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Old 11-27-2013, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 6,757,478 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
To put it bluntly, your sister is a wackadoo.
I think the OP already realizes that.
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Old 11-27-2013, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,453,015 times
Reputation: 16765
Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
Agree 100%. But the issue is that its a "service" dog. If it were a regular old dog, I would just say--"Hey can you leave it at home?" The fact that she insists its "medically necessary" (when my other sibling and I know damn well it isn't) holds everyone hostage. If we object, she freaks out that she is disabled and needs the dog. If we don't, we are stuck resenting that the dog is spending time in my rather small and very urban apartment (no yard, no easy access to a pee space). I tried saying "Oh, my building isn't pet friendly" and she called the management office and got special approval to bring her "service dog".

I am stuck with it. I don't like it. I just need strategies to deal with it.
It sounds like if its "official" or not, the dog acts as a service dog to her. Maybe he is the calm center,and helps with anxieties. If he was a pet and didn't have that strong a connection he would go to boarding for the weekend.

If he is helping her, then why not just be glad for her that she has the dog? Sometimes travel is stressing and maybe having him makes the trip more managable for her. Maybe she wouldn't come at all if you refused.

If you don't like pets then you wouldn't understand the bond between them and their people. I have no desire to travel myself. I'd just worry about my critters and would need someone to house sit them. Last time I had my dog in a kennel she came home filthy and scared.
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Old 11-27-2013, 04:30 PM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,272,588 times
Reputation: 3848
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
Uhm if that happened in my family, WWIII would break out that minute.

This is the holidays. Everyone is geared up for a certain amount of familial angst. I am getting ready to join my siblings and their pain in the aZZ kids shortly. They will undoubtedly do some wild **** that gets on my last nerves. But close the door in their face? NEVER.

My brother, with whom I do not get along well, showed up on my doorstep when I first moved to LA. I did not want him there. He stayed for a week with no sign of leaving. I finally told him he had to go. That started a 5 year dramarama with all of my relatives. Some families are like that. Its not worth stirring the pot. It creates more problems than it solves.
So if it wasn't worth stirring it, would you have let your brother stay indefinitely, even if he meant that five years later, he was still living in your house?

And it wasn't closing the door in her sister's face - it was closing the door in her dog's face. It's absolutely and completely inappropriate to insist that a dog stay in someone's home and be able to climb all over their furniture, and that furthermore, the host must provide bowls for the pet's food and water, and whatever else the sister decides the host must do for her and her dog. If family thinks that the sister should just be steamrolled and allow her furniture and carpeting to get all screwed up, then it may not be a bad idea to not have much to do with that family.

All I know is, I'm very, very happy that my family isn't like this at all. No one would ever show up at my door uninvited and expect to stay the night, and no one would ever presume to bring their dogs or, for that matter, invite themselves over. It's so nice.
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Old 11-27-2013, 07:46 PM
 
1,594 posts, read 1,689,242 times
Reputation: 1688
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah View Post
Service dogs are NOT used for mental issues - those are companion animals and they do good work, e.g. for autistic kids ir vets with PTSD.
Why do people say things like this when they obviously dont know what they are talking about?

According to the ADA:

Service animals are defined as dogs that are individually trained to do work or perform tasks for people with disabilities. Examples of such work or tasks include guiding people who are blind, alerting people who are deaf, pulling a wheelchair, alerting and protecting a person who is having a seizure, reminding a person with mental illness to take prescribed medications, calming a person with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) during an anxiety attack, or performing other duties. Service animals are working animals, not pets. The work or task a dog has been trained to provide must be directly related to the person’s disability. Dogs whose sole function is to provide comfort or emotional support do not qualify as service animals under the ADA.

http://www.ada.gov/service_animals_2010.htm
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Old 11-27-2013, 10:04 PM
 
2,717 posts, read 1,748,905 times
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I'll just be echoing what most people have said. I think the main problem is the OP and her unwillingness to stand up for herself. So the sister says I'm bringing the dog, no matter what, refuses to stay in a motel and expects the OP to provide food bowls when she has no animals because the sister can't be bothered to carry them herself.

