Why do most humans become grumpier as they age (talks, member, relatives)

[Osito]

I think the toll of medical, health, financial, familial, etc. problems can take its toll as time goes by.

[slingshot]

My wife and I own a small corner lot in a decent neighborhood. This is our little world. All we ask is to be left alone. We haven't much but what we have we have worked hard for. We have good neighbors and sit on the porch with them on a daily basis enjoying the afternoons with a glass of sweet tea. We, most of the time, are in a good mood. Just don't let your dog crap in our yard. Have a nice day.

[luvmyhoss]

I don't think I'm grumpier, however others may perceive me as such.
Because at my age, I seem to have lost the curb on my tongue that
was so vital to my behavior.

[RomaniGypsy]

Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks

First off, I am not trying to stuff everybody into the same boat. I know there are a good number of people who are not grumpy at older ages.

However, the general trend I have observed is that as people age, they tend to become grumpy and very intolerant (especially women). Could anybody tell me why this happens. Is is an individual trait or something more universal.

To make myself clear, I have not intended to offend the elderly with this post. I just want to know why this trend occurs as people age. So please don't incinerate me with comments which assume I have a lack of emotion and compassion for human beings.

I'm in my mid-thirties and I know that I have become more grumpy with time.

Here it is, in short: People tend to be idealistic when they're young... and they also tend to be optimistic. Almost invariably, they will lose that optimism, little by little, as it gets chiseled away by the harshness of the world. People generally start out valuing themselves much more highly than the rest of the world values them, and when their expectations don't get met by reality, they become bitter / angry / depressed / whatever. Whichever way you look at it, that can cause grumpiness.

As people age, they watch the world get worse and worse. I have heard it said: "if you're young and you aren't liberal, you have no heart; if you're old and you're not conservative, you have no brain". I know that I was a bit more liberal as a young person than I am now. As people age, they come to realize that their liberal values don't jive with the way the world works. For example: I read an article recently about how a lot of people who had been voting Democratic are really mad about "Obamacare" because they realize that they will have to pay for all of this social welfare that they voted upon America by re-electing B.O. to be our Dear Leader. They hold all of these liberal values until they realize what negative impact the implementation of those values will have upon them... and then suddenly they start to think... it is at that point that they become more conservative. I have a friend who is 20 years old... he voted for B.O. in the last election... and has since decided that he is no longer voting for any liberal candidates because their platforms are functionally illogical. They look good on paper but they always crumble under pressure.

So then you have people who become more and more conservative as they age, watching the country (and perhaps the world) become more and more liberal because the young idealistic folk outnumber them. There are people who grew up as hippies who are now more like Ted Nugent in their political views.

They grew up, and got a brain.

And when you have a brain, you see things as they are, not as you wish they would be. Young idealistic people see what they wish... older realistic people see what is. I should know. I've been in both categories. I'm doing what I can to improve my situation... so my optimism isn't completely dead... but what about someone who is in his 70s? Such a person doesn't have much life left, doesn't have much energy left to affect any kind of positive change in his life, and pretty much knows he's approaching the end of the line. It ain't easy to be all that happy when your body is failing, your best years are behind you, the country and world are failing before your eyes and there's essentially nothing you can do to reverse that process, and worst of all, you know it's only going to get worse and worse. Your body will fail you more as you continue to age... maybe you can get around with a walker now but in a few years you might need a helper just to get you into your wheelchair. People you know and love will die all around you, if you don't die first. Politicians will continue to enact laws that run counter to the beliefs you hold dear, as well as laws that are likely to impact you negatively, and you can't do anything about it because it's not like your vote truly counts anyway.

Trust me, I see this constantly. I'm a professional entertainer for nursing homes. Why do you figure I'd do that, at my relatively young age? Because elderly people, especially those in a nursing home, need the pick-me-up which comes from a fun concert more than any other group of people out there. They need the positivity. And I've learned quite a bit from these old people as I've been around them. Seven years I've played for the elderly on a regular basis... never once have I met even one elderly person who struck me as liberal to any degree. They all despise what's going on in the country... every last one of them... or, at least, every last one of them who has ever said anything about it to me or within earshot of me. The only consolation they find is that they will likely be dead and gone before America totally falls apart. However, if I had a nickel for every one of 'em who has said his/her own version of "I wouldn't want to have a child today if I were your age", I'd have a lot of nickels.

So there it is. People get grumpy as they age because the optimism that once fueled their smile has been beaten down by reality... a reality which seems to be directed by people who care only about their own self-aggrandizement and not a lick about everyone else. Yes, God has ordained civil government, but God appears to have let America go. He let other countries go before, when those countries seemed insistent upon turning their backs on Him... so He can do it again. People get grumpy as they age because they know what's wrong and they know how to fix it... and they really do want to fix it... but nobody with the actual ability to fix anything truly listens to them. (We've all seen the angry letters written from elderly veterans to our Community Organizer In Chief, online. Not one such letter seems to have swayed B.O. to any functional extent.) The old and wise are outnumbered and outgunned by the young and stupid... and they have to suffer at the hands of the young and stupid even though they don't agree with what the young and stupid have rammed down their throats.

