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Old 12-02-2013, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Lake Oswego, Manhattan, Aspen
3,228 posts, read 4,185,281 times
Reputation: 11585

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Such a scene as described in the Original Post goes far beyond Lack of Manners. To me, it speaks of deep character flaws... the kind of flaws so deep they can never be repaired. Basically, these young people were telling Grandma she was of absolutely no importance to them. If they'd slapped her across the face and yelled, "You're less than nothing! Why don't you just crawl off and die, already!", they could not have made her feel more insignificant. To be so unfeeling, you have to be a real piece of work.

I was talking to a psychiatrist in the schvitz at the gym, about sociopaths, one day. She started telling me about exploring the psyche of individuals, and getting to the "Core"... and discovering that at that core there's nothing. "People like that are so dangerous. And there's really nothing to be done."

I'm thinking that at the core of those young people in your family, there's nothing. Dead souls. Maybe this is what happens when kids are shunted-off to daycare centers/preschools/kindergartens... and then to the little concentration camps that pass as 'schools', today. I don't see how a toddler forced to defend himself/herself against physical attacks, on a daily basis, could grow up to be anything but a sociopath. I think many among the current generation are people whose souls were killed in daycare centers. They're just husks of human beings.

But OP is right: the numbers of people like this are growing. And their behavior is growing worse. No compassion/empathy.... It's really sad, and really scary.

 
Old 12-02-2013, 07:29 PM
 
5,681 posts, read 8,084,132 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
My mother, age 84, feelings were hurt on Thanksgiving.

For the first time in years, the extended family were all together for Thanksgiving in New Jersey (just outside of NYC). Mom and Dad are getting on in the years and we don't know how many more holidays we will have with the them in the future. They were looking forward to seeing and TALKING to the Grandchildren at Thanksgiving.

But once the event started no matter how hard we tried we could not get the teens and "20somethings" eyes off of their SmartPhones and to their relatives who wanted to talk to them face to face. Us parents could have done better but they said you had to pick your battles, most of the younger relatives, ages 12-30 did not even want to be there.

So on Thanksgiving day, most of the kids and young adults (ages 13-30) spent most of their time looking at their SmartPhones and texting. Very few of them said anything to their other relatives face to face using actual voices.

Grandma complained when most of them spent most of the time at the actual Thanksgiving dinner table texting. But her complaints fell on deaf ears.

(On Friday we all went into Manhattan and saw lots of other families having Friday's version of Thanksgiving Dinner at Buco di Beppo, a popular place for large family dinners, spending most of their time texting and not talking to their family.

What a sad state of affairs!

I don't understand it either. It was rude, and parents should have taken away phones. The others should have been told to put them away by someone else in the family who they would listen to, or had their phones snatched.
 
Old 12-02-2013, 07:29 PM
 
2,726 posts, read 706,099 times
Reputation: 7004
I agree with Gloria and those who are reluctant/unwilling to accept this sad state of affairs. Yes, I understand that Thanksgiving dinner with Grandma isn't their idea of a hot time. I understand why they wouldn't want to spend every Saturday with Grandma. But once or twice a year on a major holiday?

Sad that every day, even a day to be with family and have some gratitude, is just reduced to more nonstop communion with electronic devices. I have a dumb phone, so it's beyond me to understand the appeal of interactive phones (Time Magazine had an article about inventions---and the cell phone was rated the #1 invention ever---even before computers and cars!). So okay, if people choose to spend their leisure time staring at a small device and moving their thumbs frantically, that's their choice...but this wasn't leisure time. It was family time. At that point, it was their job. It may not be paid (although eventually their relationship with Grandma may result in an inheritance). It's not permanent. It's not 40 hours a week. It's once a year for a few hours! But as with any job, there are certain expectations for behavior. And with most jobs, sulking and just aimlessly using an electronic device isn't acceptable.

It's time to admit the emperor has no clothes...and that this younger generation is completely selfish and incapable of ever modifying their behavior for the greater good or to avoid hurting someone's feelings.

And yes, I understand how texting could be useful to alert the cook in the kitchen that refills on mashed potatoes are needed. I also understand how two legs are useful. With the exception of physically disabled individuals, people can get up and burn a few calories (always a good thing, especially on Thanksgiving), go to the kitchen, and use that other useful device called a mouth and vocal cords to tell the cook that refills are needed...thus spending some time with the person stuck in the kitchen and not treating her like a short-order cook...and helping to bring the mashed potatoes back to the table.

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself that I have no family, but if this is the extent of family interaction, I'm just as well off sitting home on Thanksgiving and posting here on City Data!
 
