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Old 12-13-2013, 06:55 PM
 
16,487 posts, read 21,018,632 times
Reputation: 16171

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I don't know if she went that far. Still, I know, his reaction was expected.

I just offered him money because since he doesn't want any personal contact with me, I thought I could at least compensate him financially.
Wow, seriously? After all he and his mother have been through, after all the pain he endured as a child growing up with no father you thought you could throw some money at him and it would make up for it all?
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Old 12-13-2013, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Texas
43,435 posts, read 52,425,333 times
Reputation: 70422
I remember splitting my head open (~2).
I remember my little brother being born (exactly 2 years and 3 months).
I remember my first day of kindergarten and the test I had to take to start (I was 4).
Who doesn't remember?
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Old 12-13-2013, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,666,956 times
Reputation: 32302
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
Wow, seriously? After all he and his mother have been through, after all the pain he endured as a child growing up with no father you thought you could throw some money at him and it would make up for it all?
The OP is not saying he thinks financial compensation "would make up for it all". Rather, he is saying that he does not know what else to do in an attempt at partial atonement. What he did in the past was despicable, and he admits it. He realizes and regrets those past actions, admits to them, and was willing to face up to the (deserved) hard criticism and condemnation from his ex-wife and son.

Why are you and so many other posters piling on? The son's sufferings as a little boy are indeed heart-rending; they must be especially so to the OP. I can join all of you in deploring and condemning this man's abandonment of his own son, but I cannot join you in sticking the knife in and twisting it now that the OP is attempting to deal with the knowledge of his own guilt.
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Old 12-13-2013, 09:26 PM
 
2,839 posts, read 4,971,299 times
Reputation: 3702
I can't believe you tried to give "reasons" why you weren't there. The only thing you should have said was "I was a total douche and all I can say is I'm sorry and that I don't even deserve to see you, but I'm glad you came."

The fact you tried to "explain" just made it worse.
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Old 12-14-2013, 05:59 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,741 posts, read 4,198,082 times
Reputation: 6861
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
Not necessarily. There is such thing as retroactive child support. Each state has different rules as to how it'll be done; some states will not give a full 18 years payment amount.

The OP already stated that he is listed on the birth certificate and that he gave the mother a (couple) thousand dollars before disappearing-- acts which will be used against him in the court of law.
As an attorney who has never head of a state ordering retroactive child support when the custodial parent failed to file prior to the child reaching the age where child support legally ends, I'd like to know the names of these mysterious states. Do you have a link ? Or at least the name of a state that allows this?

Last edited by lenora; 12-14-2013 at 06:07 AM.. Reason: clarification (deleted age of majority)
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Old 12-14-2013, 09:24 AM
 
11,212 posts, read 8,356,190 times
Reputation: 20257
If I were you I'd be incredibly proud of him. He defended his mother, refused your money (which I thought might have been an attempt to buy him off), and told it like it is. You deserved it and he didn't hold back. If I were you I'd still feel relieved to have met him. And to see yourself in him and know he's out there changing the world, awesome.
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Old 12-14-2013, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts for the time being
314 posts, read 617,362 times
Reputation: 360
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
You have to be right. This doesn't sound like a real person writing. No one could be as selfish and narcissistic as this ****.
Of course they can. It happens a lot. That's the reason why they make so many movies about it; it's a situation that is all too common - only often without the happy ending. Heck, my sister's husband left her and 3 very young sons and was never heard from again. He never even once checked in to see if they were alive or dead, he stayed out of sight, and never paid a single dime of support.

Last edited by westwind15; 12-14-2013 at 10:25 AM..
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Old 12-14-2013, 11:13 AM
 
7,362 posts, read 13,180,066 times
Reputation: 8936
Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
As an attorney who has never head of a state ordering retroactive child support when the custodial parent failed to file prior to the child reaching the age where child support legally ends, I'd like to know the names of these mysterious states. Do you have a link ? Or at least the name of a state that allows this?
For an attorney, surely you know how to do some research? I don't have information for all the states... but I'll give you 2. Ohio, you have until the child's 23rd birthday to file. Texas, I believe, you have 4 years to file after the child turns 18.

The OP, afaik, hasn't disclosed his location.
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Old 12-15-2013, 04:07 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,142,499 times
Reputation: 26518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe View Post
For an attorney, surely you know how to do some research? I don't have information for all the states... but I'll give you 2. Ohio, you have until the child's 23rd birthday to file. Texas, I believe, you have 4 years to file after the child turns 18.
With all due respect, a little more reading and research might be of benefit to you. In Ohio there is indeed the right to FILE for paternity and retroactive child support up to age 23 but, just as in other states, filing for and actually being awarded a judgment for retroactive support are two vastly different matters.
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Old 12-15-2013, 11:37 AM
 
Location: On the aggravation installment plan...
501 posts, read 664,660 times
Reputation: 459
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamMessMaker View Post
I know that. Still, I suppose no one enjoys listening to what he said to me.
Sounds to me as if you got closure as well as your son. He has been holding on to that for years and I am glad you both had the opportunity to express what you've been feeling. You left the door open as well as your wallet; don't be surprised if he contacts you out of spite and asks for money-because he feels you owe it not only to him but to his mother, in other words expect to be used.

I think you now know for a fact where you stand with him and you should just chalk it up, put this behind you as best as you possibly can (since you already accepted the fact that you screwed up) and move on. People make mistakes, there isn't anything else you can do at this point, you deserve some happiness too, you can't keep beating a dead horse.
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