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Old 12-14-2013, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA
15,440 posts, read 12,165,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jakealope View Post
Knowing how a lot of men are, he probably didn't
really listen to your question.
Are you saying some do?

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Old 12-14-2013, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,177 posts, read 8,705,154 times
Reputation: 6199
Smile True....

Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
Bette, maybe your husband is just not very verbal? Or maybe he was distracted and not really focusing? I would not look too deeply into his response. Honestly asking a question like that, IMO, is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
We can both be very serious but in this case, it was related to the movie we were watching and he seemed interested in what was going on (it had about 30-40 minutes left).

Anyway, it made me think!!
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Old 12-14-2013, 06:06 PM
 
1,191 posts, read 1,537,383 times
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Some people do not express themselves well in words. I actually consider myself to be quite good with words when I'm writing them out and have time to think them through, but I could've been asked the same thing on the spot by a person I love deeply and intimately and very likely come up with an equally dumb, careless-sounding answer. And that answer wouldn't have been careless, or come from a place of not caring or not understanding the person and loving them deeply. It would be like if you gave my tone-deaf father a violin and told him to express himself. He might want to, but is incapable of doing so effectively on the given tool. It would be like if you handed me a set of paints and told me to express myself, versus doing the same with Renoir. One person would be in their element. The other person would be helpless.

The point I'm trying to make is that your husband's answer may not have adequately reflected the depth of what was in his heart.
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Old 12-14-2013, 06:35 PM
 
18,370 posts, read 23,561,060 times
Reputation: 34442
Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
Bette, maybe your husband is just not very verbal? Or maybe he was distracted and not really focusing? I would not look too deeply into his response. Honestly asking a question like that, IMO, is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
christina is right,,,you put a guy on the spot- hard telling what he's going to say,,he did pretty good,,,he could have blurted out

squirrely, incontinent, and she means well ...
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Old 12-14-2013, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,177 posts, read 8,705,154 times
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Smile Aw, thanks

I know you guys would set me right

PS - He's really a good guy too.
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Old 12-14-2013, 08:26 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,679 posts, read 74,680,484 times
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a great post. people look at the same person but see very different things.
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Old 12-15-2013, 03:25 AM
 
Location: Phoenix Arizona
718 posts, read 1,552,871 times
Reputation: 1638
I know people think of me as a bit of a loner and antisocial. I work nights all by myself so I don't interact with people all that often so I guess when I am around other people then I become unsure and even unaware that maybe I am being a bit antisocial.
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Old 12-15-2013, 03:29 AM
 
Location: SNA=>PDX 2013
2,677 posts, read 3,060,193 times
Reputation: 3132
I saw that movie. LOL.

Honestly, a lot of times, what men really love in a woman is so different than what we think we want. You wanted touchy feely answers, he gave you hard-working. For some men, that is huge.

Have you ever read the book The Five Love Languages? Gives you great insight in how people want to be loved and how they love. And when your language isn't the same, it's amazing how people get their feelings hurt.

Trust me, after watching that movie, I'd feel the same way. Hallmark Channel is the death of most men, hehe.

I can bet you, if you told him he was "loving, kind, and generous" he might be thinking, "gawd, does she think I'm some lazy SOB?" LOL. Seriously, think about it. He probably wants to be called hard-working or something. I dunno, but probably.

He definitely gets points for sitting through that sappy movie.
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Old 12-15-2013, 03:36 AM
 
12 posts, read 11,087 times
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Never ask a question that you aren't prepared to hear an answer you don't like. :-) I've learned dealing with my husband, he does best with Yes or No questions. Asking even something as complicated as "what is your opinion on these earrings?" is a loaded question that he stares at me blankly over. More than likely, he was desperately trying to come up with something safe that wouldn't get him into trouble. I feel bad for men sometimes. If his first answer was "sexy", you might think he only saw you as a sex object. If it were "good cook" you might think he only valued your more traditional skills. This is a question to which there is no right answer, and no answer that isn't likely to end up with hurt feelings.
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Old 12-15-2013, 08:44 AM
 
Location: Right were I should be!
1,081 posts, read 1,474,561 times
Reputation: 1109
IMHO it's none of my business what other people think of me. All I can do is be kind and act out of love. Tougher to do than you think. Sometimes it means helping out, sometimes it is setting and keeping boundaries.
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