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Old 11-04-2013, 07:51 AM
 
1,420 posts, read 3,168,742 times
Reputation: 2256

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Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
What I've found is that men are just like women in almost every conceivable way.
I disagree. There are many differences backed up by science:

  • Men have better spatial awareness
  • Men are better able to judge the size of a person base only on that person's voice
  • Women are better at looking for specific items
  • Women are better at worrying
  • Women detect colors better than men do
  • Men handle lack of sleep better than women do
  • Men are better at detecting infidelity
  • Women live longer
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Old 11-04-2013, 10:10 AM
 
219 posts, read 482,113 times
Reputation: 426
I think some men are like women. Much more so now than in past decades. And it's sad.

I personally believe that the true "man's man" is a dying breed. It's rare now to find a man who is not only the primary (not sole) provider for his family, but also one who takes his role as the true head of the household seriously. That doesn't mean being nasty and aggressive and all that other stuff people will say it means. You can be a man's man without being an a-hole.

It means doing things around the house - housekeeping, laundry, dishes, etc. Not doing them ALL the time but doing his share. Showing his mate and his children that a responsible couple both contribute to building a good family life. And it means doing some particular MAN THINGS around the house and not needing someone to tell you that you need to do them. Defending the property and your family. Keeping up the property. Teaching your sons to be men and teaching your daughters about self-worth and pride and the kind of man (or woman, why not...) she should want to be with. Teaching all of them about the value of hard work and taking pride in it, and why it's important to learn from mistakes and not give up.

This is all so rare now.

I've found myself surrounded by men-children for the past several years and it seems to only be getting worse. I can only speak from my own experience, but I don't want an overgrown child who can't be bothered to pick up his own dirty socks, let alone wash them. One who suits up in goofy football attire to shout at the TV for 12+ hours every weekend. Who when a noise is heard in the night turns to his wife and says sleepily, "could you go see what that was?" Who sits and twiddles with his iPhone 24/7 while his wife cleans the house and cooks and cares for the children and takes care of the yard and remembers his family's birthdays and all that.

I will add that the wife works full-time, of course, paying for the family's benefits and saving for retirement while the husband fritters away his paycheck on HDTVs and such.

I used to think this was all there was until I found the proverbial needle in a haystack. I wish I could clone him. The world would be a better place.

That's my long answer to a short question.
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Old 11-04-2013, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Metro Birmingham, AL
1,672 posts, read 2,860,799 times
Reputation: 1246
Quote:
Originally Posted by mselainey View Post
I think some men are like women. Much more so now than in past decades. And it's sad.

I personally believe that the true "man's man" is a dying breed. It's rare now to find a man who is not only the primary (not sole) provider for his family, but also one who takes his role as the true head of the household seriously. That doesn't mean being nasty and aggressive and all that other stuff people will say it means. You can be a man's man without being an a-hole.

It means doing things around the house - housekeeping, laundry, dishes, etc. Not doing them ALL the time but doing his share. Showing his mate and his children that a responsible couple both contribute to building a good family life. And it means doing some particular MAN THINGS around the house and not needing someone to tell you that you need to do them. Defending the property and your family. Keeping up the property. Teaching your sons to be men and teaching your daughters about self-worth and pride and the kind of man (or woman, why not...) she should want to be with. Teaching all of them about the value of hard work and taking pride in it, and why it's important to learn from mistakes and not give up.

This is all so rare now.

I've found myself surrounded by men-children for the past several years and it seems to only be getting worse. I can only speak from my own experience, but I don't want an overgrown child who can't be bothered to pick up his own dirty socks, let alone wash them. One who suits up in goofy football attire to shout at the TV for 12+ hours every weekend. Who when a noise is heard in the night turns to his wife and says sleepily, "could you go see what that was?" Who sits and twiddles with his iPhone 24/7 while his wife cleans the house and cooks and cares for the children and takes care of the yard and remembers his family's birthdays and all that.

I will add that the wife works full-time, of course, paying for the family's benefits and saving for retirement while the husband fritters away his paycheck on HDTVs and such.

I used to think this was all there was until I found the proverbial needle in a haystack. I wish I could clone him. The world would be a better place.

That's my long answer to a short question.
Wow ive been trying to relay a message like this for years now.

I was raised mostly by a "mans man" and even though I didnt understand what or why he did the things he did around the house and whatnot in my early 20's, im starting to understand now in my early 30's. Even as a gay man I feel more "manly" than most straight men now days. I just dont understand what happen to men being men. Its like we have feminized what being a man means now days with idle gossip, backstabbing, demeaning others, not being in kids lives, taking care of home, etc.

