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Yes, you should feel angry about this after all these years!
Here's a few other things you should ALSO be angry about:
You haven't won any beauty contests
You haven't won the Powerball/lottery
You weren't born rich
You don't have servants
You don't have perfect health
You won't live forever
You aren't as happy as you'd like to be
Heck, I'm 47 and still mad at my parents for not giving me a second cookie on Saturday December 20th 1969 at 11:07 AM, because they said it would ruin my lunch....haven't spoke to them to this day!
This is a little bit of a tangent. Graduations just don't get the same respect as other milestones in life. When I worked at a large company in Boston, departmental celebrations for marriages and childbirth were the norm but graduations other performance type milestones were pretty much ignored.
Ok people, time to leave the OP alone. She mended the situation with her mom and she probably won't come back to the thread. I don't think she's a monster like you lot do.
Petty? I don't think so. Graduating College is a big deal and one that should be celebrated. When my son graduated HS, his father being the narcissist he is, told his side of the family not to attend the graduation or a party I planned on having for him to celebrate. It was a life/relationship altering experience for my son who even now 4 years later is hurt by his fathers actions. A nice lunch would have been a gesture that could have made your day and after the grind of college, you deserved your moment. MY AH ex didn't even attend my Daughters College Graduation and I will never forgive him for doing that to her.
not sure if anyone was saying that graduating from college was petty but instead it was the op expression of displeasure that her mom didn't have her a party or took her to dinner after the graduation ceremony. remember she didn't even want to go to her own ceremony but it was because of her mom that she went.
I don't know about petty, but it's not going to benefit you to think much about it.
Caretakers of the ill can have it pretty hard. It can drain them dry.
this is very true. I took care of both of parents in my home until they got to a point where I no longer could keep them at home because they got so sick and needed 24hr care. plus I had a job and two boys to raise. I had home health care and private caretakers to help out when I was at work, but it still was very hard. between the stress from work, teenage boys and taking care of my parents,i didn't know if I was going or coming most of the time. its often a thankless and a emotionally draining job and can be very physical. i'm sure this had an impact on her mom that the op didn't understand. my sister couldn't handle seeing my parents sick and declining health so I didn't get too much help from her.
My daughter has been planning her own parties since she was 14, including a college grad dinner for us, her bf and his family, and a few close friends the day after graduation . We (the parents) did pay for dinner but she planned it all, and she always get's exactly the kind of party she wants. I'm not sure if you can learn something from that but I thought I'd throw it out there .
well Colorado Rambler and cheryjohns, I'd say that is pretty harsh... i know i sound petty but and it was years ago and I should let go of the past. I'm not perfect but I've been a good daughter to my mom if I say so myself. It wasn't so much about the celebration. But it would have been nice to have someone cheer me up when I was feeling down. I would have been perfectly fine if I had not gone to the ceremony because I would not have had the chance to dwell on this. But the only reason I went was because of mom. I wasn't expecting a big affair or anything, I would have been happy even if it was just the 2 of us. But it would have been nice to have something nice afterwards to get my mind off the whole thing. If I care enough to insist you attend your graduation, then why not try to make it a nice memorable day? Anyway I agree that it's in the past and I should learn to get over it.
Parents often don't do the thing the child needs. This is a fact of life. Is your mom a grad? Perhaps she simply cannot relate to how you felt then. It sounds as if she has a full plate as it is, if she is a full time caregiver, who has to arrange for time off. Is she tired a lot? Does she have to count her pennies?
And, just so you know, a lot of us didn't have fab college experiences. I know I was miserable a lot. I don't think your misery is so unusual, and of course it is hard to imagine how you are going to find a job after. I well remember those feelings.
Since you have a good relationship with your mom, I think you should treasure that, and be thankful for it. Try to forgive her for not understanding what you needed from her. But remember, that you were also sending mixed signals yourself.
And since you understand what it is like to be under appreciated, you will be in a good position to give appreciation to others who might not normally receive it. You would certainly have empathy for others in similar situations. Use your experience as a gift.
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