U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-07-2013, 09:09 PM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,577,928 times
Reputation: 3651

Advertisements

Tell them to go screw themselves. The plain white box was good enough and you weren't informed of any changes. You were just handled a bill. Let his will sort it out.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-07-2013, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Northern Illinois
2,189 posts, read 3,586,307 times
Reputation: 6336
Frankly, I do not think you are obligated morally or legally to help pay for his final expenses in any way, shape, or form. My mother always used to say somebody would bury you for stink if not for love and frankly this whole thing stinks badly. Who made this decision for the complete funeral? If you had not been in contact really with either brother for such an extended time you really have nothing to go on but his word - but can you trust it or is he playing on your sympathies and sense of honor? Did you agree to give him half (or anything?) I would just tell him upfront that you are struggling to pay your own expenses and his wife will have to find some other means to pay for it - it is her obligation (and any children of theirs) anyway - not his brothers or his father. Did he not have any insurance or benefits of any kind? Again, I would pay nothing, you are NOT your brothers keeper in this life or the next one. I hate to say this but I think you are being played. Why not also check with the funeral parlor and see how much it actually cost and if there is still an outstanding balance due - find out for sure if there is money owed - just to see if there is any truth to what you are being told.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2013, 10:44 PM
 
10,776 posts, read 7,981,543 times
Reputation: 16813
Quote:
Originally Posted by CFoulke View Post
My mother always used to say somebody would bury you for stink if not for love
I am totally stealing this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 04:48 AM
 
3,721 posts, read 4,569,741 times
Reputation: 4741
I wouldn't pay a dime.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 04:57 AM
 
3,721 posts, read 4,569,741 times
Reputation: 4741
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike930 View Post
People don't want to deal with this and would rather hide their head in the sand. They don't want to be reminded of death.

I've told my wife to find an extra large hefty trash bag and throw me in the dumpster if I go first. To me, it's just a shell and it won't matter to me anyways.
If she takes your advice she'll likely end up in jail.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 08:40 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,215 posts, read 7,862,204 times
Reputation: 7739
So OP, what are/have you done about this situation?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 6,748,334 times
Reputation: 4758
Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
.

Also FYI regarding medical body donation - this is not available everywhere, particularly in rural areas. I work in healthcare and have had people request this. Sometimes I can successfully facilitate the body being donated, and sometimes the body is rejected based solely on the fact that the deceased is too far out in a rural area, during a time when the need for donations is not very high. I don't want to dissuade anyone from going that route, but be aware for those of us in rural areas, it is not a guaranteed thing. Some agencies are more upfront about this factor than others.
Sorry off topic of this thread but the post brings up this question. How about organ donations. Would some one in rural area be too far for organ donation??
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 10:37 AM
 
Location: mid wyoming
2,008 posts, read 6,016,181 times
Reputation: 1876
My mother let her life insurance lapse and we had to bury her and pay it out amongst ourselves, we cremated her three months my brother (who didn't pay for his part of mothers fees) died and was almost destitute so we again paid for his burial. His daughters didn't offer in any of it and demanded 1/2 of his cremated remains. Just how my dysfunctional family did it.
Oh, one daughter buried his remains in a mountain meadow somewhere, we weren't even invited, the other has his urn in her living room "so he will never leave me".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,872 posts, read 13,463,210 times
Reputation: 29026
I would consider it my responsibility to pay my share of what a plain pine box funeral would have been, along with whatever I had agreed to regarding a meal. (If you didn't agree to any restaurant expenditure, you shouldn't have gone.) I would hand over the money I had planned to spend with an annotated bill and would say, "I had no say in the change of plans. This is what I agreed to pay and this is all I can afford. Whomever changed the plans from what we last discussed will have to absorb the cost of the upgrades." Please be realistic, though, about what the "plain pine box" costs are. You can't get even the cheapest coffin to a cemetery without a hearse, so you can't refuse to participate in costs like that. If you don't pay the entire bill that was presented, prepare for some blowback, but I don't see how you obligated yourself for any fancy additions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2013, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,043 posts, read 19,625,946 times
Reputation: 44839
When my husband passed away they gave $200 towards burial, maybe that will help a little.

Otherwise I would say I can pay what I agree upon and send a check for that.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top