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Your brother has been the pseudo-parent of your SIL's two sons since they were very small children. Undoubtedly they are just as worried and scared about his illness as their brother. Please do not mistake the fact that a 5-year-old may cry while a 9 or 10-year-old may lock it away inside as one child being "more upset" than the other. That's simply a naive and ignorant assumption.
And as far as "special attention" you should be aware that this may very well backfire. Ask yourself how much your nephew is going to like having to go back to that household in a few months to older brothers who now resent him. I watched this happen with the 4th child I told you about in a previous post. It was very, very sad, and yet none of the "spoiling" adults in the picture realized what they were doing until it was too late, until the other 3 siblings had basically united as a group and decided they didn't want anything to do with her. It was very subtle. She was always laughed at a little more. A little more effort made to leave her out. Nice gestures extended to each other but rarely to her. And after the mother they all four shared died? The other three banded together to support each other and she was once again sort of just there. It was very sad. The other three are wonderful people, very kind, but it was hard to undo the damage that was caused by one child being "favored" over the others, and the bond they could've developed as a group of four siblings just didn't form. There was too much resentment early on, and that never healed.
Hope you make the right choice.
If they are going to leave a child out, they will do it anyway. That bond was probably set when Mom married again. This younger child deserves his special treatment too. Everybody worries about the older children having to adjust to new children and situations. We younger children have always had to share with everybody since birth. It won't kill the older children to have someone younger get special treatment for a change.
Your brother has been the pseudo-parent of your SIL's two sons since they were very small children. Undoubtedly they are just as worried and scared about his illness as their brother. Please do not mistake the fact that a 5-year-old may cry while a 9 or 10-year-old may lock it away inside as one child being "more upset" than the other. That's simply a naive and ignorant assumption.
And as far as "special attention" you should be aware that this may very well backfire. Ask yourself how much your nephew is going to like having to go back to that household in a few months to older brothers who now resent him. I watched this happen with the 4th child I told you about in a previous post. It was very, very sad, and yet none of the "spoiling" adults in the picture realized what they were doing until it was too late, until the other 3 siblings had basically united as a group and decided they didn't want anything to do with her. It was very subtle. She was always laughed at a little more. A little more effort made to leave her out. Nice gestures extended to each other but rarely to her. And after the mother they all four shared died? The other three banded together to support each other and she was once again sort of just there. It was very sad. The other three are wonderful people, very kind, but it was hard to undo the damage that was caused by one child being "favored" over the others, and the bond they could've developed as a group of four siblings just didn't form. There was too much resentment early on, and that never healed.
Hope you make the right choice.
If that's how it's going to play with this family, then the 5yo is free to resent his older brothers for the special privileges and FAMILY trips they get to take and he wasn't allowed to. Yea, just let it be... this family is doomed.
For one, I'm glad the mother is doing the right thing.
If they are going to leave a child out, they will do it anyway. That bond was probably set when Mom married again. This younger child deserves his special treatment too. Everybody worries about the older children having to adjust to new children and situations. We younger children have always had to share with everybody since birth. It won't kill he older children to have someone younger get special treatment for a change.
Especially the youngest one is having such a hard time. He is the one living with me (Not the other two older kids) What is so wrong to pamper him a little bit more? I agree with everything you just posted.
Because I don't want to ARGUE, especially after you called my FIVE YEAR OLD NEPHEW selfish and spoiled! Does it mean you are going? You have said your last word, haven't you?
Looks like you need to reread. You are the one who stated:
Quote:
He has been a good little boy these two weeks because he was looking forward to have a little trip with me. Why do I have to disappoint the kid just because those two older kids want to come along? If I end up taking the other two,how will my nephew feel anything special?
If your nephew cannot enjoy getting a special treat just because someone else (his brothers) receive the treat also, that is certainly spoiled and selfish. You are the one who stated you think he has this quality, not me.
Personally, I think it's just you who are projecting this idea onto him because it provides an excuse for you to favor him over the brothers who are "not blood", which is what you've wanted to do all along. Probably your nephew would be thrilled to have his brothers there.
Looks like you need to reread. You are the one who stated:
If your nephew cannot enjoy getting a special treat just because someone else (his brothers) receive the treat also, that is certainly spoiled and selfish. You are the one who stated you think he has this quality, not me.
Personally, I think it's just you who are projecting this idea onto him because it provides an excuse for you to favor him over the brothers who are "not blood", which is what you've wanted to do all along. Probably your nephew would be thrilled to have his brothers there.
Is your nephew really so spoiled and selfish that he would be "disappointed" if his brothers got to share in his cool trip? If so, wow...
Nasty and mean spirited, need I say more?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
So now you are calling my five year old nephew spoiled and selfish?
If the two OLDER siblings don't get to go to the vacation with us, and get all mad and pissed, would you call them spoiled and selfish?
If you want to argue, argue fairly.
Looks like you CONVENIENTLY dodged my question. Very classy of you.
Maybe you should also acknowledge the fact that I have posted my update with my sister in law. She acknowledged the miscommunication and is working with me right now. No hurt feelings whatsoever.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981
When I come back, I perhaps will take my sister in law and her two kids somewhere else (without my nephew) just to balance things a little bit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar
bha blah blah.
Does it mean you are satisfied now? Ready to hit the road now this time for good?
Does it mean you are satisfied now? Ready to hit the road now this time for good?
No, I actually didn't. You might want to reread...
You can choose to ask a moderator to close your thread if you are done discussing, but no, you don't get to tell anyone who doesn't immediately agree with you they are not allowed to respond.
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