Sorry, but I honestly don't know why people are such wimps. I understand you have to compromise at times to keep family peace, but this woman is beyond compromise. OP should just say, sorry, no dog. End of story. Oh, you refuse to get a hotel? Too bad, you're not coming in my place. Now what? Is the sister going to call the police? Last time I checked, you have a right to refuse entry to people at your own home.

And to the people here that think it's unreasonable to exclude the dog or think your dog is a child and makes a suitable "guest", some people don't like animals. That's their right. If you can't understand that, you should stay home.
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Old 11-27-2013, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,310,225 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike930 View Post
I'll just be echoing what most people have said. I think the main problem is the OP and her unwillingness to stand up for herself. So the sister says I'm bringing the dog, no matter what, refuses to stay in a motel and expects the OP to provide food bowls when she has no animals because the sister can't be bothered to carry them herself.

Sorry, but I honestly don't know why people are such wimps. I understand you have to compromise at times to keep family peace, but this woman is beyond compromise. OP should just say, sorry, no dog. End of story. Oh, you refuse to get a hotel? Too bad, you're not coming in my place. Now what? Is the sister going to call the police? Last time I checked, you have a right to refuse entry to people at your own home.

And to the people here that think it's unreasonable to exclude the dog or think your dog is a child and makes a suitable "guest", some people don't like animals. That's their right. If you can't understand that, you should stay home.
I don't know if you do understand that.

Again, its the holidays. Families are nuts. The OP said this holiday is important to another sibling. The sister described in this thread sounds beyond redemption-- wimp or no, the OP sounds like she is dealing with someone who has serious narcissistic traits. If that is the case, nothing will change this person. She will insist that she is the center of the universe. The OP would have to either cut her out of her life altogether or accept that she has some real serious personality problems and move on with her day. The visit described is a short one. To me, the OP is dealing with it pragmatically.

Why is everyone on here so quick to posture and draw the line in the sand? There is something to be said for diplomacy. I wonder sometimes if many of the posters to CD actually carry out the strategies they propose here. It seems like a lot of y'all are fussin and fighting, slamming doors and throwing down the gauntlet in each and every interaction. Makes me tired to read sometimes.

And if the sister is a narcissist, those issues are often based in deep anxiety. Maybe the dog does help to calm her down.
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Old 11-28-2013, 01:42 AM
 
16,487 posts, read 20,993,443 times
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Your sister's dog doesn't sound at all like a well trained service dog, such as a dog that would aid a blind person. Most anyone can get a doctor to sign a paper that states you need to have a cat or a dog for mental stability. You do not need to have a license, the dog needs no training, you can just go get a dog and keep it. Poeple that live in apartments that do not allow pets will sometimes do this and the owner/manager cannot stop them from having the animal. Sounds like your sister may fall into this category.
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Old 11-28-2013, 07:59 AM
 
2,717 posts, read 1,748,905 times
Reputation: 3313
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
I don't know if you do understand that.

Again, its the holidays. Families are nuts. The OP said this holiday is important to another sibling. The sister described in this thread sounds beyond redemption-- wimp or no, the OP sounds like she is dealing with someone who has serious narcissistic traits. If that is the case, nothing will change this person. She will insist that she is the center of the universe. The OP would have to either cut her out of her life altogether or accept that she has some real serious personality problems and move on with her day. The visit described is a short one. To me, the OP is dealing with it pragmatically.

Why is everyone on here so quick to posture and draw the line in the sand? There is something to be said for diplomacy. I wonder sometimes if many of the posters to CD actually carry out the strategies they propose here. It seems like a lot of y'all are fussin and fighting, slamming doors and throwing down the gauntlet in each and every interaction. Makes me tired to read sometimes.

And if the sister is a narcissist, those issues are often based in deep anxiety. Maybe the dog does help to calm her down.
Diplomacy only works if both sides are willing to give at least a little. The OP's sister, as she describes her, won't give an inch. I think you are right in saying that nothing will change her, but a bit Pollyannaish to think all can be solved amicably.

