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This is not the girl I have another thread about, I just want to make that clear.
There is this girl that I crushed on a while ago and the feeling wasn't mutual. We ended up as friends which is fine, and there was actually a little bit of tongue in cheek flirting. We would actually show up to parties together and act a little couple like for fun and to keep people we really weren't interested in from hitting on us (we work at a place where we're not interested in our coworkers for the most part and not to sound full of myself but we're among the more desirable people there). That was going great and we had some ground rules where we wouldn't talk about relationships outside of our's because that would just lead to a bad situation, even if I was in the "friendzone" there weren't any of the negatives associated with that as far as I'm concerned.
She started to break that rule and started to try to get advice out of me and I just generally ignored it or made a point to show I didn't want to deal with it. She finally told me about some guy she was interested in and pretty much talked about him without me even participating. At which point I told her I didn't want to talk about it. Then we got into an argument about how I shouldn't care if I'm her friend.
So at this point I'm figuring I'm just not going to be friends with her, I'm not going to listen to that kind of thing from someone I'm honestly still a little attracted to. I don't deal with at from any of my female friends unless its a really bad situation and they desperately need my help anyway. The only relationship drama I'm willing to deal with is what I bring on myself. I'm not dating her so I don't see any obligation to be part of her relationship drama.
Is that a reasonable thing to not talk to someone for a while over? I'm waiting for her to talk to me again and see if its about something else. With that is this the kind of thing that's going to **** her off? What I would really like is for her to think about this some and not do it again but we can continue to be friends.
Also I really do care about her but I am just not willing to put up with that kind of thing when she really doesn't need my help. She has other friends she can go to.
It sounds like you weren't completely honest with her about being "just friends," and she's trying to shove you into the typical "friend" role, by talking about her new relationship, which is probably very exciting to her. But it also sounds like she's not respecting your boundaries. You have a right to withdraw.
Yes, it's probably going to tick her off. Because, honestly, not talking about your relationships is not a normal rule to have between friends. I can understand maybe agreeing to disagree about political topics or mutual acquaintances on whom you have a split opinion, but you want a friendship that excludes a topic that can represent a significant part of a person's life.
Your expectations for the friendship were unrealistic, and that was mainly because you were her friend because you were secretly hoping she'd change her mind.
How many times does one have to be told to keep romance out of the office and that two humans cannot be friends only when one of those humans has romantic feelings for the other?
Either have a romantic relationship with this girl or don't have a relationship with her at all.
YOU agreed to be FRIENDS, friends talk about their issues with their friends to try and get some insight, a wee bit of advice and just the need to rant a bit at times.
I personally would be grateful if you didn't talk to me again over something so trivial that has been turned into a dramafest.
How many times does one have to be told to keep romance out of the office and that two humans cannot be friends only when one of those humans has romantic feelings for the other?
Either have a romantic relationship with this girl or don't have a relationship with her at all.
YOU agreed to be FRIENDS, friends talk about their issues with their friends to try and get some insight, a wee bit of advice and just the need to rant a bit at times.
I personally would be grateful if you didn't talk to me again over something so trivial that has been turned into a dramafest.
Friends talk about their relationships, about their hopes and fears and drama. They ask for advice and good friends will give it when it is asked for and try their best to help. You are not friends with this lady, you are a hopeful suitor, and if it hurts that much to hear her talk about another man, than I think you need to tell her that you are too fond of her to just be friends.
Everyone else here is right. You weren't honest about wanting to be "just friends." Be honest with her and tell her the real reason why you don't want to hear about her newest relationship. Stop trying to make it sound like her fault because that's what friends do for each other, they listen to each other's latest troubles and give advice. The reason you're upset is your fault because you're not being honest.
Friends talk about their relationships, about their hopes and fears and drama. They ask for advice and good friends will give it when it is asked for and try their best to help. You are not friends with this lady, you are a hopeful suitor, and if it hurts that much to hear her talk about another man, than I think you need to tell her that you are too fond of her to just be friends.
Exactly, this is not a friendship at all, this is a guy that is 'settling' for friendship YET doesnt actually want to be friends with her, the relationship actually doesnt make sense. If I were him I would dial it down significantly and just treat her as a co-worker.
Sounds like you never wanted to be "just friends" with her and were harboring the hope of dating her, so you decided to play the "nice guy" while you bided your time.
Just be a professional and treat her like a coworker.
It sounds like you weren't completely honest with her about being "just friends," and she's trying to shove you into the typical "friend" role, by talking about her new relationship, which is probably very exciting to her. But it also sounds like she's not respecting your boundaries. You have a right to withdraw.
Yes, it's probably going to tick her off. Because, honestly, not talking about your relationships is not a normal rule to have between friends. I can understand maybe agreeing to disagree about political topics or mutual acquaintances on whom you have a split opinion, but you want a friendship that excludes a topic that can represent a significant part of a person's life.
Your expectations for the friendship were unrealistic, and that was mainly because you were her friend because you were secretly hoping she'd change her mind.
Nope, I can deal with her missing out on dating me, I can't deal with thinking about it every day.
Everyone else here is right. You weren't honest about wanting to be "just friends." Be honest with her and tell her the real reason why you don't want to hear about her newest relationship. Stop trying to make it sound like her fault because that's what friends do for each other, they listen to each other's latest troubles and give advice. The reason you're upset is your fault because you're not being honest.
I'm not trying to be her best friend. To me only the best of friends have any obligation to listen to and support their friends through things that make them uncomfortable. That said I'm not trying to be with her, she turned me down and that's her loss, I was done with that idea pretty soon after she did that.
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