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Your friend's a racist. He may not associate you with stereotypical (and negative) aspects of black culture, but he sees people that look like you as inferior.
I don't see any reason to tell him why you're backing away from him, as he'd only deny his true feelings. Find a better friend.
And your little comment that you wouldn't be surprised if his whole family is closet racists bc of what your friend said....well that's exactly what you are accusing your friend of. Having preconceived notions of an individual just bc they belong to a certain group that has displayed actions / behaviors you don't like.
But let me guess....I should back the f up, as I'm sure you won't like my view either.
I believe I was the one who first suggested that the family of OP's friend may be closet racists BECAUSE...
I believe that racism/racist comments don't just pop into someone's head. I don't believe it's in human nature to just inherently be racist or think that two races shouldn't date. I think that OP's friend probably heard his dad or brother or grandpa say something similar at some point in his life, so he carried on that belief himself.
OP, you don't HAVE to quit being friends with this guy by any means. It sounds like y'all have been friends for a really long time. But I would definitely bring it up to him and just say straight up that it made you feel uncomfortable.
You should have another talk with him. Let him know what he said made you upset and see what he says. I personally would cut him off but it's up to you.
I've had to end friendships because people would get comfortable knowing that we were friends and think it's okay to say the N word, or say things like "I think it's funny that black girls hate white girls but get weaves to look like us...but you're not like that!" or "I like you because you're not (insert stereotype here) like OTHER black people". I thought this girl in the dorms really was my friend because we spent the most time together but then she told me that I was the only girl she trusted around her boyfriend because she "knew he wouldn't cheat on her with me because he's not attracted to black girls." That's probably the only reason why she wanted to be roommates, because she was insecure around other women she considered "on her level". You can't change people and all you can do is cut them out of your life.
I've been very good friends with a guy I've known for about three years. We're bros. I just got off the phone with him and he explained that he doesn't agree with interracial dating/marriage. I was not expecting anything like that to come from him. He's white and I am black Puerto Rican. I asked him to explain further and he said mixing cultures is not a good thing. I wanted to punch him in the face through the phone.
Then I asked him how he can like me as a friend if I'm technically mixed. He said because I don't act like a "typical negro". I had to hang up the phone at that point. I am completely in disbelief that he could say that to me.
Thing is, I'm close to his whole family. I just never knew they were racist. How do I tell him to politely shove it up his ass?
You are better than me. I would have asked him to describe the "typical negro" and how often he comes into contact with said "typical negro". I would have turned into a very unpleasant conversation for one of us and that would not be me. It would have read him up, down, and around and then told him to lose my number.
I'm a woman, and a scientist, who had to overcome some old-fashioned cultural attitudes about my career when I was in college in the early 70s. I have to say, if I were friends with someone who suddenly announced to me that they thought women didn't have the intellectual capacity of men, or made some other gender-based, negative, irrational accusation, and excused themselves away by saying "but you're different," I would excuse *myself* away from the friendship. If knowing me has not made them realize their attitude is unfounded, they aren't my kind of people.
Anyway, while I am completely opposite of him on this issue, we will still be friends. If hes not acting on it, to me its no different than if he believes in Jesus and i dont or visa versa. Its a different philosophy on life, but its only one area.
You can still be friends with him because you don't have any "skin in the game." If you were a black person, I'm sure you'd feel differently.
As a white person, dealing with race is optional for you.
I've been very good friends with a guy I've known for about three years. We're bros. I just got off the phone with him and he explained that he doesn't agree with interracial dating/marriage. I was not expecting anything like that to come from him. He's white and I am black Puerto Rican. I asked him to explain further and he said mixing cultures is not a good thing. I wanted to punch him in the face through the phone.
Then I asked him how he can like me as a friend if I'm technically mixed. He said because I don't act like a "typical negro". I had to hang up the phone at that point. I am completely in disbelief that he could say that to me.
Thing is, I'm close to his whole family. I just never knew they were racist. How do I tell him to politely shove it up his ass?