Old 12-02-2013, 07:37 PM
 
Location: SLC, UT
1,571 posts, read 2,274,258 times
Reputation: 3848
It's too bad the parents couldn't be parents, and take the smartphones out of their kid's hands. For the people who were 18+, they should've been "excused" from the dinner table, and told they could come back when they were finished with their phone conversation (even if it's texts, it's still on the phone). What rude kids.
 
Old 12-02-2013, 07:43 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,573,170 times
Reputation: 45995
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
My mother, age 84, feelings were hurt on Thanksgiving.

For the first time in years, the extended family were all together for Thanksgiving in New Jersey (just outside of NYC). Mom and Dad are getting on in the years and we don't know how many more holidays we will have with the them in the future. They were looking forward to seeing and TALKING to the Grandchildren at Thanksgiving.

But once the event started no matter how hard we tried we could not get the teens and "20somethings" eyes off of their SmartPhones and to their relatives who wanted to talk to them face to face. Us parents could have done better but they said you had to pick your battles, most of the younger relatives, ages 12-30 did not even want to be there.

So on Thanksgiving day, most of the kids and young adults (ages 13-30) spent most of their time looking at their SmartPhones and texting. Very few of them said anything to their other relatives face to face using actual voices.

Grandma complained when most of them spent most of the time at the actual Thanksgiving dinner table texting. But her complaints fell on deaf ears.

(On Friday we all went into Manhattan and saw lots of other families having Friday's version of Thanksgiving Dinner at Buco di Beppo, a popular place for large family dinners, spending most of their time texting and not talking to their family.

What a sad state of affairs!
I'm thinking that you are the parent of some of these teens and 20somethings.

If that is the case, you failed as a parent. Because you can't allow rude behavior 364 days a year and then expect it to magically stop on Thanksgiving. It's your own damned fault.

It starts with having family dinner every night together. At the dinner table, we have these things known as conversations, where people say interesting things to one another. The phones are not allowed at the table. And no one gets up from the table until everyone has finished eating. And, guess what? We actually have fun together.
 
Old 12-02-2013, 07:46 PM
 
28,906 posts, read 46,573,170 times
Reputation: 45995
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spazkat9696 View Post
I don't understand it either. It was rude, and parents should have taken away phones. The others should have been told to put them away by someone else in the family who they would listen to, or had their phones snatched.
I've known a couple of parents who, when faced with kids who were continually engrossed in their mobile devices, simply logged into their family's mobile service provider and turned off their kids' phones. Guess what? The kids figured out in a hurry when they could and couldn't text. Amazing how that works.
 
Old 12-02-2013, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Arlington, VA and Washington, DC
23,553 posts, read 33,276,704 times
Reputation: 32099
Well, I figure about this time it would turn into another bash millennials thread. Right on schedule.

Hell, personally if I didn't want to be there as a independent 20-something, I would not even make the trip there. If seeing grandma and other family isn't important the other 364 days of the year why fake it for even one day out of the year?

Another thing, I believe if I pay for a device, it is my right to use it whenever. If you don't want me using it at your home at all, never mind I have important emails and texts coming in about school and work related crap, I just wont come to your home. Simple as that.

Last edited by The Dissenter; 12-02-2013 at 08:10 PM..
 
Old 12-02-2013, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Chicago
38,690 posts, read 88,978,619 times
Reputation: 29440
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Well, I figure about this time it would turn into another bash millennials thread. Right on schedule...
... and right on schedule, we get another data point that confirms the hypotheses behind the bashing.
 
Old 12-02-2013, 08:03 PM
 
5,681 posts, read 8,084,132 times
Reputation: 5944
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover View Post
... and right on schedule, we get another data point that confirms the hypotheses behind the bashing.
Someone is an attention seeker, and this is not unexpected.

ETA: I'm between my teens and 30s as are the people mentioned in the OP, and I would NEVER do this. I was taught to have respect. I predict in 15 years face to face communication will be dead. Who needs to learn to talk when we can test everything.
 
Old 12-02-2013, 08:09 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 66,998,726 times
Reputation: 22369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover View Post
... and right on schedule, we get another data point that confirms the hypotheses behind the bashing.
No, it just proves that people over 40 don't get how integrated computer chips are into the lives of younger folks.

They are used to multi-tasking in the middle of a group. It is how they do their work at school and how they do their work in the business place -- and it is also a plug in for their social lives. This is NOT an "avoidance" and "lack of intimacy" group of individuals . . . they are all very very connected and stay in close touch with those who they choose to have in their lives.

Everyone will eventually be more like this - including the 84 year olds in the year 2035.
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