Sometimes you do have to draw a line in the sand. If the situation is as described, it's not so quick to posture, it's a matter of what you want to put up with. Why would anyone want to deal with such a person, family or not?

There are two choices here:

1) OP accepts the sister for who she is and stops complaining, knowing that every whim and need of the sister must be met without question.

2) Stand your ground, make your rules (it is your house) and stick to it. If it disrupts everything, it's on the sister. If the family blames OP, they are just as bad as the sister.

If the holiday is so important to one sibling, let them host. I wouldn't open the door for the sister and call the police for trespassing if she persisted.

And to answer the question if people would actually take their own advice, the answer for me is yes.

My oldest sister is very similar to the one described here, but without the dog. Everything had to be her way, no compromise and a very negative, nasty person who went out of her way to make everyone miserable. I drew the same line. You're welcome, but here are the rules while you're here. She would not abide by them, wanted her own way and kept up with the bad behavior. We cut ties and I haven't spoken to her for 25 years.

My mother was not happy, but understood. My mother has since passed away and all that's left are the siblings. I have another sister I get along with, but the eldest has alienated everyone and is alone the last time I heard. That's her choice.

Why allow someone to ruin the holidays and run all over you? Cutting ties was the best hing I ever did, life is much more pleasant without her.
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Old 11-30-2013, 01:07 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,553,019 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedasusual View Post
My sister had an injury over 15 years ago that required physical therapy. She is a bit of a pet hoarder with three to five cats at any given time and a dog or two in her small home. In recent years, she has become very involved in the training of service dogs-- I think she even gives a class in her local area. She also travels with a service dog for "mobility".

My sister has no issues with walking or being mobile. I have never seen nor heard of her having a problem. The "service dog" au currant is a rescue who is exceedingly timid and gets underfoot due to this timidity: hardly an animal to help with mobility. The dog supposedly "alerts" when someone is ill: for example, he sniffed my face once, and I was told that I was getting a sinus infection. I thought he was just being friendly but what do I know...

The dog goes with her everywhere and she gets very huffy if anyone questions the validity of her need for it. Its about 50 lbs, so a good sized dog. They will both be staying with me over the holidays. I am NOT a dog person but it does no good to try and resist that the dog will be coming as its "medically necessary." I would like to keep the dog off my furniture and keep the dog-related hair and smell to a minimum. The dog is pretty well-behaved, but my sister is very vocal about her right and need to have this dog as a constant companion. It can create some awkward moments as she is more than willing to get into a confrontation with anyone who doesn't approach the dog correctly. Any tips on how to deal with this? I don't want to be offensive, but I need to set up some boundaries.
How funny. I just saw this thread after writing my own post on the subject of dogs.

I like dogs. Yet there is a subculture of people who think it's their absolute right to haul their dogs everywhere they go, as if they are honorary people. Never mind that one person in seven is allergic. These people just think there's something wrong with people who don't automatically want a dog in their homes.

What's more, asking someone if you can bring your dog and getting a 'yes' isn't the same thing as the dog being invited. Many people will say 'yes' to just be polite. Yet if they had their druthers, they wouldn't want your dog to come. I'm surprised how few dog people really get that.

Your sister sounds like one of those people, using the service dog label as a way to legitimize rude behavior.

Last edited by cpg35223; 11-30-2013 at 01:17 AM..
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Old 11-30-2013, 01:10 AM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,553,019 times
Reputation: 45984
Quote:
Originally Posted by Back to NE View Post
Confused, you sound like you are itching for a fight (with your sister) on something that is a small matter. If my sibling thought 'I' was welcome in his home but not my dog... then translation, 'I' am not welcome and would not stay with him.

This may not be true of you but if someone makes alot of stipulations and demands on guests in their home, they should not be having guests.
Well, this is ridiculous. A dog is an animal. And the 'service dog' doesn't seem to behave like a true service dog. It doesn't seem to occur to you that the guest is the entitled one making the imposition.
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