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Old 12-09-2013, 08:07 AM
 
58 posts, read 64,784 times
Reputation: 42

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My best friend of 20 years loves to live in the past. One way he does this is to refuse to get a cell phone, never uses facebook, etc. He also stays all day at his gf's apartment so it is very hard to get in touch with him in a timely manner. (He has an old answering machine at home, and puts up with telemarketing calls 5 or 6 times a day so that he can screen his calls.) I used to call his gf's house or her cell, but it felt weird so I stopped. She is really nice, but they never invite me and my gf over, and they don't make it over when we entertain so either she doesn't like me, or he wants to keep his worlds separate. Now, he has been out of work for 3 years, so maybe he's got some self esteem issues that hurts him socially, in fact I know he has some self esteem issues. But is it wrong of me to be offended that he is so hard to get a hold of? It actually hurts him more than he realizes, (how does he expect to get a job and be a part of the world without making the attempt to connect with the world with today's technology?) but am I wrong to feel he is being rude to be so inaccessible? When he calls me, I always answer my phone.

 
Old 12-09-2013, 08:27 AM
 
3,445 posts, read 5,036,100 times
Reputation: 6092
OH MY GOD.....he doesnt USE facebook....he has no cell phone.

How did I survive my youth???
 
Old 12-09-2013, 08:39 AM
 
3,097 posts, read 4,136,101 times
Reputation: 3706
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morpheus918 View Post
but am I wrong to feel he is being rude to be so inaccessible? When he calls me, I always answer my phone.
Why would you feel offended because he isnt instantly accessible to you? Thats part of the issue with texting/sms/IM/Facebook etc The expectation of a quick response.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
22,403 posts, read 23,977,905 times
Reputation: 48496
So, he doesn't invite you over, he doesn't respond to your invitations, he doesn't return your calls? This is a guy you call your best friend? His use of technology is secondary--it sounds like the friendship is not important to him. Maybe you're holding on to a friendship that's run it's course.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 08:48 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,444,787 times
Reputation: 39034
Nothing wrong with NOT having Facebook and/or a smartphone.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Morpheus918 View Post
But is it wrong of me to be offended that he is so hard to get a hold of?
Yes.
Something like no Facebook and no smartphone should not offend you.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 08:57 AM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,450,637 times
Reputation: 28900
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morpheus918 View Post
My best friend of 20 years loves to live in the past. One way he does this is to refuse to get a cell phone, never uses facebook, etc. He also stays all day at his gf's apartment so it is very hard to get in touch with him in a timely manner. (He has an old answering machine at home, and puts up with telemarketing calls 5 or 6 times a day so that he can screen his calls.) I used to call his gf's house or her cell, but it felt weird so I stopped. She is really nice, but they never invite me and my gf over, and they don't make it over when we entertain so either she doesn't like me, or he wants to keep his worlds separate. Now, he has been out of work for 3 years, so maybe he's got some self esteem issues that hurts him socially, in fact I know he has some self esteem issues. But is it wrong of me to be offended that he is so hard to get a hold of? It actually hurts him more than he realizes, (how does he expect to get a job and be a part of the world without making the attempt to connect with the world with today's technology?) but am I wrong to feel he is being rude to be so inaccessible? When he calls me, I always answer my phone.
The man has been out of work for three years and you want him to spend money on a cell phone to do things he couldn't care less about doing, like waste time on Facebook, just to suit your need for communication?

The only reason I have a cell phone is for emergencies. Can't stand the things, and don't want to be on-call for anyone 24-7. A lot of people feel the same way. A lot of people also refuse to get sucked into the drama-pit of Facebook.

Beyond that, if he really wanted to be in touch with you, he would. He probably has a webmail account that he accesses through his girlfriend's computer or something for applying for jobs and things like that. But perhaps, if they never invite you over or come to your place when you invite them, you should consider that a great, big hint.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 10:22 AM
 
912 posts, read 1,243,363 times
Reputation: 2275
All of this.

I love social media, my iPad, my smartphone, and all technology has to offer. It's a great new world out there.

However, the one thing I truly hate about all of this technology is this expectation that we should be instantly available 24/7.

I've had some people get miffed at me because I keep my phone on silent during the week from 8pm or so until I leave for work the next morning. I'm sorry, but my time after work with my husband is my time. You don't need me that urgently, and if you do, send me a text -- I do look at my phone as the evening allows, I just don't stay glued to it. I also don't answer my phone if I'm driving, or at a place where it would be rude -- out to dinner, for example.

The world has advanced in many great ways, but it has also given us a false sense of superiority in that what we have to say is so important that it must be said immediately. Which is fine if you choose to spout your wit on Twitter or Facebook -- knock yourself out. But to be annoyed because you can't reach your friend in an instant-access timeframe is just too much. You also don't always need to answer your phone, either. People will not die if they have to leave a voicemail.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 10:28 AM
 
58 posts, read 64,784 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Nothing wrong with NOT having Facebook and/or a smartphone.


Yes.
Something like no Facebook and no smartphone should not offend you.

You're probably right, but I think he's really hurting himself trying to compete for a job against younger more tech savvy job seekers. And I don't consider using a smartphone to be tech savvy, I consider it to be a basic function of living in today's world. I guess that is one of the reasons our friendship has drifted apart over the years.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 10:34 AM
 
58 posts, read 64,784 times
Reputation: 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by thatswanlady View Post
All of this.

I love social media, my iPad, my smartphone, and all technology has to offer. It's a great new world out there.

However, the one thing I truly hate about all of this technology is this expectation that we should be instantly available 24/7.

I've had some people get miffed at me because I keep my phone on silent during the week from 8pm or so until I leave for work the next morning. I'm sorry, but my time after work with my husband is my time. You don't need me that urgently, and if you do, send me a text -- I do look at my phone as the evening allows, I just don't stay glued to it. I also don't answer my phone if I'm driving, or at a place where it would be rude -- out to dinner, for example.

The world has advanced in many great ways, but it has also given us a false sense of superiority in that what we have to say is so important that it must be said immediately. Which is fine if you choose to spout your wit on Twitter or Facebook -- knock yourself out. But to be annoyed because you can't reach your friend in an instant-access timeframe is just too much. You also don't always need to answer your phone, either. People will not die if they have to leave a voicemail.

I agree and I certainly don't demand immediate response, but he doesn't even have a phone that he can use to text me at his convenience, and of course if he had a cell phone, it could go to voice mail just as easily as his home phone. As it is, I can expect a response in 24 - 48 hours, but he can get in touch with me almost always within the hour if not immediately.
 
Old 12-09-2013, 10:57 AM
 
35,331 posts, read 24,946,241 times
Reputation: 32364
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morpheus918 View Post
And I don't consider using a smartphone to be tech savvy, I consider it to be a basic function of living in today's world.

It is not.
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