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I pretty much left home when I was 18. I lived in many different places over the years. I always called in to my parents about once a week. When I lived within a two-hour drive of them, I visited every other Sunday and spent many holidays with them. My siblings all lived very far away but they visited about once a year and also called weekly. My father died 12 years ago and my mother is in poor health and now lives with me.
Jakealope, I often think there is too much contact between adult children and their parents. It's hard for people to grow up when their parents are insinuated into every aspect of their lives. I also think a lot of parents need to make more of an effort to let go of their kids and stop living THROUGH them. I see that a lot: people making no effort to have their own engaged lives after their kids leave the nest. They just sit home and watch TV, waiting for the next time Jason and Jennifer "need them." That's not healthy. But your way of doing things is also not good.
Seriously, did your family ever do anything to you to cause a rift? If not, you owe the people who raised you more attention than a conversation "maybe once a year." And it's distinctly possible that your siblings and their families could add a lot to your life if you'd give them a chance. Go home, participate, try to contribute, don't expect to be the center of attention (you might want to stay in a hotel). Keep in better touch in the future. You won't reconnect in one visit but a little effort will go a long way. Your parents aren't going to live forever.
The rift was caused from my parents being over critical of me and all my siblings. I think my parents are typical for their generation. They meant well, but did some serious damage. I have 3 sisters and we are all responsible people. We have some drama, but nothing compared to many people. We made some mistakes when we were young adults, but nothing unusual or horrifying. Yet my parents would act as though we committed mass murder or worse over the smallest things. They have a way of making all of us feel like we are horrible people, yet we know that really we are not. One of my sisters has attempted suicide twice. My parents act like it didn't happen. My Mom is really big on saying one thing to your face and then talking to the other 3 siblings about everything you do wrong. We have all had to tell her that we are not going to listen to negative BS about our sisters. She got the message, but I don't think she knows the damage that was done.
It's really hard to sum to sum everything up in one quick post. I honestly feel like my parents are not mean people and they meant well. Nobody is a perfect parent. But I don't like to let them in on too much in my life because of past events. When I try to talk to them I have a hard time. I worry about revealing too much because I don't want to give my Mom & Dad too much "material to work with". My husband had a distant relationship with his parents as well. He doesn't know any other way. He just says "Some people put up with family BS and some people don't. You don't."
It's sad that this is easier to discuss in an online forum of strangers. But I'm a true introvert and somehow I find the forum easier.
Last edited by Jakealope; 11-15-2013 at 06:45 AM..
Reason: typo
Even when I lived 3000 miles away we would talk once a week, 15 years ago I moved close to them and saw them every weekend, and talked during the week. Now Mom is gone, (2007) and I live about 75 yards from my Dad, so talk or see him every other day or more. All I can say is it's a blessing.
If I ever live two streets over my mother, you can definitely assume that is by accident.
I wouldn't have thought this when I was in my 20s, but it's really the best thing ever.
I had a wonderful childhood, and although we had our arguments/rifts, we all get along well now.
They love my son and they pretty much worship him.
I know I won't have them forever and I am so glad we get to spend time together now.
I wouldn't have thought this when I was in my 20s, but it's really the best thing ever.
I had a wonderful childhood, and although we had our arguments/rifts, we all get along well now.
They love my son and they pretty much worship him.
I know I won't have them forever and I am so glad we get to spend time together now.
Well, the first time my mother and father arrived unannounced at my apartment was the last. They didn't actually meet my girlfriend. They just saw her clothes scattered around the den. Serves them right for showing up at a single guy's apartment at 8:30 in the morning.
I try and call my parents about once a week. I tend to talk to Dad more than my Mom. I agree with others. If you have a good relationship and they are here might as well enjoy the time with them. Can't enjoy them when they are dead and gone. I always say to my parents and family, gotta spend time with the family while they are alive. Now that I am getting older it would be nicer to be closer to my parents. Within driving distance. I miss em.
Well, the first time my mother and father arrived unannounced at my apartment was the last. They didn't actually meet my girlfriend. They just saw her clothes scattered around the den. Serves them right for showing up at a single guy's apartment at 8:30 in the morning.
Interestingly, no one shows up unannounced.
We all have cell phones. No one wants to ring the bell at our house in case the baby is sleeping.
*shrug*
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