U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-10-2013, 07:47 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,596,987 times
Reputation: 3656

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by marie5v View Post
The whole thing sounds super fishy to me. I don't buy it at all. Even if he was not appropriately dressed, and the restaurant actually had an official dress code, they would have politely told him so, not asked security to remove him. Either the OP was simply unpresentable in some way besides being a bit underdressed, or things didn't happen the way he says.
So what do you think happened?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-10-2013, 07:57 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,596,987 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
Yes and no. You should have spiffed yourself up a bit. You like this lady a lot, and you chose a nice place to take her. If you wanted to wear jeans, you could have added a jacket and maybe a nicer shirt. It wouldn't have killed you.

But--the doorman didn't get the information he should have. He prejudged you.

IMO, you should present yourself nicely according to the occasion. You don't have to dress up that much these days to be "dressed up." Doing so costs you nothing, and it could save you embarrassment and hassle.
I was presentable. I'm going to eat a steak. I don't need to dress up for a funeral. I wore these close to a business meeting and I was fine. That is a situation more demanding to be dressed up. People were dressed in the similar fashion. I wonder why they didn't get hassled. I was presented nicely. I was well groomed and clean. What the else do I have to do to eat a steak.

Quote:
Originally Posted by biscuitmom View Post
By doorman, you mean maître d'? There's a difference.
The maître d' did his job, was overruled by his boss - not an unusual occurrence, especially on a slow night. You disregarded the dress code and reaped a free meal. Is your complaint that your girlfriend was embarrassed by your ignorance re normal restaurant protocol?
It was the same guy in both positions. Except he was inside because it was cold but he could have a clear view of who was approaching through the door.

Quote:
Originally Posted by T. Damon View Post
Flemings isn't that fancy- I've seen plenty of folks there in jeans in my, admittedly casual city. In fact, restaurants here would quickly go out of business if they started enforcing any sort of formal dress code, I think only two out of 1000s in the city require jackets and even they always have an extra one to offer the guy who forgot.

The restaurant employees were way out of line to treat you that way if it played out like described, regardless if it would have been a nice gesture to dress up. Most of the real millionaires that I know in this city are quite purposefully casual just to test how others might treat them. A friend of mine went in to buy a Land Cruiser a couple of years ago right off the beach and was promptly ignored by one stupid salesman and missed the cash sale right under his nose- he could have bought easily bought twenty.

Doesn't serve too many folks well to judge and treat people disrespectfully based on how they dress these days.
Exactly even I go to dealerships dressed like this as a test but I wasn't testing anyone. I'm just going to eat a steak. I was just wearing this type of clothing at the time. I remember buying a car like that in cash dressed normally. I wasn't disheveled in any way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:01 AM
 
35,325 posts, read 25,058,461 times
Reputation: 32384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellow Jacket View Post
I wore these close to a business meeting and I was fine.

Yeah. Ok.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:04 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,596,987 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Yeah. Ok.
You don't have to believe me. No skin off my nose. I did wear it to an admittedly informal business meeting between the supervisors and head team leaders. It was quite impromptu so yeah they didn't go the full nine yards. They just wanted to meet and talk about things. It wasn't even a mandatory meeting though everybody did attend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,314,301 times
Reputation: 1443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellow Jacket View Post
You don't have to believe me. No skin off my nose. I did wear it to an admittedly informal business meeting between the supervisors and head team leaders. It was quite impromptu so yeah they didn't go the full nine yards. They just wanted to meet and talk about things. It wasn't even a mandatory meeting though everybody did attend.
Didn't you mention you own an autoshop? A business meeting in that environment calls for different dress then say a business meeting at JP Morgan Chase. Again, you are missing the point. Appropriate dress means different things at different times. At the restaurant you chose, you were judged not to be dressed appropriately. How they handled it may be questionable, but from what I have read, you seem determined to stick to what you perceive as your right to wear jeans and a t shirt to a nice restaurant. On a date. Again your comfort takes precedence over showing your girlfriend or the owners of that establishment that you are a an adult who takes certain things seriously enough to put a little effort into your presentation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,269 posts, read 12,047,748 times
Reputation: 16560
There is something missing being left out ...I. haven't yet read every page here.

Edit: And now I have read more..I am amazed an uncollared shirt was a teeshirt,
not a plain color, either..I believe a deliberate deception to us, the readers...
I will leave my orig deductions.


Others were there in jeans and tee shirts...your collarless shirt I picture as similar to
what Paul Newman wore forever...long sleeved, ironed...

The others may have been known to the maître de...or walked in with an "air" and
their lady dressed well...may have immediately said. "Wellington for 2 at 8" before
the maître de said a word.

You "could" have been standing there alone with an "unstylish" haircut, unstylish shoes,
with a slouchy stance....we don't know....maybe you have an "unstylish" beard....obviously...you could not realize how you appear to others with slightly unkempt hair.....not saying any of this is true, you understand.

But you do work at an auto shop and call the maître de a frontman....I'm being a detached detective here...please, don't take anything personal...this is a forum...you could have had French cologne on and $200 shoes....we don't know.

It was not the restaurants 'fault'...it was the maître de's call...so he saw something in you and I feel, way over reacted...saying you wouldn't leave...What?
I would have let him go...because he has an inappropriate attitude.
Or given him warning, a probationary period.

Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 12-10-2013 at 08:32 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:23 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,596,987 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
Didn't you mention you own an autoshop? A business meeting in that environment calls for different dress then say a business meeting at JP Morgan Chase. Again, you are missing the point. Appropriate dress means different things at different times. At the restaurant you chose, you were judged not to be dressed appropriately. How they handled it may be questionable, but from what I have read, you seem determined to stick to what you perceive as your right to wear jeans and a t shirt to a nice restaurant. On a date. Again your comfort takes precedence over showing your girlfriend or the owners of that establishment that you are a an adult who takes certain things seriously enough to put a little effort into your presentation.
I own an auto shop on the side yes. My main job is a lead supervisor for my company. In my exact position, my only superiors are back in the native country of France. No you are missing the point. There is no dress code. I was appropriately dressed by not looking like a disheveled hobo. Many other patrons dressed in a similar fashion and they did not get hassled. I wasn't expecting it. It's not about my right. I just thought that there wasn't an issue. I definitely looked at my clothes and thought whether I looked presentable and I even asked my girlfriend. She said I looked fine and she did not expect that to happen. I put great effort into my presentation. That's why I don't wear tattered jeans or that's why I take a shower and re-groom my hair.

If there was a dress code then I would admit I was wrong and I would in fact leave the establishment but knowing there isn't a dress code. To get hassled like that when I did nothing but walk in and stand there waiting to be addressed. That's an issue.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Man with a tan hat
799 posts, read 1,314,301 times
Reputation: 1443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yellow Jacket View Post
I was presentable. I'm going to eat a steak. I don't need to dress up for a funeral. I wore these close to a business meeting and I was fine. That is a situation more demanding to be dressed up. People were dressed in the similar fashion. I wonder why they didn't get hassled. I was presented nicely. I was well groomed and clean. What the else do I have to do to eat a steak.


It was the same guy in both positions. Except he was inside because it was cold but he could have a clear view of who was approaching through the door.


Exactly even I go to dealerships dressed like this as a test but I wasn't testing anyone. I'm just going to eat a steak. I was just wearing this type of clothing at the time. I remember buying a car like that in cash dressed normally. I wasn't disheveled in any way.
Why are you testing people?

Pardon me, but it seems you have a chip on your shoulder about the way you choose to dress. You seem to think you have a right to informality in all circumstances (which you do) and that right also includes the caveat that others are OBLIGATED to take you as seriously as if you were dressed appropriately (which it doesn't). This disconnect is responsible for your misplaced outrage.

When I was younger I said "ax" instead of "ask". I went to a job interview for a position where I was supposed to greet customers and answer phones in a well known law firm. I went to the receptionist and said "My name is ZZZ., Mr. Smith told me to ax for him when I got here."

I didn't get the job. My speech wasn't appropriate for the role. All of my friends were offended, cried racism while also blaming me for wanting to work in such a "bougie" place. But I understood, though I was embarrassed.

Long story short, I was willing to change and I have grown up because of it. From your brief descriptions here, you may not share this POV, but its something to consider.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:33 AM
 
3,967 posts, read 4,596,987 times
Reputation: 3656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Hepburn View Post
There is something missing being left out ...I. haven't yet read every page here.

Others were there in jeans and tee shirts...your collarless shirt I picture as similar to
what Paul Newman wore forever...long sleeved, ironed...

The others may have been known to the maître de...or walked in with an "air" and
their lady dressed well...may have immediately said. "Wellington for 2 at 8" before
the maître de said a word.

You "could" have been standing there alone with an "unstylish" haircut, unstylish shoes,
with a slouchy stance....we don't know....maybe you have an "unstylish" beard....obviously...you could not realize how you appear to others with slightly unkempt hair.....not saying any of this is true, you understand.

But you do work at an auto shop and call the maître de a frontman....I'm being a detached detective here...please, don't take anything personal...this is a forum...you could have had French cologne on and $200 shoes....we don't know.

It was not the restaurants 'fault'...it was the maître de's call...so he saw something in you and I feel, way over reacted...saying you wouldn't leave...What?
I would have let him go...because he has an inappropriate attitude.
Or given him warning, a probationary period.
I don't work at the auto shop. I own it. I wore Lucchese boots (if you only knew how much those overpriced things cost) and I said that the frontman and the maître'd was the same person. I know you're trying to be detective but you're trying to come to a conclusion with the wrong details.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whatisthedealwith View Post
Why are you testing people?

Pardon me, but it seems you have a chip on your shoulder about the way you choose to dress. You seem to think you have a right to informality in all circumstances (which you do) and that right also includes the caveat that others are OBLIGATED to take you as seriously as if you were dressed appropriately (which it doesn't). This disconnect is responsible for your misplaced outrage.

When I was younger I said "ax" instead of "ask". I went to a job interview for a position where I was supposed to greet customers and answer phones in a well known law firm. I went to the receptionist and said "My name is ZZZ., Mr. Smith told me to ax for him when I got here."

I didn't get the job. My speech wasn't appropriate for the role. All of my friends were offended, cried racism while also blaming me for wanting to work in such a "bougie" place. But I understood, though I was embarrassed.

Long story short, I was willing to change and I have grown up because of it. From your brief descriptions here, you may not share this POV, but its something to consider.
I don't believe anyone is obligated to take me seriously but in some situations it is foolish to not take someone seriously than to do so. Like this one. He isn't like a car salesman looking at people to find the best possible sale. He's just some guy at the front. I'm not outraged nor is my disappointment misplaced. If it truly was the manager could have easily dealt with me. That's a restaurant that doesn't bend to people unless they were clearly wrong of some sort. The workplace is different as you are trying to get a job to change your life. Not eating a steak. I guess we have to go to grocery stores in suits just to be taken seriously.

BTW, my meal was over $50 and the steak itself was about $40 (not $27). The whole meal for me and my girlfriend totaled to $120.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-10-2013, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,269 posts, read 12,047,748 times
Reputation: 16560
Here in Colorado where we love tourists...we could walk into
A Five Star Restaurant...and be treated like we just came from a hike or
golfing or rock climbing....we are lucky that way.
Granola men are treated like businessmen...all the same money.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Non-Romantic Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:11 AM.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top