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I felt that the restaurant was 100 percent wrong to treat you that way. That being said, if you made a reservation then it really wasn't THAT spontaneous, now was it?
If I had been your girlfriend, I'd have been insulted that you didn't feel that the occasion was important enough to dress up for. It was a nice gesture, don't get me wrong, but just think how BLOWN AWAY she would have been if you had dressed up nicely in a pair one of those "suit and slack" things. It would have said... "I care enough about you to look really special for your birthday". It's the kind of thing that really IMPRESSES a woman, don't you know.
20yrsinBranson
What birthday? It was quite spontaneous as I thought of the idea this morning.
I would've judged you, too. Positively. Great band. "Fell On Black Days" was probably my second-most-frequently-listened-to song in high school, after "Nutshell" by fellow early '90s Seattleites Alice In Chains. Beautifully sad grunge songs helped me through my first adolescent experiences with depression. I remember catching an interview with Chris Cornell a few years back, on a 60 Minutes-type program, and I want to say he at least partially owns a restaurant in Paris these days (he was doing some solo touring recently, too...his tour date locally fell on a black day (Election Day), and I couldn't make it). Anyway, I would have to figure that you wouldn't have to worry about a dress code at his establishment, even in that ridiculously fashion-conscious city.
As for experiencing unfair/superficial judgments myself, I in fact do, quite often. I get judged most often in more conservative establishments (that is to say, many places here in the Buffalo area) for having long hair and a prominent beard and a general "I don't care how I look" appearance (the profile pic that I use on this site is from maybe seven years ago; I'm more disheveled now). I'll occasionally get unsolicited comments about people I'm thought to resemble. In such situations, I'll typically react lightheartedly (although I'm rarely appreciative of these comments), but sometimes (especially after drinking) I've been known to respond sarcastically, with something along the lines of "and you look like just another nondescript, unremarkable person." If I had to pick a situation most similar to your Fleming's experience, I'd probably pinpoint a birthday dinner with my parents from maybe five years ago (I'm 27 now...22 sounds about right). They asked me to pick a restaurant to go to; I picked a place that I liked for its pasta and beer selection, but not for its location (in a small, rural-but-upscale, conservative village). I showed up wearing a plain navy blue T-shirt and plaid cargo shorts, which would basically be my attire 365 days a year if weather permitted. I remember multiple people, workers and patrons alike, looking at me like I shouldn't have been there. I was kind of bothered at the time, but these days I'm more desensitized--I have a pretty good idea of knowing where such judgments are likely to occur, and avoiding such places if I don't feel like experiencing predictable, slightly bothersome judgments from people with IQs 60+ points lower than mine. If I really cared about passing for mainstream middle-class then I'd make the few most obvious superficial adjustments (haircut, shave, wardrobe) that would help me look the part. But ultimately, I don't care about "passing". I'm well respected by people who know me well, and that's what matters, inasmuch as anything matters.
I have been judged based on how I look a lot in my life. How long my hair is, how its styled and what Im wearing all play a factor. People just dont treat me the same - esp. If I have a bad complexion (happens on occasion due to food allergies that i occasionally indulge anyway) .
Also I am from an area that is now considered to be very exclusive and people treat me way differently if they happen to be the sort of empty headed losers that are impressed by that sort of thing. Thats why I cant stand telling people exactly wht town Im from - they assume my childhood was all gooey and sweet, and they have this look of envy / "lets be besties!" Look. Usually girls my age, or young couples who cant afford o move there but tell me they "would love to start a family" there.
I have always been artsy, and so growing up, if I dressed "normally", more popular kids would talk to me, but if I wore artsy fartsy clothes I was more ignored. Kind of weird. I always wished we were a less superficial society or a less looks oriented / visual society. Unfortunately, Ive learned that what you wear says. Lot about your inner mental state, at least sometimes.
Your tee shirt said: I didnt make time to look nice for you, babe. You even conirmed this on the thread.
I feel bad for you, that the doorman was rude but I feel the most bad for your gf! My ex was a mechanic who originally showed up to dates in cheap, short sleeved button down tees OVER his greasy grease stained white work tee. It just shows how little you care when you put so little efort. I mean really? Not even a Long sleeved button down?
