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Old 11-26-2013, 11:20 AM
 
95 posts, read 344,089 times
Reputation: 109

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This situation is going to kill me. I live in a 2 bedroom home with my mother and son. I do all the cooking, cleaning, provide escort, grocery shopping, remind on appointments, etc. She bought the home because she wanted one. We moved to another state where she could afford a home because she wanted one. My son picked the city we live in. I want my son to be happy and cannot afford to live another 30 years in a dysfunctional family but this is killing me no matter what I try.

She insists on keeping the house at 62 and tells us to "put on more clothing" if we say its cold in the house for us. She wears long johns 10 months out of the year in addition to a fleece pullover and another 2 shirts.

My son will ask her to play a game and she refuses, she complains about him making too much noise, not eating enough, having a bad attitude, and other daily crap. She insists on doing everyone's laundry rather than let me take care of me and my son's stuff.

I cook for everyone then she says it's not what she wanted so I fix her something else. The town we moved to does not have a good transit system so I have to walk up to 3 miles to the store and back depending on what we want. I don't have a car or a job so it's not like I can up and leave.

Her personal habits are disgusting. I know she is my mother but one still needs to have some dignity. My son likes his school so I have to make this work.

If you live in a multigenerational household how do you do it?
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:21 AM
 
1,420 posts, read 2,621,599 times
Reputation: 2244
Where's the kid's dad?
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:24 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,379,191 times
Reputation: 39005
Her house, her rules!

If you don't like the living arrangements, get a job and move out.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:30 AM
 
95 posts, read 344,089 times
Reputation: 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Her house, her rules!

If you don't like the living arrangements, get a job and move out.

Can't get a job unless I can get someone to take my spot here. She refuses to do her own shopping, go out of the house without an escort, and she doesn't cook anymore.

Her house, her rules applies to a limit when it was to be "our" house and a home for my son.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Geneva, IL
12,982 posts, read 12,191,784 times
Reputation: 14815
Same old same old, it's the same complaints as under your old user name. What have you done to change your situation? A home, food, security, family, and yet still complaints.

Be proactive, be positive, be a good role-model for your child.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:32 AM
 
10,362 posts, read 8,324,888 times
Reputation: 19087
Do you have any personal income? It's your mother's house, so she gets to call the shots - to a point. It sounds as if you are being an unpaid drudge/Cinderella, and I am sure that's not what you want. But - it's her house, and if you are not paying rent, paying your share of household bills, groceries, etc. - then she is providing you and your son a home and definitely gets to say how she wants things to be.

So - can you find a job, even part-time? Do you have a bicycle, or can you find a cheap one at a thrift shop? Can you have a garage or yard sale when spring comes? Do you have a separate savings or checking account? Do you receive child support or other assistance for your son? Is your mother bankrolling you and your son at present? Do you and your son have health insurance? Is your mother on Medicare or Medicaid?

It sounds as if your situation is becoming increasingly untenable, so start doing whatever is necessary to
physically remove yourself from it. It might be quite possible to find a reasonably priced rental house or apartment close by, so you can keep an eye on your mother and help her appropriately - but your present situation is not good for anyone.

How old is your mother, and how old is your son? You mention not wanting to live as you are for another 30 years - what's up with that?? Surely your son will be grown long before then. Is it likely your mother will still be living in 30 years? What about your own future??

Is there a senior citizen agency of some kind in your community, which might offer some help? How is your mother's health in general? Is she mobile? Does she get out of the house at all? Do you have a church which could help in some way?
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:58 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,379,191 times
Reputation: 39005
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHitchhiker View Post
Her house, her rules applies to a limit when it was to be "our" house and a home for my son.
Sorry, but it cannot be your house too when you are not paying the mortgage or the bills.
When she is paying the heating bill, she gets to decide the thermostat setting.
When she is buying the groceries, she gets to decide the menu.
Most people are happy when someone else wants to do all the laundry.

Either you buck up and accept how good you actually have it... or move out.
Your choice.
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Old 11-26-2013, 11:58 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
11,124 posts, read 20,225,810 times
Reputation: 26297
It sounds like you need your mother as much as she needs you. The two of you can try to make the best of it, or you can get a job and move out, but it sounds like you would still need to help her.

My suggestion is to get a job during school hours. It doesn't have to be a fabulous job...see if you can work in the school cafeteria, or apply at the grocery store, just something to get you out of the house and around other adults for a few hours every day. This will save your sanity. At the same time, it will give you a little income. Buy a bicycle to get around. Offer to help with the bills for the house. Once you are helping to pay the utilities, you should have a say in how warm the house can be kept.
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Old 11-26-2013, 12:10 PM
 
95 posts, read 344,089 times
Reputation: 109
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Sorry, but it cannot be your house too when you are not paying the mortgage or the bills.
When she is paying the heating bill, she gets to decide the thermostat setting.
When she is buying the groceries, she gets to decide the menu.
Most people are happy when someone else wants to do all the laundry.

Either you buck up and accept how good you actually have it... or move out.
Your choice.

She's not buying the food...I am. I do the cooking. And, no, I am not happy when someone else does my laundry nor is my son happy when his shirts get ruined. I make a little money online and in odd jobs when she doesn't have/want to go somewhere.
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Old 11-26-2013, 12:46 PM
 
3,072 posts, read 4,248,444 times
Reputation: 6511
Well, you choose to be in this situation. Feel free to gripe all you want, but you've made the choice. Obviously there is some codependency going on here.

We live in a multi-generational house, with my father-in-law. At 70 and set in his ways, I accept him for who he is and go about my life.

Don't know the whole story and if multi-usernames going on then I just guess you'll have to live with it until you are ready to take charge of your life.
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