Is it possible that instead of being racist he is just being practical. Before you start calling me a racist, maybe I should explain that I definitely have American Indian blood and possible a trace of black because it is possible my great grandfather was mulatto and German, Scotch-Irish and also European blue blood. I have heard some people quote from the Bible that the races should not be mixed. I don't know where they get it. Mixing races can cause problems for the children of the mixed couple. Maybe he is trying to avoid that problem.
A little tolerance from everyone can go a long way. We all have the right to choose whom we will marry. Racist means that you feel superior to the other race. Not wanting to mix races as long as he treats you with respect otherwise is not racist. As a friend he should be able to tell you how he feels about different things and as a friend maybe you can refrain from judging him and respect his opinions about who he wants to marry. Tolerance is a two-way street, or should be.
Is it possible you have feelings for this young man and are just feeling rejected?
Is it possible that instead of being racist he is just being practical. Before you start calling me a racist, maybe I should explain that I definitely have American Indian blood and possible a trace of black because it is possible my great grandfather was mulatto and German, Scotch-Irish and also European blue blood. I have heard some people quote from the Bible that the races should not be mixed. I don't know where they get it. Mixing races can cause problems for the children of the mixed couple. Maybe he is trying to avoid that problem.
A little tolerance from everyone can go a long way. We all have the right to choose whom we will marry. Racist means that you feel superior to the other race. Not wanting to mix races as long as he treats you with respect otherwise is not racist. As a friend he should be able to tell you how he feels about different things and as a friend maybe you can refrain from judging him and respect his opinions about who he wants to marry. Tolerance is a two-way street, or should be.
Is it possible you have feelings for this young man and are just feeling rejected?
What. the. hell. did. I. just. read?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
How is it practical in anyway?!
I know many well adjusted people who are of mixed races. Do you have any data to back up what you said? I don't believe it for a minute.
Though suggesting that races don't marry each other isn't an act of violence, and isn't as direct as saying "I HATE (insert race/ethnicity here) PEOPLE!!" it's still rude and offensive, whether you like it or not. We don't live in the Jim Crow era anymore.
Edit: I also want to add, that if everyone always believed that mixing races was a bad idea, apparently YOU would not be here today since you (like many other Americans) have a mixed racial background.
I've been very good friends with a guy I've known for about three years. We're bros. I just got off the phone with him and he explained that he doesn't agree with interracial dating/marriage. I was not expecting anything like that to come from him. He's white and I am black Puerto Rican. I asked him to explain further and he said mixing cultures is not a good thing. I wanted to punch him in the face through the phone.
Then I asked him how he can like me as a friend if I'm technically mixed. He said because I don't act like a "typical negro". I had to hang up the phone at that point. I am completely in disbelief that he could say that to me.
Thing is, I'm close to his whole family. I just never knew they were racist. How do I tell him to politely shove it up his ass?
I don't agree with the interracial marriage thing either..partially because white guys want hispanic women and it seems they can't deal with their own..i don't blame them though. It's better than my so called friend..he has said the N word repeatedly after I told him that I find it uncomfortable. I finally had to cut him off. I think that the hardest part for me is I have had so many racist things happen to me here that I am starting to change and that's not good..i don't want to be that way though and I am fighting it but it's hard when people segregate themselves in this hellhole. Oh, I am in east texas btw. That will change after May though! So I have a question for everyone..how do you deal with the negativity when things like this happen repeatedly in the area where you live and you are stuck here for a time?
Last edited by Blackscorpion; 11-17-2013 at 11:10 PM..
Back the F up. Did you just say I'm the one over reacting? Get the hell outta here. Of course no one is perfect and everyone has flaws. If he's willing to hate people for their skin color now then what's to stop him from doing the same thing to me when we have an argument sometime down the road?
I agree your overreacting, but why shouldnt you, the entire world now overreacts to this.
There is nothing racist about a person not agreeing with interracial marriages.
To be honest, in your and other responses to your post I am reading more hate and racism then your supposed friend supposedly "wronged" you.
Grow up, get a job and quit the drama by being thankful you have a friend who shares with you his thoughts even if sometimes they dont align with yours.
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