Sigh. I dated him for years and "loved him anyway" but it made me so sad and I cried all the time about how little he seemed to care. I did this in private, not in front of him in the beginnin, but later when I talked to him about it, he just didnt get it. It made me so sad. Obviously, this was only he tip of the ice berg. He was insensitive in Oh so Many ways! And inconsiderate...and childish...and selfish! Lol.
He always said he loved me, wanted to marry me, but see - he didnt act like it. I am so happy that now I have the chance to find a man who knows how to treat a girl an how to dress well and who will just be someone new nd different, older and more mature. (And I know better now...how to treat a man!) so we just didnt fit. But looking nice for your significant other is important. Its like youre telling the world (and other restaurant patrons) : I love this Woman, she looks Great, and I am Proud to be her Man! . Its a way to profess your love for her in front of others.
Every time that Bruno Mars song comes on, about I shouldve bought you flowers, and held your hnd, I smile, and hope my ex is listening, so he realizes what I already know: he doesnt deserve me, and he dmn well treat the next girl Right!
To be fair, in a lot of ways, I didnt deserve him - I was never on time, was stressed a lot, etc, but whatever. You see the point.
Last edited by HeyHowdy; 12-10-2013 at 12:15 AM..
Reason: typos
Yes and no. You should have spiffed yourself up a bit. You like this lady a lot, and you chose a nice place to take her. If you wanted to wear jeans, you could have added a jacket and maybe a nicer shirt. It wouldn't have killed you.
But--the doorman didn't get the information he should have. He prejudged you.
IMO, you should present yourself nicely according to the occasion. You don't have to dress up that much these days to be "dressed up." Doing so costs you nothing, and it could save you embarrassment and hassle.
Yes and no. You should have spiffed yourself up a bit. You like this lady a lot, and you chose a nice place to take her. If you wanted to wear jeans, you could have added a jacket and maybe a nicer shirt. It wouldn't have killed you.
But--the doorman didn't get the information he should have. He prejudged you.
IMO, you should present yourself nicely according to the occasion. You don't have to dress up that much these days to be "dressed up." Doing so costs you nothing, and it could save you embarrassment and hassle.
If you guys aren't familiar with Fleming's it is more of an "upscale" restaurant where you dress formal but I just decided to where nicely pressed jeans with a nice shirt (not collared though).
<snip>
The security officer and the manager came up to the front and asked what was going on. The frontman was like "this......man won't leave the restaurant". I told the manager that I had a reservation. He asked me whether the doorman requested my name for a reservation and I asked the doorman did he. The doorman said yes. The manager told him not to lie because the camera already recorded the entire thing. He then confessed that he didn't so I gave the manager my name and he pulled up the reservation and apologized. He then sat us to a more private table and told us our meal was on the house.
By doorman, you mean maître d'? There's a difference.
The maître d' did his job, was overruled by his boss - not an unusual occurrence, especially on a slow night. You disregarded the dress code and reaped a free meal. Is your complaint that your girlfriend was embarrassed by your ignorance re normal restaurant protocol?
I think the OP has a legit beef. If someone's violating a dress code, then just f-ing say, "I'm sorry, but we have a dress code and it's strictly enforced - no exceptions." If the OP's real then not only were others violating the code, but the host was being a ******* about the whole thing.
Flemings isn't that fancy- I've seen plenty of folks there in jeans in my, admittedly casual city. In fact, restaurants here would quickly go out of business if they started enforcing any sort of formal dress code, I think only two out of 1000s in the city require jackets and even they always have an extra one to offer the guy who forgot.
The restaurant employees were way out of line to treat you that way if it played out like described, regardless if it would have been a nice gesture to dress up. Most of the real millionaires that I know in this city are quite purposefully casual just to test how others might treat them. A friend of mine went in to buy a Land Cruiser a couple of years ago right off the beach and was promptly ignored by one stupid salesman and missed the cash sale right under his nose- he could have bought easily bought twenty.
Doesn't serve too many folks well to judge and treat people disrespectfully based on how they dress these days.
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Its like youre telling the world (and other restaurant patrons) : I love this Woman, she looks Great, and I am Proud to be her Man! 
. Its a way to profess your love for her in front of others.
