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Old 11-26-2013, 03:00 PM
 
68 posts, read 71,715 times
Reputation: 39

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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
Name can't be on the child's birth certificate unless he signs which he obviously did not. Why do people on this site think you can just randomly plaster a man''s name on a birth certificate like that. Then geez every body would claim Mitt Romney as their baby daddy. You need permission people!
I did sign it:

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
Yes, my name is in his birth certificate. I told her I wouldn't want anything to do with the child but I come from a time when there was a big stigma around being the child of an 'unknown' father. It was meaningless in the end, I know, but it was what I thought I should do.

Thanks for the rest of the advice.

 
Old 11-26-2013, 03:10 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,598,421 times
Reputation: 46005
Be very careful how you go about this. You created this mess, so now you've really got to undo it with a lot of delicacy.

Do not contact your son directly. You really need to do this through his mother. And be prepared to eat a great deal of humble pie while you do so. She will likely be hostile. You're going to have to suffer through this, apologize a great deal for what you did and didn't do, and take your lumps.

Only then, once you convince her that you're sincere and you aren't coming in to wreck her life and his, can you even approach the idea of meeting him. And, even then, you need to take your cues from her.

Doing anything else but that in that precise order will result in disaster.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 03:12 PM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,276,273 times
Reputation: 3848
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
OP while sending money is a good idea, I'd go with a paternity test first. Most people tend to stick with a certain ""type"". Look at someone we all know Kim K, now the baby Kim K could have had with Ray J or with Kanye West would NOT look so different. Would be same skin color, hair color, eye color etc, would probably be both good singers etc.

Make sure this baby is yours. And if its yours you better start paying baby!
Are you deliberately stupid? In the OP's very first post, he said his son is 24 years old. It doesn't actually matter whether or not the kid is "his" right now, since he's an adult at 24, and, oh yea - the mother never went after him for child support.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 03:19 PM
 
68 posts, read 71,715 times
Reputation: 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
This thread makes me mad at all parties involved except of course the 24year old kid. OP you are NOT memorseful & are a waste of space, you don't deserve the air you breathe in.

Now as for this babymama of yours, if you told her you did not want the baby it would have solved the problem if she had an abortion. After all, she was screwing a man twice her age outside of marriage just to give birth & later torment a young man for the rest of his life. Sounds like a sugar daddy fail. She tried to trap a well to do man for money & ended up collecting welfare cheques, abondoned & broke.

As for OP, you owe these people a LOT of money. I don't believe you have changed at all. Its not like you went out of your way to find this boy, you more or less ran into them!
She was terrified when she got pregnant. She was finishing her degree at the time (I don't know if she managed to finish it). I doubt getting pregnant was ideal to her. Especially because she had a chance to have an abortion and didn't even when I told her I wouldn't want the baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
How did you sllep at night for 24 years knowing you had abondoned a child?
I was living a very fast life, so I was usually so tired I didn't think about anything else. I managed to delete it from my memory for a certain period of time.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 03:29 PM
 
16,568 posts, read 14,013,609 times
Reputation: 20518
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
Name can't be on the child's birth certificate unless he signs which he obviously did not. Why do people on this site think you can just randomly plaster a man''s name on a birth certificate like that. Then geez every body would claim Mitt Romney as their baby daddy. You need permission people!
This is not true.

In my state, father does not have to sign unless the parents are not married at the time of the child's birth.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 04:12 PM
 
1,193 posts, read 1,530,061 times
Reputation: 3440
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I don't send money to people I haven't spoken with for 24 years. That is something that we can discuss later. I've already said I'm available to do whatever they wish.
I think if you were really interested in doing right by either one of them, you would send her the money, no strings attached, for the simple reason that you owe it to her. Period. And you know it too. You're no fool and you're aware what it cost to raise your child all those years while you were out living the wild life. Bad enough that one person would do it to another, but the fact that you were a 40 year old man and she was a young woman of 21 and not even finished with school makes it especially low on your part. I say this not with the intent of kicking someone who is down, but to drive home the point that there is something you can do. Right now. Perhaps it can't make it 100% right, but it could go a very long way towards at least making up the financial hardship you placed upon this woman and this young man because of your choices.

