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I think people thrive on a certain amount of negativity and honestly, they should. Life is just as horrible as it is beautiful, and I tend to be more wary of people who are blindly positive about everything.
When I'm feeling negative, I do the same as Hedgehog_Mom. I leave people alone and just go through my own process without affecting everyone else. Not everyone does this, because, well misery loves company. people want others to coddle them and feel sorry for them. When a friend complains to me, it's easy to give into their emotions but being a good friend means quietly sitting while someone complains, no matter how much or often they have to do it. I don't respond. I don't tell them what they should do. I just let them know I'm here for them. And guess what? The subject changes almost immediately, because they've said all they could, and I'm not contributing to their negativity, just balancing it with my understanding.
Life really sucks sometimes, and it's important to communicate that with other people. I don't know what I would do without my best friend. He and I have spent HOURS being negative, and it is some of the most constructive negativity, because I feel lighter and like I can accomplish anything afterward. A friend who would ignore me because I'm being negative isn't really a friend. A friend who is there for me and honest when I'm being too negative? I'll keep them.
Because complaining is a great way to vent about the things that bother us. Unfortunately, it's a lot more fun to be the complainer and bad for the Complainee.
But yeah, some people have an "itch to scratch" and feel a lot better letting frustration out and expressing their emotions. They just have to find someone who can tolerate it,
It depends on my relationship with them. If its a social acquaintance then I don’t develop the relationship any further. If it’s a good friend going through a rough patch I’ll allow them their bout of negativity until I notice it’s becoming all they talk about. That usually takes me awhile Then I’ll say something because I value the relationship and don’t want to end up dreading our time together.
If it’s a work or volunteer colleague, and it’s affecting my mood or overall morale, then I’ll mention it to them as diplomatically as possible. “Hey Jane, I know this is a tough time for you/frustrating project to work on. I don’t know if you realize it, but you’ve been a bit negative lately and it’s starting to affect morale. Is there something I (we) can do to help?” Unfortunately, most people don’t take even the gentlest of constructive criticism very well. They will likely become defensive, deny any wrongdoing, blame the other person for “hating,” and won’t change their behavior. The point is to tell them how their negativity is affecting you, then sit back and see what happens. Give them the benefit of the doubt; change is possible but only if you mention the problem first or they won’t know what’s bothering you. No one should end a friendship or relationship unless they’ve aired their grievances first and allowed the other person to make amends. If the other person is in complete denial and refuses to make changes, then you can walk away with a clear conscience knowing you tried to salvage the friendship by being honest.
The original post may be 5 years old but people’s perspectives and advice still apply. In fact maybe more so, as people have become more negative in the past 5 years.
Does it seem like people are more negative than ever before?. I mean there are people who no matter what is going on finds something negative to say about it. There could be a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end of it and there would be somebody saying that there isnt enough gold in the pot.
I know people like this and I try to keep my distance from them. Anyone else know people like this?
Walk away from them and tell them why you're doing it. You'll be surprised how quickly most people change. Most people who do this don't realize what energy vampires they are.
That's not to say you can't have an honest opinion of something. But when a person believes that nothing is good or nothing good can possibly happen, then that is a person who has allowed their worldview to color everything in life. They have become the destroyers of happiness in the room.
I had a friend like this once. The friendship only lasted a few years, and after he moved away I made zero effort to keep in touch. He frequently painted himself as a victim, and talked about how "unfair" everybody treated him as though he was 5 years old. He made a lot of bad decisions in life, but anytime someone offered him advice they were "wrong" and subject to being complained about. Then he couldn't figure out why he kept losing friends. No thanks, I don't need any of that in my life...
I can't maintain friendships like this. And I've told people that. Yes, we all vent or feel negative sometimes. And we want a safe place to unload or to find some compassion or support. But if I am constantly someone else's sounding board, then I'm getting nothing from this relationship. If I'm not getting paid to be your therapist or whipping boy, then forget it If they are coworkers or family members, I just make small positive comments in return until they change the topic or until I get to move away politely.
The only problem is some of these people are in positions of authority, God help anyone who has to deal with bosses like this who are always negative.
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If they are coworkers or family members, I just make small positive comments in return until they change the topic or until I get to move away politely.
