Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My sister is 5 years older than I am (35 and 40 now). Her life has, in general, been a bit of a train wreck. She gets a lot of handholding by parents and other relatives because "she's had it so hard" and then somehow she points the finger at ME for "judging" her life. Am I judgmental? I guess it depends on how you define it. I just get annoyed at the same old, same old, same old life complaints for the past 20+ years from her. Like, just PROGRESS WITH YOUR LIFE ALREADY.
So imo, yes, a bit of a trainwreck. Aside from my 5 nieces and nephews by 5 guys and the 3 felonies and uhmm...yeah...she's also done some things to me (like using my name causing me to then have a warrant until I cleared it up), borrowing money that never got paid back, things like that... We just don't have much of a relationship anymore. Kids birthday's, family events (my parents don't live in town anymore so there are fewer), that's about it.
Well, she had asked me to do her a favor. Something very specific, by text. I said "yes" and then did said favor.
My parents called me the other day asking "why am I still 'at it' with her". She told them that I wouldn't do this favor for her knowing she was sick and a bunch of other lies. She phrased it as if she asked me to do 'A' and I told her no and but I would do 'B'.
I sent my parents a screen shot of the text convo showing that she was clearly lying. They were both flabbergasted which in itself is annoying because she has a long history of lying and making up tales that make her look good. But they were really surprised because it was a direct opposite of what she told them happened.
It's like we're 12 and 17 again and I am just so annoyed by her and want to confront her about the lying, but my parents asked me not to say anything.
I guess it's part vent and part what would you do?
Last edited by 2blessed2stress; 11-06-2013 at 02:44 PM..
Reason: spelling/clarity
My sister is 5 years older than I am (35 and 40 now). Her life has, in general, been a bit of a train wreck. It's like we're 12 and 17 again and I am just so annoyed by her and want to confront her about the lying, but my parents asked me not to say anything.
You see this exactly for what it is. Some patterns of behavior, no matter how old we get, will never change. As long as your relationship with your parents remains intact, let the relationship with your sister continue to wither. The next time she calls/texts, offer advice/commiseration, but do not offer help (financial or otherwise). If she specifically asks for help, tell her you wish her the best, but cannot do it.
Oh, I stopped speaking to her and at my mother's begging, started talking to her after awhile. And kept it really, really distant. As it still is. Oh gosh the stories I could tell.
I was really pissed because the favor was to drop something off that I had been storing for her in MY garage for over a year. That was already one thing I did and then I dropped it off on top of that.
My sister is 5 years older than I am (35 and 40 now). Her life has, in general, been a bit of a train wreck. She gets a lot of handholding by parents and other relatives because "she's had it so hard" and then somehow she points the finger at ME for "judging" her life. Am I judgmental? I guess it depends on how you define it. I just get annoyed at the same old, same old, same old life complaints for the past 20+ years from her. Like, just PROGRESS WITH YOUR LIFE ALREADY.
So imo, yes, a bit of a trainwreck. Aside from my 5 nieces and nephews by 5 guys and the 3 felonies and uhmm...yeah...she's also done some things to me (like using my name causing me to then have a warrant until I cleared it up), borrowing money that never got paid back, things like that... We just don't have much of a relationship anymore. Kids birthday's, family events (my parents don't live in town anymore so there are fewer), that's about it.
Yes, you are judgmental. Not saying you're wrong about your observations, but from the way you express it here, you're judgmental.
Quote:
Well, she had asked me to do her a favor. Something very specific, by text. I said "yes" and then did said favor.
My parents called me the other day asking "why am I still 'at it' with her". She told them that I wouldn't do this favor for her knowing she was sick and a bunch of other lies. She phrased it as if she asked me to do 'A' and I told her no and but I would do 'B'.
I sent my parents a screen shot of the text convo showing that she was clearly lying. They were both flabbergasted which in itself is annoying because she has a long history of lying and making up tales that make her look good. But they were really surprised because it was a direct opposite of what she told them happened.
It's like we're 12 and 17 again and I am just so annoyed by her and want to confront her about the lying, but my parents asked me not to say anything.
I guess it's part vent and part what would you do?
I would have done just what you did. I would not bother to confront her - what good would it do? In addition, I'd make myself much less available to my sister if she behaved as you describe.
I'm not sure why it bothers you to be judged judgemental. For example, your sister lied about you. You judged her to be a liar. What's wrong with that? It's the truth.
it seems everyone is playing her cards, and she's dealing from the bottom of the deck.... making excuses for her
dont play her cards, deal your own,,
talk to her, you make a statement-then dont react to what she says-actions speak louder than words..
your parents are walking on glass around her,,,and are hoping for the best,,
if respect is NOT a two way street, then you have every right to tell her what you wont tolerate anymore,,,be blunt, straight,,,and non reactive
hold your head high,,, say your peace, tell her to think about it,,then walk away-dont engage her,,
if she is hurling insults at you,,dont take the bait-walk away,,,once you react, you are playing her cards..
it seems everyone is playing her cards, and she's dealing from the bottom of the deck.... making excuses for her
dont play her cards, deal your own,,
talk to her, you make a statement-then dont react to what she says-actions speak louder than words..
your parents are walking on glass around her,,,and are hoping for the best,,
if respect is NOT a two way street, then you have every right to tell her what you wont tolerate anymore,,,be blunt, straight,,,and non reactive
hold your head high,,, say your peace, tell her to think about it,,then walk away-dont engage her,,
if she is hurling insults at you,,dont take the bait-walk away,,,once you react, you are playing her cards..
Don't say you won't do whatever it is she wants - just ignore her. Ignore the texts and calls. If your parents say something , then just say "yeah, after that last lie, I have decided not to ever engage with her again. Best for all parties" and stop the conversation there. You don't have to be stern with them - just keep repeating that you have cut her out of your life and you don't want to talk about it anymore. They should respect that decision.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She told them that I wouldn't do this favor for her knowing she was sick and a bunch of other lies. She phrased it as if she asked me to do 'A' and I told her no and but I would do 'B'.
