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Old 11-19-2013, 05:01 PM
 
9 posts, read 16,925 times
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Hello

I have a situation and I want to get your opinions on this.

My mother died giving me birth and my father died a few weeks later. So, I never knew my biological parents. Sometimes it does make me sad, because I have 4 older sisters and 2 older brothers. They all grew up mostly together and looking at all of the pictures it's like they were the Brady Bunch. I get jealous and bitter when I think of not growing up with them. I'm not sure why since I have a great family.

My oldest sister Angela (53 years old) and her husband Randall have raised me since my parents died. We have a big family and I grew up with 3 nieces as my sisters. I love them so much.

I have no problem calling Randall "dad". He's awesome and I'm actually his favorite. He gives me a lot of special treatment.

The problem is a lot of my family (brothers, aunts, etc.) say it's inappropriate that I call Angela "mom" since she's actually my sister. But some of them are really mean about it. They said it's my fault mother died. Angela tells them to **** lol. But sometimes I really do feel like it is my fault and it makes me depressed.
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Old 11-19-2013, 05:21 PM
 
1,619 posts, read 732,012 times
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Hold up, it is not your fault. What happened to your mother was out of your hands. What the heck is wrong with some of your family members? They got some serious issues.

As far as I am concerned she is your mother. Sounds like she raised you, fed you, discipline you, mentored you, etc.

For the family members who are giving you crap, I highly suggest you distance yourself from them. They really have some issues.
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Old 11-19-2013, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,006 posts, read 17,320,800 times
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I am sorry for the loss of your parents. Is it possible that your siblings and relatives fell said when you use the same term for your that they used for your mom. It may cause them to feel sad. What if you used a different word such as Mama or Mother for her or make something up such as S'Mom (sister mom) or her name Mary-Mom.

If your sister is 53 years old this must have happened quite some time ago and you must now be at least 20 years old. What you call her should not still be bothering your relatives.

And, of course you did not kill your mother. In the very, very worse case scenario your mom who was almost too old to be a new mom, decided to have another child (you). It was her choice you had nothing to do with it. Your biological mother wanted to have another baby and accepted that there may be increased risks of problems at age. Her relatives should not have ever blamed you and they should certainly be not blaming you now.
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Old 11-19-2013, 05:30 PM
 
9 posts, read 16,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peequi View Post
For the family members who are giving you crap, I highly suggest you distance yourself from them. They really have some issues.
Yeah, I know. Angela said to just stay away from them, but for some reason I really want the approval of my other sisters and brothers. She told them we wouldn't be seeing them again if they kept at it. So, they have so stopped it, lately.
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Old 11-19-2013, 05:39 PM
 
9 posts, read 16,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
If your sister is 53 years old this must have happened quite some time ago and you must now be at least 20 years old. What you call her should not still be bothering your relatives.

And, of course you did not kill your mother. In the very, very worse case scenario your mom who was almost too old to be a new mom, decided to have another child (you). It was her choice you had nothing to do with it. Your biological mother wanted to have another baby and accepted that there may be increased risks of problems at age. Her relatives should not have ever blamed you and they should certainly be not blaming you now.
I'm 17 years old. I was a "rare" birth since my mother was 54 at the time.

I want to call her "mom". That's all she's ever been to me. It's like some people are trying to take that away from me.
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Old 11-19-2013, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,730,834 times
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I think calling your mother figure- your sister- Mom is perfectly acceptable and you should tel those jealous mean jerks to jump in the lake. nobody's business but yours and your sister.
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Old 11-19-2013, 06:37 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,615,101 times
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"Is it Normal to Call My Sister "Mom"?"

NO, it is not normal... but it IS your normal (which is all that matters!).
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Old 11-19-2013, 07:12 PM
 
16,587 posts, read 14,060,224 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Follower of Christina View Post
I'm 17 years old. I was a "rare" birth since my mother was 54 at the time.

I want to call her "mom". That's all she's ever been to me. It's like some people are trying to take that away from me.
Mother is as much a verb as it is a noun, and your sister did the "mothering" for you. Calling her "Mom" does nothing more or less than recognize that fact.

So you can call your sister what ever you and she are comfortable with. That is no one's business but the two of you. I have a mother and a stepmother, I call one "Mom" and the other "Ma". Even if I called them both the same thing, it is no one's business besides mine and my Moms'.

BTW, while I am sorry for your loss, I tend to resort to being a bit clinical and scientific about these things. As a scientist, with a graduate degree in biology (and I am sure the nurses, doctors, and medical professionals on this forum would agree) you absolutely, did not "kill" you mother, what killed your mother was a combination of her advanced maternal age and bad luck. You had nothing to do with either her age nor her bad luck.
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Old 11-19-2013, 08:23 PM
 
4,728 posts, read 4,471,016 times
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Your sister, mom, is right to tell your family to f--- off. You did not kill your mother, and of course you can call your sister your mother. She is the one that raised you, so she is your mom for all intents and puposes.
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Old 11-19-2013, 09:00 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,200 posts, read 15,171,485 times
Reputation: 102163
I agree with the other posters. I see nothing wrong, under these circumstances, in calling your sister who raised you, "Mom."

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