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Old 12-11-2013, 04:17 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,985 posts, read 14,628,164 times
Reputation: 14868

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You have been given such good advice by so many posters, but you insist on rationalizing the acceptance of the tickets anyway and ignoring the advice.

Giving us old stories about the car in college - all that doesn't matter now. What matters is the present and the future.

You said your brother's toddler was abused while in your parent's house - yet you blithely plan on bringing your children into that home. What kind of a mother are you??? You are 27 - it's time to grow up and realize that you have a responsibility to your kids.

How much of your soul and your children's soul are you willing to sell for some free airline tickets?

You said you have no one to talk to about this situation, except in this forum. Might your husband have some stake in this, also? Might you have a serious discussion with him? There is no way to "protect yourself". You are willingly going into an abusive situation, and dragging your children in with you.
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Old 12-11-2013, 05:25 PM
 
Location: Oviedo
452 posts, read 570,066 times
Reputation: 920
I've read every post. You must NOT take your children into the home of a sexual predator.

If anything ever happened, you'd never, ever forgive yourself...how would you rationalize it? How could you justify to yourself, every minute of your life, knowingly staying at the home of someone who is guaranteed to intentionally hurt your babies?

Just tell them the truth, your family is staying at home. If they attack you over it, tell them EXACTLY why you've come to this sudden decision. If the truth hurts...tough. At least it won't hurt your children.

I applaud you for being tough and seeking solid advice and acknowledging your mistake. Now you have to be tough and do the right thing.
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Old 12-11-2013, 05:44 PM
 
18,285 posts, read 23,413,743 times
Reputation: 34204
Quote:
Originally Posted by sstockdale View Post
Does anyone have any constructive advice for what i should do now that i have accepted the tickets? Obviously I can't just not go.
be gracious, bite the bullet, its only a few days...

you know your mother, so nothing should be a surprise,,,,,use this time,, to visit family , and again be gracious.


even if she refuses to have an adult relationship, with you, you can take the high road, dont play the cards she plays, deal your own,

take this time,,,to prove to yourself-you can step out of her shadow,,, with maturity...take her tickets,,


time to grow beyond your mother
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Old 12-11-2013, 06:09 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,016,830 times
Reputation: 22370
People are mentioning sexual abuse - no one in your mother's household NOW sexually abused you or anyone else, right? Surely?

You keep asking for advice as to how to "handle" your mother. There is no handling her. All you can do is try to keep talk to a minimum, be polite, stay out of her way as much as possible, don't get caught up in discussions where she is trying to bait you, etc.

Do not invite others to HER house . . . if it is a problem that you don't have a car while you are there - rent one so you can go visit others instead of asking them to come to your mother's home.

Why is it important to you to have your children exposed to people you describe as abusive? I still don't understand that.
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:07 PM
 
Location: At the Lake (in Texas)
2,072 posts, read 2,026,999 times
Reputation: 5032
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
You're basically using her and she knows it. You don't want to see her - as you said above - you want to see the other half of the family and so you think you are doing her a favor by accepting her kind offer.

Entitlement much?

If you don't like it, try paying your own airfare and staying in a hotel.
Exactly. What she said ^^^^^^^^^
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Old 12-11-2013, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,894 posts, read 17,203,069 times
Reputation: 40812
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeannaC View Post
I've read every post. You must NOT take your children into the home of a sexual predator.

If anything ever happened, you'd never, ever forgive yourself...how would you rationalize it? How could you justify to yourself, every minute of your life, knowingly staying at the home of someone who is guaranteed to intentionally hurt your babies?

Just tell them the truth, your family is staying at home. If they attack you over it, tell them EXACTLY why you've come to this sudden decision. If the truth hurts...tough. At least it won't hurt your children.

I applaud you for being tough and seeking solid advice and acknowledging your mistake. Now you have to be tough and do the right thing.
I agree that once you add physical/mental abuse into the situation you need to seriously reconsider ever staying in the same house as someone who abused you or your siblings.
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Old 12-11-2013, 08:28 PM
 
Location: Our own little Loonyverse
238 posts, read 185,185 times
Reputation: 814
I can't even begin to fathom how you could consider bringing your children into a situation you know is abusive. I'm sorry, I know you want to go visit the others in your family, but you have to understand that in this situation, you aren't being given a free ride.

There is a price to pay, and for your own self worth as well as your children's safety, the price is simply too high.

If something horrible happened to them, not only would you not forgive yourself, but when they were old enough to understand that you sold them out for the price of a few plane tickets, they wouldn't forgive you either.

The rest of the issues, like your mom not getting involved in your plans, or whether or not you are spoiled and entitled shouldn't even be a consideration, seriously, you have to think of your kids because if you put them in danger with known abusers, you are abusing them yourself.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you know they abused your brothers child so they obviously haven't changed. This makes me so very sad, I really hope you reconsider accepting.
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Old 12-11-2013, 09:05 PM
 
Location: The Greater Houston Metro Area
8,985 posts, read 14,628,164 times
Reputation: 14868
Quote:
Originally Posted by dddiva View Post
I can't even begin to fathom how you could consider bringing your children into a situation you know is abusive.

There is a price to pay, and for your own self worth as well as your children's safety, the price is simply too high.

If something horrible happened to them, not only would you not forgive yourself, but when they were old enough to understand that you sold them out for the price of a few plane tickets, they wouldn't forgive you either.

The rest of the issues, like your mom not getting involved in your plans, or whether or not you are spoiled and entitled shouldn't even be a consideration, seriously, you have to think of your kids because if you put them in danger with known abusers, you are abusing them yourself.
Read the bold parts again, if you still don't get it. Time to be an adult mother.
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:25 AM
 
16,801 posts, read 14,444,532 times
Reputation: 37859
Interesting how the OP prioritized her concerns in this thread, using the trickle technique:

1. My mother bought me $2500 in plane tickets
2. My mother won't plan my grandmother's visit to her house
3. My relatives think I am a spoiled brat
4. My parents "sent" me to college without a car
5. I have an incurable bone disease
6. My dad sexually molested me
7. My parents beat my 3-year old nephew.

Something very odd here.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:58 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 60,482,869 times
Reputation: 22275
Quote:
Originally Posted by sstockdale View Post
I accepted this tickets from her because we would do anything to see the OTHER half of our family, and I have parts of my family I really need to see as well. My great grandmother for example. And my husband needs to see our father.

We moved across the country for reasons that don't apply here but getting away from my parents was a huge plus. I didn't expect her to change- I'm just trying to "take care of myself" here since I needed the tickets. I am not concerned with changing here. My question is...... What is this behavior? How can I prepare myself to confront her when she does this "Nope" thing again during the trip? I'm trying to take care of myself by sending obvious clues to her that I will not be bullied ad that I disapprove of her childish disinvolvement when she is unable to bully me.

Another example would be when she gave me a car for my sixteenth and seventeenth birthdays, and when they sent me off to college (on crutches at the time) and when we got to campus she took the car back with her, saying I could have it back when I got a job. That's right...I was suppose to hobble around a large campus AND find a job with no car... on crutches.

It's not that my original example is out of ordinary for a normal person, but I can recognize this behavior in her as being a little more manipulative than usual and it will only escalate.
Why not just buy the tickets yourselves? If you would do anything to see your family, why would it have to be only on her dime?
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