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Old 12-04-2013, 09:23 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 4,049,892 times
Reputation: 6149

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I earlier took up for Grandma & I do still somewhat, but at the same time, this discussion has taken a decisively anti-cell phone stance, and I must say, I've never much cared for that when it's taken to extremes. As is the case with many other things, a little balance is called for.

To wit--if someone is totally engrossed in their phone or book or TV or whatever ignoring someone who's trying to talk to them, say something. But if they're just glancing at their phone periodically and otherwise they're participating in the conversations somewhat, then stop hassling them and acting like they committed the grand offense of all-time. That ESPECIALLY goes for adults, who deserve a little respect regardless of what you think of their behavior, simply because they're adults.

I totally agree that on such a day people ought to make a point to somewhat engage & not as much background things going on to distract from that, and certainly grandma ought to be able to see much of her family. Even so, I don't think such has to mean a total abolition of cell phones altogether, and moreover adults ought to be given the benefit of the doubt and not be accosted at the table or door about giving up their phones.

In fact, dare I say it--I am a pretty avid smartphone user, and even if I am not going to be on it constantly, still, you are NOT getting your hands on my phone. This whole thing of having people surrendering their phones--oh heck no, not going to happen. What else, should I give up my wallet and car keys while I'm at it? That's my personal property, and you're NOT getting your hands on it. Period.

I engage in conversation myself, in fact, just last Thanksgiving, we had people over & I was enough engaged in conversation that I probably barely noticed my phone for a good 2 hours. However, had I done so, no one would've given me a hard time about it. We don't do that. Moreover, had someone been demanding I couldn't, automatically I would've become defensive about the nonsense. As that one person said--it may be so & so's house, but this isn't Alcatraz either. As an adult, I'm not going to be bossed around about petty nonsense, this isn't kindegarten and I'm not a 5 year old, and no, someone saying "well then ACT like one" doesn't change that, such is just an excuse for hassling someone with whom you don't agree. My age BY ITSELF means I'm an adult and entitled to adult treatment. Period.

I think the proper thing is to address case-by-case "drifting off," not a total abolition. I understand, really--a really downright vulgar example of that was when my wife & I went to see a longtime elderly friend of hers in the hospital pretty much DYING, and a young 11 year old or so was in there--his grandmother DYING, you understand--and the whole time he is totally engrossed in his GameBoy or whatever. Now with that, I share the sentiments expressed, I wanted to SMACK him.

But by the same token, there are those like me who really are good at engaging in conversations while still glancing at my smartphone every now & then, with no one giving me any hassle over it. Frankly--leave me alone. You aren't my mother and have no business hassling me. I'm easily as engaged, if not more so, compared to someone who's there but watching the TV that's on, not really participating in any conversation. No one is giving them any hassle, so why should I, just because my choice of reading or watching material is a phone vs a TV?

 
Old 12-04-2013, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
14,968 posts, read 4,769,775 times
Reputation: 8039
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
If you live in a world of battling for and demanding rights then you would not understand..
In a loving family we all try as hard as we can to do for the others..
The shirt was just an example that if Grandma gets senile and that makes her happy
we would all humor her and laugh about it..
People like the Dissenter won't realize or appreciate that until Grandma has passed away. I could not agree more with the comment. My grandparents have passed away, but I showed them respect and appreciation when they were alive as most people do.
 
Old 12-04-2013, 09:37 PM
 
811 posts, read 1,034,004 times
Reputation: 1432
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Can you spell Narcissistic ???

Have you ever done things just for someone else??

In our family the elders are honored..Period..
If Grandma didn't want anyone wearing red to the dinner table we would happily go change ...seriously..
That sounds like a Bollywood family. You know, they generally hold hands and sing songs in grandma's honour.

I actually shed a tear. Hasn't happened since Titanic
 
Old 12-04-2013, 09:44 PM
 
811 posts, read 1,034,004 times
Reputation: 1432
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I really, really hope that all your elderly relatives leave you in their will is a bag phone.
That's actually a good point. Most of those sucking up to the elderly are actually hoping for some handout "at the end".

If I'm entitled to get 100K when big mamma kicks the bucket, hell I'll never wear a red shirt until I die
 
Old 12-04-2013, 10:16 PM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,458,665 times
Reputation: 28900
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
Can you spell Narcissistic ???

Have you ever done things just for someone else??

In our family the elders are honored..Period..
If Grandma didn't want anyone wearing red to the dinner table we would happily go change ...seriously..

I love my SO's granny. She's 98, still whip-smart, dances at all the weddings, and in general is a pip to be around. My only fear is that I will hurt her when I hug her!
 
Old 12-05-2013, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,562 posts, read 33,276,704 times
Reputation: 32109
Quote:
Originally Posted by chessgeek View Post
People like the Dissenter won't realize or appreciate that until Grandma has passed away. I could not agree more with the comment. My grandparents have passed away, but I showed them respect and appreciation when they were alive as most people do.
Actually all my grandparents are dead. Still I would not let any of them push me around in that manner even if I got one more day with any of them.

Quote:
If you live in a world of battling for and demanding rights then you would not understand..
In a loving family we all try as hard as we can to do for the others..
The shirt was just an example that if Grandma gets senile and that makes her happy
we would all humor her and laugh about it..
What the hell do you think I do everyday living in the United States?

Doing for others and not letting people bully you around are not mutually exclusive.
 
Old 12-05-2013, 12:22 AM
 
Location: North Phoenix/Moon Valley
993 posts, read 2,547,395 times
Reputation: 1330
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Expected? I'd wonder what would happen if your kids lived cross country and didn't make it one time a year. I'd love to see you try to "enforce" that on your grown kids.
Two of our children and 5 of the grandchildren do live out of state so naturally we don't expect them to come every year but we do Skype with them on holidays. All the others live near us, so I think you missed my point that if they are at the dinner table, then they already know it is impolite to be on their phones. BTW I don't have to "enforce" anything. I raised my children with manners so they already know what is expected when they come to my house. If you prepare your children when they are growing up then life is better for everyone and there will be no need for "battles".

You might also want to consider that when children are raised with "expectations" and with consistency, they learn to be more self sufficient and have higher self esteem.

I also just realized that maybe I shouldn't have even commented on your post because no matter what someone writes you will always be "The Dissenter".
 
Old 12-05-2013, 12:37 AM
 
8,080 posts, read 13,411,203 times
Reputation: 10322
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Doing for others and not letting people bully you around are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah, an 84 year old grandma is a really scary bully
 
Old 12-05-2013, 01:02 AM
 
Location: Earth
4,506 posts, read 5,467,317 times
Reputation: 4935
THIS!


New Yorkers React to Texting and Walking Service - YouTube
 
Old 12-05-2013, 02:53 AM
 
Location: Chicago
38,690 posts, read 88,978,619 times
Reputation: 29440
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Actually all my grandparents are dead. Still I would not let any of them push me around in that manner even if I got one more day with any of them.
Your grandparents are blessed to have passed on before realizing they begat such vapid progeny.

Chances are you won't remember authoring the exact words quoted above when you're living out your last days. But when your own grandkids treat you like a disease, maybe you'll recognize the spite and vinegar as being remarkably similar to your own when you were their age.

You've still got a lot of living to do, kid. Don't underestimate the importance of family in coping with what life will throw your way. The more you neglect those family bonds now, the harder it will be to strengthen them when it matters.
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