In short, life doesn't get better as you age, for a vast majority of people... it actually gets worse. This is not true for everyone, but it is true for most people. That's why they get grumpy. The only way out of that cycle is to do whatever is possible, to improve your future prospects. For some, that may be limited to "getting right with God"... but there are a surprising number of options out there... at least in my mind, which may very well have some more growing-up to do so as to rid itself of all remaining irrational idealism.

[Lilac110]

Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks

First off, I am not trying to stuff everybody into the same boat. I know there are a good number of people who are not grumpy at older ages.

However, the general trend I have observed is that as people age, they tend to become grumpy and very intolerant (especially women). Could anybody tell me why this happens. Is is an individual trait or something more universal.

To make myself clear, I have not intended to offend the elderly with this post. I just want to know why this trend occurs as people age. So please don't incinerate me with comments which assume I have a lack of emotion and compassion for human beings.

First you need to consider that women are still expected and desired only to be pretty and not have strong opinions and make sure that you are not confusing gaining the confidence to speak our minds as we age with getting grumpy, before you include such an offensive, gender-bashing parenthetical.

[The Dissenter]

They realized the world just sucks and have lived in the suckitude longer.

[elhelmete]

I'm also in the '45 is elderly' category and can only speak for myself. I wouldn't say my entire persona is grumpiness but I can exhibit grumpy behavior probably more often than others. Here's why I think that's true for me:

I think I labor under the false assumption that the people I spent my 20s and 30s with were on the same trajectory as I was on...basically trying things out, figuring out life personally and professionally, growing up and dealing with responsibility, etc. etc.

Don't get me wrong, I was by no means a hard-charging goal-oriented or organized or focused person in my youth but I certainly had the desire to grow up, and that growing up was a desirable outcome.

I couldn't have articulated it at all at the time, but a big part of what I would have considered growing up was making good decisions, increasing empathy, taking on healthy responsibilities, etc.

So then...fast forward to today...I get grumpy when I realize that some of my cohorts have just gotten older in age but haven't grown up. I have little patience for 40+ year olds making the same bad decisions and exhibiting the same silly behavior that they did when they (we) were 1/2 the age. Lack of patience = grumpy for me.

Again, i don't hold myself up to be some beacon of perfection, not by a longshot, but one can be imperfect and yet still be relatively drama-free.

[Adi from the Brunswicks]

Originally Posted by Lilac110

First you need to consider that women are still expected and desired only to be pretty and not have strong opinions and make sure that you are not confusing gaining the confidence to speak our minds as we age with getting grumpy, before you include such an offensive, gender-bashing parenthetical.

. I never bashed older women. I am just telling what I observe. I know that both men and women can be grumpy as they age. However, till now I have observed more intolerance with grumpiness among women than men. I am only 21 years old and have a lot to observe later on, and know that I may be proven wrong. Stating the honest truth from your observations is not equivalent to gender biased bashing.

Additionally, its better to get your thoughts, strong opinions, and ideas through by being firm, not intolerant. Intolerance only causes repulsion and wastes energy, while a firm talk touches the heart and sparks change. I know and have experienced the clear differences between both cases and did not confuse them.

[armory]

Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks

First off, I am not trying to stuff everybody into the same boat. I know there are a good number of people who are not grumpy at older ages.

However, the general trend I have observed is that as people age, they tend to become grumpy and very intolerant (especially women). Could anybody tell me why this happens. Is is an individual trait or something more universal.

To make myself clear, I have not intended to offend the elderly with this post. I just want to know why this trend occurs as people age. So please don't incinerate me with comments which assume I have a lack of emotion and compassion for human beings.

I turned 56 yesterday...My answer? Because the older you get the less BS you want to put up with. I have had enough of it my entire life, especially the last 20 years and don't need more coming down he pike. I am retired and it looks like I have to go back to work because the government has screwed up the economy - via laws, bills and regulations - to the point my money is stagnant. What happened to interest rates on investments? I feel grumpy now.

[STT Resident]

Originally Posted by Adi from the Brunswicks

... However, till now I have observed more intolerance with grumpiness among women than men... I am only 21 years old and have a lot to observe later on, and know that I may be proven wrong...

All we "elder people" can only hope is that we've given you some fodder over which you can chew some cud. As I said earlier, we've all been where you are but you haven't yet been even close to where we are.

Your observations are of course valid from your point of view at such a tender age but hopefully, via this thread and the comments made, you'll feel inclined less to clump us together and dismiss us as a doddering out of touch group but more to actually talking to us and hearing what we have to say.

Showing respect for family elders is the norm in many cultures. Taking time to sit down and chat with those "elders" and asking questions to which you genuinely want responses can be priceless. I did it with not much aforethought because I was genuinely interested and, honestly, I wish I'd done more of it when I was your age. I just might have been saved from making so many mistakes had I had the resources. But I didn't. And as much as the internet is so abused, that wasn't around for me then.

Hope you learn something from this!