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Old 11-27-2013, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Europe
1,618 posts, read 2,771,636 times
Reputation: 1100

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I have some friends who don't live in my town, some of them lived always in other cities and some of them have moved recently.

The thing is, sometimes I feel it is really dificult to have new about them by direct communication (not counting FB updates and pics) people seem to forget about others when you are not around, some examples:

1. I have a friend in other city 3 hours driving, we live always separate and we used to spend summers in the same village, she used to answer my sms just 20% of the times, now with FB chat and other apps she NEVER reply to me so I stopped communicating. When we meet personally in this village I am sure she will be as usual friendly and wanting to know about my life... but why doesn't she replies to me then? I feel it is hypocrital.

2. Another friend moved to Barcelona 6 months ago (6 hour driving from here) she replies to me more or less 30% of the times and she used to tell when I come back for a break to the hometown we can meet one of the days the thing is: she came and never wrote to me, I wrote her and she never replied. Sometimes when we chat (before this) she invited me to visit her some days. How come will I visite her if she ignores me?? Another hypocrital fact.

3. This friend lives in my town, we were classmates at university, we see each other twice every three months more or less, most of the times we don't meet because she doesn't reply to my calls or messages, we were planning a short trip last year and it wasn't done because she always cancelled the apponitments to organize it (because she had hangover) so I gave up. But she seems to be still exciting about this trip...


Why people are so lazy? don't they realized they are being rude? My mind has changed a lot in the last year due to this reasons and I am losing contact with some friends. Or doing less plans than I used to.

I also start doing things by myself (museums, cinema etc) if I wait for people to make plans sometimes I could never do it.

Do you also have these kind of friends?
Is this normal and I am like extraterrestrial because I see it rude?
Are too many people with this lazinness around you?

Discuss
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Old 11-27-2013, 07:36 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,484,068 times
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They are not lazy.
They just don't see the relationship to be a close as you see it.

Friends change (as do you!), and many move one/drop out of your life.
That's normal.
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Old 11-27-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Europe
1,618 posts, read 2,771,636 times
Reputation: 1100
I though about it, maybe they don't see it as a friendship but at the same time when we are personally face by face they plan trips, meals and activities with me.... strange.
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Old 11-27-2013, 09:05 AM
 
12,870 posts, read 15,354,667 times
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When you see your friends do you make the best of the time you're together, or do you spend it planning activities for the future?..Sometimes people have a hard time saying no..maybe that's why they make plans, but unbeknownst to you, they already KNOW they'll never be there.
Sometimes it's best to just enjoy a friendship in the here and now.
Sometimes that's the only way a friendship can survive...no plans, no expectations, and no pressure.
Just enjoy them when they DO come around, but don't plan your life around anyone but yourself.
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Old 11-27-2013, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,995 posts, read 21,643,332 times
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It is hard when people move away. I notice some people try to keep up friendships, others don't. As others have stated, maybe they don't see it as a close friendship as you do.

On the opposite end when we moved, people that I thought were my closest friends, failed to keep in touch. Others who I thought were mere acquaintances, made a huge effort to keep our friendship going.
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Old 11-27-2013, 11:54 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,067 posts, read 8,325,737 times
Reputation: 11540
Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
It is hard when people move away. I notice some people try to keep up friendships, others don't. As others have stated, maybe they don't see it as a close friendship as you do.

On the opposite end when we moved, people that I thought were my closest friends, failed to keep in touch. Others who I thought were mere acquaintances, made a huge effort to keep our friendship going.
I experienced this too when I moved. Some people stay in touch and others fade out and it's not always the people you expect. I don't think your friends are trying to hurt your feelings on purpose or ignore you. I think it's just an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. You're just not their priority. I think you just have to accept it for what it is. If you're going to be in town, send them a message and see if they want to make plans. If they don't reply, then just move on. Not much else you can do. You can't force someone to keep a friendship going.
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Old 11-27-2013, 05:14 PM
 
399 posts, read 545,204 times
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I have the same problem, especially with my family. I think it was like this my whole life, but I was forced to realize it when my mom died. No more denial, I had one-way relationships with my family and friends. That is, I was always the one calling, planning get togethers, trying to help them, so on always reaching out to them. They took me for granted. I realized, in counseling, they had never really been accepting of the real me anyway. This was so painful (still is).
But, what I am doing now is, when I see one of them in town (where I normally would have gone out of my way to help) or know anything I might have done in the past to 'kiss their a**), I am now instead going to donate whatever I would have given them to charity. Cuz that's really what it was. A relationship goes two ways. Charity is giving without expecting anything back. I was expecting (hoping) for something back from my family (friendship) that didn't come, so I consider that a charity case now. And I'd rather give to someone who really needs it.
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Old 11-29-2013, 06:13 AM
 
Location: Europe
1,618 posts, read 2,771,636 times
Reputation: 1100
Yes I understand you purplepeach, sometimes people are in touch with other just for own benefit or maybe because of a mutual link, once this link breaks everything dissapear.

I don't have any problem if someone doesn't want to be my friend anymore or if they don't see me as good friend as I see them, but what annoys me is hipocresy and mood changes towards others, things like A don't speak to B not even reply messages but then A invited B to its house for a week. Or today I am your friend for a month and after that I dissapear forever.

Weird humans.
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Old 11-29-2013, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Squirrel Hill PA
1,929 posts, read 1,863,193 times
Reputation: 3925
They are not being lazy and it isn't eve that they don't want to be your friend. But when lives change people move on. It isn't necessarily that you are not friends anymore but you no longer share interests or are involved in one another worlds. it is hard to keep a relationship open when there are no longer any common interests. Friendships come and go throughout our lives. Paths cross and run together, for a time, and then diverge again. Very few last a lifetime. Maybe the real problem is that you are having trouble understanding that it is time to let them go.
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Old 11-29-2013, 09:48 PM
 
134 posts, read 186,327 times
Reputation: 120
Well people shouldn't ignore their friends and they should make attempts to stay in touch and do things together. You can call it laziness but it can be hard to keep in touch. People really should make the effort but sometimes life just gets in the way. They are busy with things like work, family obligations, other obligations that just make it difficult to stay in touch. It's frustrating but try not to take it personally. It's nice that you are at least able to find things that you can do by yourself. On your end, you can always contact those friends every one in a while just to see what they're doing and plan stuff to do with them. Also, try to make an effort to make new friends, frequent new places. If you're into church, maybe find a church that you feel comfortable in. Maybe take a class, find a new hobby. Preferably an activity that will allow you to meet new people. Strike up conversations with strangers. Soon enough, you might find that the tables are turned.
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