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I attend only to close friends and close family. I find it ridiculous to have a wedding with 150 people. Anything over 50-75 attendees is questionable IMO.
I don't attend to weddings of neighbors/coworkers/friends of friends. I rather spend the money for dress/hair/gift on a nice weekend getaway with my partner.
Also, if they expect me to fly somewhere - they better pay me for that. Otherwise I would just say "love to come, but can't afford it." And do it right away so they have more time to plan accordingly.
That's your choice, of course. My wedding had 280 people there, and it was a blast -- but then again, i had a lot of friends from college and work, and I had grown up in a family where our parents had lots of friends -- not to mention all the relatives! I knew them all, and loved having them there. My SIL's wedding had over 500 people -- and it was a BLAST! My husband's family is very well connected in their hometown, so at one point when drawing up the invite list, they just threw up their hands and said, "Oh, hell, just invite everyone!" This was the kind of wedding that married men whose wives were out of town came to on their own -- that's how much fun this family is!
For you to expect someone to pay your airfare so you can grace them with your presence is pretty amazing. If you don't like weddings, don't go. No excuses needed.
Way back when, people tended to stick close to home. Being in your friend's wedding didn't include plane tickets and hotels. Things have changed. The op's friends sound a little clueless and entitled IMO.
This is true - these days, people are scattered all over the country & it's not uncommon to be invited to a wedding that's out of town. So, for a non-close relative or "friend" I'm expected to pay the price of an expensive plane ticket, a hotel room for 1-2 nights, and take time out of my busy schedule for something like this?! S%#$# that...
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 06-05-2015 at 04:05 PM..
This is true - these days, people are scattered all over the country & it's not uncommon to be invited to a wedding that's out of town. So, for a non-close relative or "friend" I'm expected to pay the price of an expensive plane ticket, a hotel room for 1-2 nights, and take time out of my busy schedule for something like this?! S%#$# that...
I'm betting you won't have to decline many requests.
As for the OP, you really must wait until you're asked before you accept or decline. But if you are asked, a straightforward answer, "I'm not able to do it, but I'm pleased that you felt close enough to invite me."
What's wrong with saying you can't afford it if that's the honest reason? A close friend or family member would probably want to know why you wouldn't want to be in their wedding. Who just says "No. Can't. Sorry." and leaves it at that?
No one's wedding has ever been worth the hassle of participating. I'd never do it again, it's a pain in the rear! When I got married, I eloped in part to spare my friends the pain of this awful tradition.
I've been in lots of weddings many years ago when they were a little simpler than they are today.
But still had many wedding showers also being in the wedding had to attend the others showers and bring a gift to those, too. Then the cost of the dress, shoes, accessories and a Wedding Gift !
Several of the couples have since divorced and one friend said she was getting remarried and wanted me in the wedding (ugh again !) I said why don't you just elope ? She had a small second wedding and I was grateful to not be part of the wedding party.
An acquitance/friend I've known for years called and asked me to be in the wedding - ugh ! We weren't close friends and was surprised she asked. She hadn't known this guy very long, I had never met him and I had, too, many things going on and said, I wasn't even sure I could make the wedding so best not to commit to being in the wedding party.
As it turns out I went to the wedding, the guy was really creepy and weird. I was so glad I wasn't in this wedding. Had I agreed and then met the groom, I wouldn't have been able to be in the wedding. A few years later my friend calls and tells me she divorcing him, I said, I'm glad to hear this and she expressed others were, too.
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