Of course I dont expect every guy to be some Grizzly Adams type, and im still learning how to conduct myself as a adult male. But when I look around the guys I could look up to for examples are almost all dead or few and far between. The rest are still trying to act my age or younger, or engaged in alot of time wasting BS.
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Old 11-04-2013, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,678 posts, read 41,516,486 times
Reputation: 41302
Absolutely not. By and large men are nowhere near as willing to show emotions as women.
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Old 11-04-2013, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,186 posts, read 4,545,961 times
Reputation: 6398
Heavens no!!! If we were alike, then why would we need each other so much? I didn't need or want another girlfriend - I wanted a man who could balance my own personality and give my life another perspective that a woman just can't find on her own - and I'm not talking about sex here either. Although, that's part of the package - it is certainly not the entire package or even the biggest part of it. It's an emotional and intellectual void that needed to be fed, for me anyway. I think we are inherently made differently for a reason - so that we seek one another out and that together we become whole.
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Old 11-04-2013, 12:38 PM
 
219 posts, read 482,113 times
Reputation: 426
Quote:
Originally Posted by sleepless in Bham View Post
Wow ive been trying to relay a message like this for years now.

I was raised mostly by a "mans man" and even though I didnt understand what or why he did the things he did around the house and whatnot in my early 20's, im starting to understand now in my early 30's. Even as a gay man I feel more "manly" than most straight men now days. I just dont understand what happen to men being men. Its like we have feminized what being a man means now days with idle gossip, backstabbing, demeaning others, not being in kids lives, taking care of home, etc.

Of course I dont expect every guy to be some Grizzly Adams type, and im still learning how to conduct myself as a adult male. But when I look around the guys I could look up to for examples are almost all dead or few and far between. The rest are still trying to act my age or younger, or engaged in alot of time wasting BS.
YES! Yes, this is it exactly. The feminization of the American male.

"But that's not me!" they will say. "I watch football and drink beer, and I have a ride-on mower!"

The man I've found to share my life with had an extremely difficult upbringing. There was a lot of abuse in the home. But luckily his father turned it around in time to produce three of the most intelligent, capable, hardworking, committed, incredible people I have ever met. I can't wait for the day I meet his father so I can look him in the eye and thank him for raising his son to be a real man.

You keep doing as you're doing and see if you can find ways to encourage the development of these traits in the younger people you come into contact with. They can only learn by example.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,627 posts, read 34,087,515 times
Reputation: 76621
Quote:
Originally Posted by allenk893 View Post
I have finally came to the conclusion that men are exactly like women with the exception being biological. You females probably already figured as much but it really surprises me still. This bravado that most American guys put on is nothing but BS. I'm going to tell you why I am just now observing this. Between elementary and high school, I didn't hang out that much with people at all. Classic introvert. So now that I'm grown and working, I've been hanging out with both sexes for extended periods of time and forming friendships. What I've found is that men are just like women in almost every conceivable way. Men gossip just like women, men are bitchy just like women, men cry like women (usually not going to show it in public), men watch chick flicks just like women, men are romantics just like women, men groom just like women (metro men anyway), men want the same things women want - love, a committed partner, and relationship - but will sleep with trash anyway, men fight over the stupidest things just like women, men get offended over the same things as women, men have the same insecurities women have like being ugly, fat, unsexy, etc. and the list goes on. I guess it just intrigues me because I wasn't raised to have the macho attitude and alot of guys in this country put that attitude on trying to act like they are so tough when they're the same as women behind closed doors. I've befriended guys that were the real alpha types and roided up to kingdom come and have this real macho attitude but had the most insecurities when talking with just us guys! Thinking they were ugly and all types of stuff. Lol. Has anyone experienced the same thing or think the same?
I don't think that men and women are exactly the same, but I do think that many of the gender roles that people hold up as being masculine or feminine are socially based, not inherent. Heck, half of what people say is masculine or feminine is based on what chores they do, as if cleaning toilets is ingrained into women and fixing cars is instinctual to men. Hire a maid and a mechanic, and those things are moot.

Modern men and women have a lot more freedom to be who they are without having to fit themselves in to cultural gender roles that they may not want to fit into, and that's a good thing. As long as everyone is taking care of their needs and living with integrity, what's the problem?
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Wilsonville, OR
1,261 posts, read 2,138,176 times
Reputation: 2360
Literally the same? No, I don't think anyone thinks that. I do believe there is a substantial psychological overlap between men and women, and that the overlap is much more important than whatever average differences much appear when profiling large numbers of people. We're human first, after all.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Hills of TN
256 posts, read 478,107 times
Reputation: 518
Not to stereotype, but not all women gossip and not all men have the need to be macho.
I do not think that men and women are alike, thus, difficulty understanding and getting along with each other (and thank God that we are not alike ).

allenk893, you mentioned "befriending" people, but have you ever lived with someone of the opposite gender? That's where an eye-opening experience is really going to happen
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Old 11-04-2013, 02:33 PM
 
8,275 posts, read 7,888,005 times
Reputation: 12122
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
yes, some girly-men are just like woman
No kidding. I was wondering if this guy is actually hanging out with straight males. Of course, sleepless in Bham stated he is gay and even he has noticed the feminization of American males.
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