"Sorry" is an action, not just a feeling. It means making honest amends for the mistakes you've made, not just stopping short at vague, valueless words. If you are actually sorry for abandoning your son, make amends now. Hire a lawyer and have them get into contact with the mother and the son. Have the lawyer explain that you regret the choices you made 25 years ago. Have the lawyer convey that while you understand you cannot make up for the hurt caused, you want to take the step of making right the financial hardship you caused to them both. Be generous. At that point, they will know you have thought about this situation, and perhaps they will choose to get in contact with you. To make this gesture without strings and in honor of what you should've done all along would be the "rightest" step you can take at this point, and the action of trying to do the right thing, even long after the fact, speaks volumes about your sincerity in a way that may be necessary for anyone ever to believe you.

You have a choice.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 04:20 PM
 
3,072 posts, read 4,260,901 times
Reputation: 6511
Quote:
Originally Posted by angrymillionaire View Post
Why you mad boo? Did I touch a nerve? You sound like a scorned babymama yourself.

I'm not understanding what was in it for her to lose her youth & bring a baby all by herself except of course the logical explanation would be that OP seemed to be doing financially well at that time. I have seen this scenario all too often, young girls getting pregnant on purpose by a sugardaddy just to use their baby for child support. Only her case was sugar daddy fail.

I''m not saying OP was right he is also a scumbag.
Not a 'scorned babymama', happily married with two babies (yes, both with him!). If you read what this guy actually wrote, you would see how stupid your comments were. Not the first time you've made such ridiculous comments about people who have children out of wedlock, last time I read, your marriage was down in the dumps and you are hardly a patron saint to be judging people about that.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 04:28 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,985 posts, read 14,629,883 times
Reputation: 14868
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitkatbar View Post
I think if you were really interested in doing right by either one of them, you would send her the money, no strings attached, for the simple reason that you owe it to her. Period. And you know it too. You're no fool and you're aware what it cost to raise your child all those years while you were out living the wild life. Bad enough that one person would do it to another, but the fact that you were a 40 year old man and she was a young woman of 21 and not even finished with school makes it especially low on your part. I say this not with the intent of kicking someone who is down, but to drive home the point that there is something you can do. Right now. Perhaps it can't make it 100% right, but it could go a very long way towards at least making up the financial hardship you placed upon this woman and this young man because of your choices.

"Sorry" is an action, not just a feeling. It means making honest amends for the mistakes you've made, not just stopping short at vague, valueless words. If you are actually sorry for abandoning your son, make amends now. Hire a lawyer and have them get into contact with the mother and the son. Have the lawyer explain that you regret the choices you made 25 years ago. Have the lawyer convey that while you understand you cannot make up for the hurt caused, you want to take the step of making right the financial hardship you caused to them both. Be generous. At that point, they will know you have thought about this situation, and perhaps they will choose to get in contact with you. To make this gesture without strings and in honor of what you should've done all along would be the "rightest" step you can take at this point, and the action of trying to do the right thing, even long after the fact, speaks volumes about your sincerity in a way that may be necessary for anyone ever to believe you.

You have a choice.
I really cannot improve on this so I will just say

Some have said that the money should go to the son, but it was the mother that struggled to pay for clothing, food, insurance, shelter, schooling and associated costs, etc., etc., etc. when those costs should have been shared.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 04:38 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,055 posts, read 9,483,757 times
Reputation: 5773
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
This "kid" is 24 years old. Indeed, we know nothing about him other than his age. He could be a man who has served years fighting in Iraq or Afghanistan. He could have a wife and children. And yet, you believe the OP should run this by his Mommy first?

Everyone but the son had a choice in the matter.

"She even phoned me to tell I was the father of a boy and sent me a picture of the baby, but when I ignored it, she phoned again saying he would never know who his father was."

The son has a right to know the identity of his father AND the right to choose whether he would like to speak with him. It is time to stop infantilizing this man.
Going to anyone besides the mother first is stirring the pot, and it's not OK. The original point-of-contact was the mother, and that's the decent and correct point of re-contact. That would be true no matter what the circumstances of the son, or the mother, or the son's father (not sperm donor) might be.
 
Old 11-26-2013, 04:46 PM
 
Location: SoCal
6,055 posts, read 9,483,757 times
Reputation: 5773
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I will leave the letter in her mail box tomorrow ...her
No. Mail the letter. Leaving it in her mailbox is stalker-ish and creepy.
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