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Old 12-02-2013, 03:02 PM
Location: Texas
43,562 posts, read 52,678,186 times
Reputation: 70824


Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
This is more of a vent, I have had it with my mom. I am in my forties, family happy. However my mom will not stop "mothering" me when she comes to visit.
  • I cant do laundry right
  • My house isn't cleaned good enough
  • I am too fat
  • My son doesn't have enough friends
  • My daughter is chubby (she isn't!)

I could go on forever. This last visit she just didn't stop for five days. I was angry and snipping the entire time. When it was time to say goodbye she told me how I hurt her by being so nasty. I told her how I was fed up with her treating me like I am five. She needs to let me go and be happy who I am as an adult.

Mom then tells me she is disappointed and I have let her down. She had higher expectations for me. I am floored, hurt and angry. She is OCD clean, I will never be her, and she just can't let it go. She and my sister haven't talked for years because of this, now my mom has turned on me. I will continue with a relationship with her because she has no one else, but right now I could care less to see her again.

She is not a nice person and only sees the bad in everyone and everything.
That would be more than enough reason for me never to invite my mother over to my house ever again.
You don't have to put up with that kind of abuse, you know.
Of course, you might choose to because you want to keep your relationship with mommy intact no matter how destructive it is. The woman faces zero consequences for acting like a total witch.
Pardon me for acting more like a guy who wants to fix your problem than a woman who will kindly and patiently just listen to your vent, but you have 100% control of this situation and could fix it if you want to.
Peace and blessings this holiday season!
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Old 12-02-2013, 04:03 PM
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,186,753 times
Reputation: 4297
Originally Posted by kab0906 View Post
I've said it before and I'll say it again - just because people are relatives doesn't obligate you to having a relationship with them. You can't choose your family but you *can* choose your happiness.
As an offspring of multiple generations of toxicity, I found my coping mechanisms - my choice, my responsibility. However, I have to ask parents what they think their kids take away from seeing their folks grow silent or angry toward the toxic person. What does it teach the child(ren) that they will take into their own adulthood? That's why, when it comes to mates or children, if the toxic person turns on them, or if the parent finds themself having to defend the child, I channel Picard

The toxic people in my family have had little contact with their grandchildren and great-grandchildren. That is the means used to protect them and to tell the toxic person "my children and grandchildren are not going to be subject - even second hand - to what I had to deal with. If you want the privilege (the toxic person fumes that it is their "right" to see the youngsters no matter how nasty they might act toward them) of seeing your begets, you'll have to change your behavior."

Not even that swayed them. It just made them more angry. So, tough toenails. They feel they're toxic behavior is sacrosanct? They have to deal with the consequences.
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Old 12-04-2013, 05:02 AM
10,355 posts, read 9,382,296 times
Reputation: 15956
After 40 years of emotional bullying, she isn't going to stop now. The OP has a choice: continue with this toxic relationship or cut the cord.

Yes, that sounds harsh, but with some people that is the only way to end the misery.
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