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It seems like those of you who visit often either have very flexible jobs or live a lot closer than I do. It's kind of tough for me to just drive down to visit. The drive is anywhere from 10-12 hrs on the road each way. It can be worse if you hit traffic on the interstate. If I leave in the evening, stop somewhere and spend the night and finish the drive the next day that means 2 days traveling each way. So unless I stay for more than 4 days I spend more time driving than anything else. I can fly down and rent a car, but that means if my husband and I both go it costs almost $1000. Not to mention I have a full time job and run a home based business with my husband, so it's hard to take off 2 jobs.
I get a little frustrated when my family asks if I'm flying down for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. They don't seem to understand the costs involved.
I guess part of the reason I stopped talking on the phone to my mom was because she would always call me at 9 or 10 at night and want to talk about my other sisters for an hour. I told her over and over that I had to get up early for work and to get my son off to school so I couldn't talk on the phone that late. She never listened so I stopped answering the phone. That was many years ago when my son was small.
I do email them every month or so. So there is some contact.
I try to call my parents once a week and I visit them faithfully every Thanksgiving. I honestly would prefer to add a second trip but most years it just is not feasible with my workload. Since my parents are both retired now they will visit me about two to three times a year as well. We live about 250 miles apart.
I talk to my family in the states daily and family overseas weekly.
When I was in college, I wondered if it was excessive. These days, I'm honored to even have family I love, respect, and enjoy talking to so much. It's a blessing, for sure
I guess part of the reason I stopped talking on the phone to my mom was because she would always call me at 9 or 10 at night and want to talk about my other sisters for an hour. I told her over and over that I had to get up early for work and to get my son off to school so I couldn't talk on the phone that late. She never listened so I stopped answering the phone. That was many years ago when my son was small.
That's kind of what people mean when they say that the phone works both ways. Don't pick up when it's inconvenient and call her back when it is.
When I first started college, I moved about 2800 miles from home (from the east coast to the west coast). Now I'm approximately 1700 miles away and have been at varying (long) distances between then and now.
I've called my parents once a week on the weekends since leaving home. We've tried FaceTime a few times, but they're more comfortable on the phone. My sister, on the other hand, I only talk to when we're both home for holidays. It's not because I don't like her, it's just because I'm not very good at making an effort to keep in touch with people. You know, an out of sight out of mind kind of thing. The only reason I've been so committed to talking with my parents is because I feel like I owe it to them since they're my parents.
I pretty much left home when I was 18. I lived in many different places over the years. I always called in to my parents about once a week. When I lived within a two-hour drive of them, I visited every other Sunday and spent many holidays with them. My siblings all lived very far away but they visited about once a year and also called weekly. My father died 12 years ago and my mother is in poor health and now lives with me.
Jakealope, I often think there is too much contact between adult children and their parents. It's hard for people to grow up when their parents are insinuated into every aspect of their lives. I also think a lot of parents need to make more of an effort to let go of their kids and stop living THROUGH them. I see that a lot: people making no effort to have their own engaged lives after their kids leave the nest. They just sit home and watch TV, waiting for the next time Jason and Jennifer "need them." That's not healthy. But your way of doing things is also not good.
Seriously, did your family ever do anything to you to cause a rift? If not, you owe the people who raised you more attention than a conversation "maybe once a year." And it's distinctly possible that your siblings and their families could add a lot to your life if you'd give them a chance. Go home, participate, try to contribute, don't expect to be the center of attention (you might want to stay in a hotel). Keep in better touch in the future. You won't reconnect in one visit but a little effort will go a long way. Your parents aren't going to live forever.
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