissive, and makes her question the validity of her own feelings. In this case, I'd say your feelings are spot-on. He doesn't sound like he's able to be a friend to you -- he wants to get into your pants too badly.
Time to let go and be your own woman. He's going to get ugly about it, so be prepared for that. Do not let him talk down to you, and don't internalize the hurtful things he's going to say. Be prepared to walk away, block his phone calls, emails, texts, Facebook, etc. In this case, you can honestly say, "It's not me -- it's you." :-)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
